A letter from October 2nd, 2017

Dear Myself, The concept of writing a letter to my "future-self" is ridiculous. For one there is no future or past times. This is only due to our minds memorizing and imagining ideas and info that surrounds us. And another reason as to why this is ridiculous and unnecessary is because I will eventually stop and consider this to be boring and a waste of time. I am actually suppose to come up with a thesis for my first assignment at College. Never thought you will be going to college, huh? I mean, I never thought I would be going to college. Following the herd, obeying the guardians' orders, not getting the respect I hoped for. Thinking that I might do something great or at least life changing for others. Isn't weird how modern media and sensationalized entertainment brainwash kids to believing that they are special, that they can be special and do special things, and yet only later on to learn one is trapped in the same shadow their parents are in. Those old, decomposing corpses of our ancestors, how much we have learned from them. Elders do not say to emulate their mistakes. Just that those mistakes are inevitable. War. Love. Suicide. What and who we are born to: we cannot escape, we cannot forget. A mirror is just a reminder. Although our outer differences give an illusion of specialization, we are all the same, everywhere, all humans are the same. We have moved again. The family now lives in the State of Washington. As previously said, I have sought higher education, just to make the guardians satisfied for what they will leave behind. No worries. New motto,"One for all, all live on." Drive. Single. Virgin. Everything. Our spirit diminishes. Watching Rick and Morty. I guess that is probably why I'm being so cynical. Possibly the show or me maturing. Best thing: still in touch with at least one person, C. This is my escape from my own loathing. I hate change. Being aware of the benefits and advantages does not help. Unsuspecting change is chaos, blissful ignorance is order. What else can I say? In this last paragraph, I hope for the future. It seems there are two types of cynicals: the willful cynical, who sees the world as it is, but wishes for a different outcome than what is expected; and the compliant cynical, who wished for a different world, yet accepts the world as is. In the future, I hope for none of these. I hope to find meaning in this unforgiving entity we keep referring to as The World. The Universe. Higher Power. God. (By the way, disclaimer, not wanting to trigger anyone, seriously what I believe isn't for everyone. So please don't bomb my house, no hacking, mean comments are inevitable, just asking ya'll to not smash my balls on this.) I hope to have kids. I hope to not have kids. I hope to make those around me feel happy to come home, instead of what I feel now. I hope to forgive and receive forgiveness. Hoping that I will make good with my problems, and if not, I hope that when the darkness finally surrounds me, that I do not fight back, because I went out my own way. And me to frankly say,"I do not care." There will be no sincerely, for we know who we are.