A letter from Dec 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hi, I hope you're doing good while reading this. I recently relapsed, I'm sorry. But that's okay, that's part of healing, right? I hope it didn't leave too many scars. And I'm already so excited to go back to Poland, fortunately Christmas is soon. Can you believe that the Christmas and New Year's Eve vacation starts on December 22? I'm honestly shooked. I miss Poland so freaking much, I'm sure you can imagine. My social life is ******, I'm always exhausted and get angry at everyone. I can't tell if I like my class or not. Everything's so hard lately, I'm so restless it hurts. I miss Lucile so much. I'm sure she doesn't even think about me anymore, but it still hurts to see her from afar. I'm not sure if I'll ever talk to her again, but I know I want to so much. But she seems happy, and that's all that really matters to me. My derealization got worse. I want to go back to reading, but I feel like I'm too tired to. I just want life to leave me in peace, I just want to rest and feel real or even just meaningful for someone or something, somewhere. Handball's great. Let's be honest, Guillaume is hot. I feel lame or just useless to the team/game often, but derealization hits me and I just ignore it, yay :) Anna really is a star. Not like the nickname I give her, but like a real star in the night sky. She helps me, she doesn't even know it. I'm worried for Clara, I hope she feels better. And that I could help her. I don't even know how I feel about my other friends, I feel so strange sometimes that being with people pains me. I'll end my letter hoping that everyone I care for is happy and healthy, especially my dog. I can't live without him. Hope you get well, too. Bisous <3