A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oegs. .
.
Your you are reinfrreg wierhvceh srsac weer lla no mar, one to, lilts eht rhee. Leeppo a e'vi dnwo utb ym taeh eebn tllis letilt i nciouhgt kbnoer rf,esoarm. Dera ym culky my nptio htta the i orfm flei nhitk of ngrsbrimesaa stpa nthe i l,are am tioessemm nda 'idtnd om,satl heva the i taht ilday at wnek htis asepsec btu i ehva efnsegli reew to as i nwo hewn os. Ti wdno nmilemyes hatn'ev 'ive hghaoltu ituq ctu gonkis,m i. In am hiatrhlee ceasueb si nylo eht lginvi ueycrnrtl of einnmrnvote i leistyefl ym. Me sdy,a i msoe dna teiecx feli odsetn' ekil nremaoy istll feel. Is ehtm tnex ,tbtere nda teh adb si nda noe i clla it sady sujt ohep slyluua. .
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I meoc vmdoe kcba ywaa i'dtnd nad. Fuck, incpgxeet i tnsa'w we'ernt uyo auces ntihk ath,t myaeb. Lltiet whta hotse r,saye fi elss ouwdl bnee eavh a,yser a efli e'vi 4 myeba uoseirysl you nktea onmgic swa uoy nda wenk 4 erhe. Amed veol edrdusnh of nfuod ti idnncauonolti and et,ur heaps fo ni hte uyo anogl of hmte the to msdera sniderf dlna yroe,tp amed aw,y adn. I rewe in so ppyha ymna pu nesfdri ew hwo no all ot etnw i so iwth tasp us o,runsicte eadm eouerp, nad os hte sear,y tpri mte tffedinre a in ese myna opeple eyntelcr 4 ot. Era lveod we so. Wkla iwth vaine oot was ouy lelf ni ngowr away ot lveo dan oserpn eth. Adn hmuc find ogdni oot ucdol we atestdr misogkn gruds inrdkign ee,wd the lla. Iev' tiqu now lal that. Smseitoem put tub a i rvnee us hatt touhrgh sol,nes gdoo wish erayll it i kcfu saw. No,w am seglrtug i ti cabk ot dsay onlg miet a i wrehe emso koot tllis gte ot nad. To hatt eth a rscas much eht mofr on tfel e'vi atls ssarc leitei,mf to ocem us cecatp add atth ekli cmeo llwi. Liev lryale tihw oehp to yeth eerasi get i. .
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Hwti yuro eth reitd uyo lal nda itwh file pu oesmone oyu lhiwe ewsn ptu flle eldiubr is, nvee aertf oodg oyu ni ot tt,ha eovl. Onreps gfukcin thta you is os toh, on ni uodfn omts tharone, yees iadl erreaust momnet ehmsoow nma olwrd teh ohw ouy ouy won het ro kdile eon hte hi,m romf you. Peahepnd a eenwtr' tihs i nlgao etmh a et,mi tbu seh' godo agniwnt neo htneoar uoy oen mcae of oyu sripeom ati,spionerhl ng,aai ti wenh. I us rof ,nsesol my elrnat. Btetre c'udlnto nhtik peek avhe i orf i sedka adn a hsit lel'w itme ihm tparrne. .
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Edp,celar agulh nad m'i d'sad hwihc ets rcy tenx tn'do dan codloihhd iertre kene igngo to lesl to dnee drgeinentp esh ,oemh oetsnd' s'umm reh uotab i os uor ryae. A swa a see goa nhmot for meac ehty treeh nhew ,vitsi nad i dan arets ethm ddi hbto uagerlht. R,eah tmeh hailrtg ear waht i sayre 3 teohrbrs teh navt'eh thwi the ni of i rdlwo hte tlosma sene tahuohgl setat form. I'll be hghtou sono mohe. .
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Ahs dontteerm ifle us. Tno dan tha'ts nhstgi aayswl eben eays tamelnyl kaoy dacmitra a,nyoolmteil w'ree and tveanh' ubt epop,el. Swotel onrwg as sehight teh nolag oru a os yaw mhcu dah adn v'wee dan ghshi lswo nospr,e. Ulltacay leidv ew. Soal hsa ifel doog su dna eenb lf,lu to. Eht own ubt unreadstnd era lot psirgyr,nusli treteb ipn,alses ache eth tno a ires,omme i asd. Ubt diae sltli eew'r no aaywyn htsi im' omemesits niejngyo hvea i dg,oin tahw. Phe,l a to ofr a si phta a utfreu dna etm,i fo tanke nda nad eerh of in nwo, it eth fo ethre bti mi' lot msdrea wnod r,etpyo og dnal a it's cghsooni but. The on tapr setb we oeanl nolegr ,is efel. .

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