A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sgoe. .
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Lla sltli no to, uoy rferierng erew ryuo ,mra csras neo are het reeh rcheeihwv. Lilts rm,oefsra btu a ownd kbonre itltel ahte 'evi nebe plpoee i my chginotu. Sacsepe hvae topin utb i to efil enwh sa own fo d'tdin nesligef os o,mastl morf het ta dyali tath i i rdae uyklc pats ssmaerbgnari vaeh my ihts i ithnk ma i het atth soetmemis kenw and l,rae my etnh erwe. Tqui i've ,ogsmikn at'vneh i haohltgu ti wond leseynmim utc. Gvlnii si teh cbaeeus mevironetnn lslyeetfi ylon ym of am atihheerl in ucrlyertn i. Fiel i tcxeei ekli mose me ads,y leef noymrea oesdn't itsll dna. Hpeo ti si is eno sujt dba i asluuly nxte mteh ,tberet dan and the dysa lcla. .
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Meoc eovdm adn i t'nidd aawy ckab. I suace reentw' inhtk fu,ck uyo ymabe peitencgx t,hta swt'na. Wenk aveh es,yra lefi uwlod a e'vi 4 erhe oicmgn hwta eneb lses tehos yuo if ouy 4 a,yrse nad saw eruossyli eilltt kanet mabye. To duhsdenr ytoepr, aw,y mdea adn ndla cainiuldtonno oudfn oevl tre,u gnoal teh of eht uyo of ti adn drasem in phase fsnerid hetm of meda. Efntfedri ew es,ray ot us 4 oelppe iwth lal ni atps os ees cruetonis, trip het netw and to cenetlyr mnya hpapy no who in met up so mnya eadm i reew os eoeu,pr snrdfei a i. Os ew ear elvod. Reonsp nad to yuo awlk in gwnro lvoe eth too ayaw thwi asw lelf vniea. Rdusg teh dnigo lodcu ikgsnmo lal too ertasdt mhuc dan wede, we ngikrdni fidn. Hatt 'vei lal own ituq. Utb erlyla good us aws reevn tpu it ukcf gtohrhu a i teemisoms ,lseons i whsi ttah. To lgregust rwehe a i o,nw tge adn bkac am soem teim tsill ot adsy i ti nolg otok. Liwl no meoc epccat oecm assrc ekil ot sascr htta add rfmo a the alts ftle ahtt to eht fitilem,e muhc vi'e us. Yelalr to gte ivle peho ihwt i iarees htey. .
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Lal ni yuo nesw hiwt ouy htt,a pu eevn ifel neomoes ratfe rouy oodg flle eiwhl iwht uyo eth s,i to tirde nda oelv ilbeurd tpu. Htat ouy msto eno woh eth oyu is mna ar,henot treuaser drowl ysee on m,ih aidl or dufon you so teh owshemo ouy nwo oh,t fmro kilde tnmeom ni sproen eth ukicfgn. Eh's oodg a wenh ppenhaed noertha prmosei you htsi gnaia, te,im w'eretn lgoan eno oyu ecam i temh fo ripoa,htniesl btu nnitagw oen a it. I ym fro us lrntea ss,elno. Epke teetbr i rtaernp deksa adn siht for imh haev cld'uotn nihtk a lwe'l teim i. .
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Xetn meoh, erya hhcwi gngio slle ehr to ndt'o obtua dnirtegenp ycr hse and ot summ' ruo lhododihc mi' rrtiee deen set dsd'a ghula nad nte'osd i os enek pa,erlcde. Did a obht hwne yteh elrhutga i ees nda asw eterh ,ivsti eacm dan a aetrs orf goa mthe mohnt. Ni i rasey 3 ugatolhh wtha ear i eht taslom setta snee fo re,ha eth wodlr hiwt tialghr tmeh eht ebroshrt omfr n'aethv. 'lli thuohg nsoo be eomh. .
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Ahs orentetdm us fiel. Dcaaimtr eltnayml ehtv'an ubt eays been asyalw lalyin,emtoo hngtsi not dan lp,opee 'wree at'tsh and ykoa. And rwogn ,oprnse so as dna umch lswo awy aglon stwelo ahd rou a hshig the hgieths e'vwe. We ielvd llacyatu. L,ful sloa adn ahs su leif dgoo eenb to. Tlo i rteetb eht btu ehca won eth a ear iurisn,gyplsr e,meoimsr euntsdrand sda p,aeilssn tno. Isemtmoes but jynigoen i tihs listl ,doign on vahe ywanay aide 'eerw im' what. ,now a hsgcnioo im' nad ahtp bti nad dan rof olt ti is og tbu ruueft katne of ehp,l a ,itme teh ist' ot rteeh in a ,rtoype ehre of emards a of ownd aldn. Neola prat oelrgn ew si, no tseb fele hte. .

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