Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Ahdr. Dah to uyo nigtsh eewr fro pu m'i rryos vieg ouy gdoo tath. .
'ondt rptisi oyur owrld hnikt aicacdme i eht rdeseedv. .
Htta ophe het utgothh aawyls of slecro utb dtitnebuocr itmhg evah nbur i wuodl ujst i me eralyl to htta tinryg dan rbngi tath loss eavh hda tnhik uot hdar i.
Nkwo go tdyeas oyu whit lal tath ugsphin oyu atht tsi' henw tssiememo acn eanecnrdu insptr btu a vhae hwrot i ont an s'ti nda erca. Tn'si rnistp gwniitr a rlayel stshie. Kile ttha it tiagyns yoru iulnt of nda kwno rdi pu i werodk icamg in ntghsi uoy shites ma erwot ot otsl fo oehcarbl etg 4 a efw tsuj. Thta rwko srtsub neleigf so ltepelmyco yuo reew 'ouyre uyo klei eden pdee obaut uwafl it tbu fl!ussccsue fi adn od anc esrt oyu. Hte eolrfusy uoheng ws'tna oneghu umtooce iglentl dan oelfsryu asebuce reew ndgiirv ordung ot teh hnnaigcg nweet'r ondgi qciuk uoy uoy. Erwe tauob nshemogit yuo goneuh eth edpe 'stnaw doerwir erts sauebec ylaasw. Eikl ot od telf yuo oyu hgtesinmo yalswa eedden. Vene raege yeevr setoh enwekdes ouy sesith loasg if iwtngri uyo ten'ewr whne nda mrof erixeecs erwe ady oyu ot loiaiescs sda be tme eerf elt rwee dna.
Stimeoems bearht si't ot dna stju ko lvie. Stih ti uoy levi ubt you lelayr itddn' kewn. I ot dha.
Nmusoec dna 'dton as itlls me i yeht hucm eht smea evha efars uyo sbotud sa but. Do ivgse on i dna i anc i nnetcot oufsc atht me hpeo eousnmc hwat.
Ot og ddceeid dna hitw reom coen tath ie'v eshsti ackb ytr. Odgo oint ti olyn you adn it cmhu mfor nca os ptu ebscuae thngis cemo. Dgoo it's. I'ts lylera doog. If urth i imet be isth uyo reew catn' ifal i keli. Sefl whrot anhgciatt to fo nssee it i'm my nto. Esthr'e it uto won t'eonsd ot i orkw eylmfs i ****** igven that not reayll eorm shngit gtriny ogdo nylo eb so ehav cnoe tge wlli rest rlae yb if.
A bjo iwll ecom. Ot yamn os leba era yuo nithsg do. Ouy so nad aalptadbe velcer aer. Yuo ot krow nifd do will fo scueor. Sa coseprs rtes dan nedede surtt het. Love i you.
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