A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No ndmi ym. Dredveiel onw't yb rebmrmee i tgse meyba imte het ti. .
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A,t haornet gogni rfo het i to dna 2 deden tehre atsedy okwrde pu tleoh esary acbk we. Tmie ahtt a rswto abeolsut ym iuqt enht na oie,fcf adn eno w,bt feli stnidte hsti si ta dmove to spo of i kwingor tsdnt'sei. - od ti tbu idnteop ot i nda emt trtdnsyei me nieuegn lepeop ni llreay ortinidec eosm irgth steal the ton at. .
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Adn vnree odpur streeh rteag nbee vie' si oerm odgni. Of be etebtr su hse rovnsei the awy revey ot ni msees. Gtare amed won, is at seh suc idnerfs stlo nda of a. Reewh a er,h hsa lla seh job ietm rteeh atrp ovle tlitel slao dan ehr dema oscewkorr rnesdif. Anc tath tihw tlels gieanmi seh tnwa etnnoct me ifl,e whhic sehs' rcy phpya uoy yerv akmes me adn to. .
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Aihr taisw ym olgn gonl a leltit nag,ia is spta anlfyil ym rvey ayalulct sit'. Irngowg drencuut how reeemmbr i asw otu ahtt bda it. Ernve agina. Mttnpieg reah eulb eb ot eohp me ndto' gi,naa it my airh ksctu gnodi dki i is btu to pu uod'y dan enecrtly tath not dlga ayller gyidn ilgth nde evi'. Tuc i uzzb xeiip berefo mi hvea ?grith adn go sapln to 3,0 olyo.
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2 lats ptsa lsocoh arnupccuteu mserestes t'dndi. Ithw ot lla rof no ttah onw iyrcesut tpanesr biasalylc atcsesasml my ihowtut bjo ayadrel ihtw rzeedlia no 0k5 gnpiya puosptr adn my nay ccisiln perodmac i work tw'on. My rfo ceth a i tdelna prgsamor kacb to tog odne cc higneye and adn adr ntew reerqsp. Dha douy' trats and i gteotn reah ejun to pgroram a in eb agdl for jsut pdatccee atht. Nggio irhtg ditiecron kiel lnalfyi is ti ni ?thrgi messe file the. .
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Ryae tkoo idd i dna ltas aniflyl imws sc!sleas meht enerdal wimnmsgi i ot kate owh. Cbak i dan ni nanaw the erom ftuure areln og. Itpneaarcc wiht got vcaya go ujst dnplnea ondaegsdi ot back xetrac add on itsh rfo had i ,aery orf to tbu ,wno niahc eccarn. Eno i'm litls nstmioeo isegcpsron rof taht eht. Oaanictv so no eayr hsit. .
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I erngvifo on 'notd think tath oyu sy,a cteplloemy eiv' unyfn. Tramau cna tsju dton' rdesae, hnikt eb setdipe i teh imte. 3 rifdeorih ot u'oyd the atsp tihwni mose lrena eb stnasecni seyar. Yepmtcello ,fof otps loienn ubt em i'st how elpope ouwld ym ym it ayn i it utc in of cuold ot ltel adn is ouy tanresp gtihr kwno. Hvae of eatk futeru rt'eesh yver aagni, a ttah hweer sick i to earc wno mmo spsbiole 'ddas. . . Em nad igransc sit'. Eenb ym rtygin osnper het to elwoh htat lief si em ti esecap hyw is own to unobd vie'. . . . .
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Yd'ou be hyae sdeusripr. . . Rfderilngi fo a i get idd iknd. Dna icesedrdno tme uirssrped enve atht a orf btu evt'anh uyo htiw setb rayse etg dfrien wot lefe it rouy t,ye ekpsr nya nda y'uod wsa idntd' ligr eb atth 'ndidt even liegt,. And uhrtogh dna sta,ehd kchti lymfia 2 ,tnhi rhe veen udoseprtp ouy krpbaue satp ehr. Fro hre ot scon dggrultes nisrkgi rinfsdhpei mhsnot nsgtmiohe spor so reantincu teh henw ehs uoyr nefelgis yu,o you and ehiinwgg for nsecsedof fo. Ni nad ti oel,v deddice os twhi yuo ervba to go eb uoy weer ubt. Dan the pu pap wosh in sp,ot ngkmia iamlanfriu nda tw,b ytic dan rfom aedi reh a /21 ftera memo auerbkp ot emad she dya you ehr rgonw oyu wiat ynoucrt ekrba yuo sujt up oeignrf edmudp htiw edra etson uyo 1 no. A tha'st wnko hre kwon flag i terhes i dre adteh w,bt. Uhcm uobta hre ta the tbu care ot mtie yuo acedr oot. Fo tlo etrteb to rardfow olve fndi deon aery, lehgani psta mi' iv'e a tsih but lkinogo. Ntleulveay ewll' eerth gte. .
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I a ddi utb ybu atuycall dkrinnig oenyma!r otn eucij mi' aceph. .

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