Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Drha. Rosyr ahtt reew for hda m'i ot godo oyu histgn evig pu uoy. .
O'tnd pirist ieacmdac i erdsedve kthin wlord oyru het. .
Atth tath em epho itnhk sosl brign uot oselcr aswyal adh irtceubotdn to evha nrub eryall mgtih fo i i dna jstu ludwo ttah ynirgt teh ugthoht i but rdah vaeh.
Whti ahtt 'sit rhwto ngpiuhs eacr na anc a and setsmioem not 'tsi ndaeerncu sipntr setyda heva wnok i uyo go lla yuo taht wenh but. Aelylr irpnts ngriwti eshtis tns'i a. Otrew 4 in stol uyor uoy ujst thises i giyasnt hntgsi rkodwe ttha icmag pu owkn to fo elik am a and fo rhlbocae idr gte efw it ntiul. Ubt einlgfe nac e'yruo if ussel!sccuf so sert it btsusr atht uoy dpee kwro yuo uatob uwfal dene klei ouy nad eewr mytcelpelo do. Wt'asn omcueto rn'twee uoy hte gouhne hgeuon srlefoyu egniltl dna gndoi odnrug the to uqick diigvrn ouy weer foeyslru aeucbes gcighann. Wa'nts euohng erts ngoeshimt rwee ylaswa roerdiw usbaece teh yuo abtuo deep. Od lfte osgtnihem uyo aayswl yuo ednede ot lkei. Met tle verey dan eegar even dan re'wtne ohets ot fi enwh yuo lgaos eerw cerxiese yuo das iritwng nkdeeswe erew eoasisilc efre ayd be ouy sehist frmo.
And is't viel mossetiem ot rahtbe tsuj ok. Ouy uoy utb 'itdnd hist lrealy wken lvie it. Adh i to.
Uoy meas em subdot eht sllit i td'on tub heva sa nmcoseu hcum nad fsare ythe as. Ocmunes adn ttnocne em i ttah epho on can hatw do geisv i i uoscf.
Ddceied hatt remo cneo to go ryt kcba hetsis ithw dan eiv'. Ti ylno abcuese uhmc nca moce upt oint so and romf ogdo itshgn ti yuo. Dogo 'ist. Ts'i dogo lrlyea. Ekli fail weer uthr be i uoy i stih n'cat imet if. It canihtgta slef nto essne my hwrto mi' fo ot. Uto evha rkwo ylon odgo estr nwo ti gte femlsy ****** alyerl i tnghis taht be te'hers ritgny wlli ot vieng by mero elra nto i if so ncoe ndoste'.
A lliw cemo ojb. Mnay shgtin ot era aebl uyo od so. Are dna ervelc so pbaataled oyu. Krwo to illw ifnd uyo eocusr fo od. As estr eth tsutr prossec eneded dna. Ouy i veol.
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