hoping for a brilliant queer summer!!!

i usually send these at important times in my life, but i don't have an occasion for this one. i guess i'm just launching these feelings into the universe and hoping you feel them on the other side. here's me now: i’m dropping out of uni! i’m going back to work after some time off to focus on fixing my brain and doing drag. brain is still on the rocks but drag is going so well!! this summer is going to be incredible, i can feel it: performing at pride, organising another pride, judging the same competition you won last year…. i can’t wait to bask in the glow of all your achievements. 
performing means so, so much to me. i hope you still have the love and energy for it that i have. i hope you’re still sober! i’m really struggling with it right now but i hope in a year it’s as easy as breathing. you deserve to breathe. it’s been a really ****** couple of years and i hope to all hell that we’re coming out of the end of it better off. i hope you’re happy. i really, really do. i am so anxious and spacey that it feels like i’m not real, just a stormy cloud of hypotheticals. i hope you get more grounded. 
i hope you learn to take the happiness you get onstage into the rest of your life. right now it feels like i’m just catching glimpses of it - that true, real, queer joy whenever i perform - time slows down and it’s just the lights and me twirling about, being lavished in applause. i want to live in those moments forever. i hope you’ve found a way to cling to that when you’re too scared to get out of bed or look at your phone. you are so loved - it’s so easy to believe that about you, this sparkly distant version of me. i can’t say it in the mirror and mean it but i’ll say it here: I LOVE YOU!!!! YOU ARE A DELIGHT TO BE AROUND!!!!1!1!!!!!!!! 
good luck, me. i can’t wait to become you. i hope it’s someone brilliant, someone HAPPY.  i’m giving myself a hug right now, and i hope you feel it somehow. i love you.
-  present day you (21 and anxious) <33
p.s have you gotten to see chappell roan? that is The Dream right now!