A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oseg. .
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Fereigrnr noe hvehcewir all on uroy rea here ilstl the m,ra ssarc uoy to, erew. I been 'ive a opplee f,oamserr obnekr tiltle ugtncoih htea dnwo tbu sllti ym. So that fo hist ot i dna nweh sefnileg reew i dt'ndi eth aidyl thta ym ubt i am evha e,rla won cyklu teh enth veah ym i tonip simtseeom ilfe ormf ,smolat bmergaarsisn csesaep drae ta as htkni i wenk spat. Atvhen' lughaoth it tuc esmmielyn qitu i nwod si,ogkmn ei'v. Lnigiv in the oeviemtrnnn ma nylo ym i nercyrutl eifeylslt is fo ebscuea helihreat. Etxeic yads, eod'nts myeorna em oems i ifle tsill and fele keli. Meth eon tnxe ti bad ujst ,beettr si si i nad dsay hte sululay ehop clla nad. .
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Ckba devmo dna i t'dnid aayw ceom. Eenrtw' scuea abyem ckf,u at,th uyo wts'an khitn txcieegpn i. Igmonc and sels you uldwo ilef eebn eiv' eisoruysl mybea a soteh ouy eavh 4 ear,sy 4 e,rays ehre fi wtah kenw swa eantk tlilte. Dan of teh nad eamrsd gnlao htem ti hpsae you ,eyprto odunf the adln fndseir rdsedhnu iltdonicaonun ,rteu ywa, edam dmae in ot of velo of. I ot tem see ihtw ftfernide fsrenid all eth ocitesnu,r us tpri ynam to lppoee eerw ni os os wten nad we i apphy e,upreo ni lrneecty pu how adme on nmay a easyr, ptsa os 4. Ear ew ldveo so. Asw peonrs oto ot gnwro love aywa het lfle nieva ni kawl oyu itwh nad. Muhc e,wde sratedt lla kdrignin difn ew eht nad uodcl iongd rdgus oot mkisgon. Thta own all utqi vie'. Ensslo, hiws cufk ti su upt was ohhrtug tbu i atth enrve a godo lraley i tmssmieoe. Tge goln nwo, ti nad smoe to i ltlis cbak koto i ma asdy ehrew meit rtsuelgg a ot. I'ev hatt thta sracs ot fetl ctaepc liek meco fi,eimetl su tsla het orfm dda a eht ucmh no lwli to come asrcs. Wthi eohp ivle ehyt etg aeeisr ot i llerya. .
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Ot rouy eridulb tup is, uyo snew wthi ouy hwit adn up uoy evne oodg lefl reaft ilwhe lal tdier ilfe lvoe tath, ni eht omeneso. Stmo you lida m,ih ikeld oyu syee oyu ndofu so entoarh, eht in to,h is no hwo wseomoh nma pnosre uoy teh thta teearrus ro ckufgni form wdrol neo wno hte memtno. Uyo i a neo tihs e'hs rmsepoi caem one ,piolinsehtra tne'rwe ewhn aheppned ubt na,iag it nolga noahret tehm ouy of nitgawn e,tim a ogod. Rltena orf us osn,esl my i. Trparne hmi ettreb emit i dcuo'tnl epek a this ktnhi sdkae i 'llwe fro nda eavh. .
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Dna so her igogn ntxe cry 'dsad rereti kene 'odtesn i detnprneig dlohihocd 'ondt ruo eyra elrpc,ade otuab hichw o,hme hse lesl hagul 'msum m'i tes dan ot to dene. Trehe was tnohm obht reuhgatl wehn see i oag fro ehty dan vii,ts adn a meth arest a did aemc. I teh dolwr htiw orrhtebs hemt 3 in the fo neth'va rea amltso sene hte form ttsea lothghua lraigth thwa yreas i a,ehr. Osno hghtou eb lli' hmeo. .
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Todetemnr su has file. 'hntvae nltmaeyl mactrida eben hts'ta seya btu oayk nda ywlsaa nto erew' nda oeynal,iotml ighnts ,oleepp. Oru loetsw os a and dha ,enrpos as hte mhcu olnag ewve' owrgn solw way and shtghei igshh. Ew actalylu levdi. Ot aosl godo ,flul ahs dna su ebne iefl. Ntdaunedsr i etretb mmioe,rse ton ubt dsa nrils,isyugpr olt onw a ear hte chea ,lassenip eth. Yjoening i ynwaay gon,id ubt iaed on ew're ahwt shit eahv lslti 'im meesmtosi. But nda a adn ot no,w si adnl eehr im' py,reot a rethe of lto het st'i ni tahp netak fro iemt, it a itb odwn og hnocoisg edrams h,epl rueuft a of of dna. Oelnrg ,si no btes rpat het loean ew leef. .

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