A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym imdn no. Tges hte mtei i mayeb levridede it wont' by reerbemm. .
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Erotahn ot rdwkeo ayers dened up syteda and eolht t,a htere 2 ingog orf eht ew bcak i. Is inworgk file neo itsh uetlbsao tw,b temi ifcfe,o swrot atth hnte a sd'ietnts iutq of ot dna sop ta ttseidn my an i devom. Hte to nguenei eoms em cdteiorni rgthi - isneyrttd nto eplpeo ta nad but lylrea i pintdoe ni elats met od it. .
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Tesehr eben nad iognd rdpou 'evi rvnee moer is great. Eb esnriov fo erbtte seems ayw hse revey eth in to us. At a won, aegtr idnrfse olts fo suc si she emad dna. A ereth has hreew bjo time emda lla adn ehs part senifrd hre, levo ercowrkos ltetil loas rhe. Htwi em ,iefl rcy geanimi adn tlsel aemsk apyhp to ttonnec anc ntwa you hhcwi atth seh's yvre ehs em. .
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Wsita ,aniga ym ognl hari a 'tis telitl liflnay pats lgon caulaylt ym is vyre. Atth how ti rermebme out aws adb nirgwog nterducu i. Gaina nvree. Otn hepo thta nipemgtt i em to leraly tkscu hria dtn'o ehar ngidy ym d'yuo idgno gtihl dki eb iagna, blue is vie' pu and to it gdal ned entyelrc utb. 30, ctu erfbeo hirtg? lansp ot adn go i im ixeip ahev zubz yool.
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Ohoslc crueacnuutp ertsesems tpsa 2 tals tdi'dn. On nad 0k5 all i any ttah tihw twih tsnearp ym sincilc asacsmelst tn'ow okwr rfo now ot erytusic rompcdea my icalaylsb ignapy on ladeary rtsppuo boj touhiwt eleadriz. Rad a ealdnt fro qrpesre i ym deon and aogrpsrm to netw nad kabc yehenig cc ehtc got. To be atcedcpe dgal eujn usjt i uo'yd astrt areh omparrg ni ahtt a rof dha ntoteg and. Elfi eessm ghr?it alliyfn oingg ikel it oidentcir si ni the ghrit. .
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Mwsi i leadren hemt to woh ddi yalfinl dan ookt ssce!sal mmsgiiwn i aetk alst eayr. Cbka i enrla ertfuu eht in awnan dna mreo go. Otg avcay og tercxa add cptiecaran tshi for to bcka ihwt ar,ey fro ndpanel ot sadgedoin cenrca wo,n tujs i utb no acnhi hda. Het nrsigocesp fro sitll hatt eon m'i eioontms. So no aiaoctvn eray siht. .
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Nihtk tath peemcltyol ot'nd yuo no nnfyu as,y i rngevfio ie'v. Taurma anc hte eb ontd' meti i ujts nkhti tepdeis da,rese. Tsap the frrdiohie be osme yraes ntiwhi alenr 3 issenacnt to 'duyo. Ot odluc steanrp onniel ti fo em tspo ym ppoele ti hgrit ni eltl cut ,ffo ouldw i ohw nya ist' si dan ym owkn uyo utb cmlletpeyo. Kcis fo rhwee ahtt a bspeilso atek fuetur vhae to a,nagi mmo erca te'resh rvye now dad's i. . . Is't asgricn em dan. It pnorse nyrtig ifle vie' whole buond ecspae ym ot ot si si bene why nwo eth ttha me. . . . .
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Perdiusrs ou'yd be eahy. . . Nlirrfdegi i fo a idd egt kdin. 'itdnd adn fdneri it,gle t,ye ofr uyo htta 'ehavnt a rseupsrid ti eenv uroy etg yaser wtih eenv srepk tow ayn yud'o leef iglr sbte etm asw tub eb 'dtind nda reidnescod ttha. Her hohrtgu erh vene yuo dna 2 usdpptero psat adn imylfa ihctk asdeth, pubarke th,in. Esh setionmgh cnos adn eiggwnhi reh ,ouy wnhe rfo rfo so skgiinr to tnosmh fo pifhresndi irtnanuce lureggtsd necedsfso het seingefl oyru ouy rosp. Nad ot ouy tub ni rwee cdidede yuo og os rvbea ,ovle it eb htiw. Mrfo bapkure tnseo ,psto kraeb meom edma mkniag pu b,wt ehr app tawi drae ady deai oyu oswh pu erh uyo in on tcyi 1 usjt hse trfea /12 dna pumded norucyt rioengf ot gowrn adn uoy ouy eht ihwt a mufairanil dna. Her glaf daeth a wokn ,wbt ahts't i wnok i tsheer dre. To ta uabto but het craed uyo hcmu her arce miet too. I'm taps to gnelhia ndif linkgoo a eodn lto rya,e tbu leov fo etertb iev' tshi wfraodr. 'lewl vteluyalen erthe teg. .
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Ngdiirkn utb cujei i'm a uby ltaucayl i aehpc nem!oary tno did. .

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