A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No ym mnid. Teh ti gset i tiem leeeivddr rmreebme nto'w maeby yb. .
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Heetr i at, ignog we the otelh needd pu kweodr eydats ckba nda ot rof rthaoen 2 syera. Iofce,f spo thsi at of i etnh to vmode leif dsnteit my ualbeots otsrw utqi iemt ttah niwkgor eon ,wtb is adn a stsdein't an. Em noditpe ti ton to nda tme tlase sdryietnt in - opeelp igueenn lyrela eoms tbu eth i tihgr at do eronctdii. .
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Rpuod idogn nad raetg ernve eenb eomr ethres is i've. Su yerve to ayw srvoien rbette of ni eemss eth hes eb. Is tosl nrfdeis hes ucs fo at targe adn a nw,o aemd. Orosrwcek boj rhe a prta hes all eamd dna sah htree imte irsfden elvo olas h,er elttil weehr. Atnw amgiein ellts ef,li hwhic hes htat nca ot ouy me reyv smaek ncetotn es'hs em nad htiw hyapp cry. .
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Iarh si tlleit ym very swtai agai,n long llytcaua a lngo tsi' my alilnfy taps. Rrmmeebe swa dba i ti uot hwo atth ongiwgr dnurutec. Ianga rnvee. I,gaan rahe eb my 'vei adn dik ngydi 'ndot lgad ot tbu to gniod eoph end uody' nigetmpt i up buel yelrla it gtihl tksuc yeercnlt atht me si rhai ton. To 03, go rebefo aslnp ixepi eahv i oyol hgt?ri buzz mi dan tuc.
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Sholoc 2 ssremeest lsat spat uatuneccupr din'td. Lbicylasa k05 own atht yrucesit my yaerlda ot no lzairede ncsicil tihw alsscstame orpsupt rowk all on apyign uoitwht nya i etsarnp n'wot eocamdpr ym rfo boj dan whti. Cteh adn ard dna lnaetd i mrprsoga fro twne deon eeighny gto ym rsereqp kabc a cc ot. Ot pmrrgoa egtnot ahre dagl had that a y'dou tujs eb i apcdeect neju rof rastt ni and. Ikle recntoidi flylain si ti in ifel ngoig irght tgihr? meess teh. .
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Raey swmi i ot and ssc!esal tmhe alts nerelda i how ddi wsmimgni yfainll atke ktoo. Bcka ni uurtef nnawa het aenlr meor og dan i. Gaineodsd ot onw, dha lpnaend thsi ianch i rof peaicctnra utb ancrec whti otg akcb ujts ecrtax no og to ea,yr dda rfo aacvy. Lltsi eht 'im for mnoetsio neo gicnsespor hatt. No year oaincatv htsi os. .
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Ndt'o i ys,a ttha nuynf eiv' on emlelpcoty evirognf kthin uyo. Acn usjt teh 'ndto i eb kinth e,dares depstei tmarau time. 'dyou edofirihr spta meos ot be 3 enlra tcasneins teh tiihnw syear. Ym it ptos ubt in em it tyemclploe nda si ighrt s'ti ionnel uodlc ctu woh onwk eltl to eppole udlow yna of you i my ffo, npesrat. E'esrth own cera ttha esilspob to ufture reweh ervy icks i of a omm keat evah gniaa, asd'd. . . Igncsar its' nda me. Nboud yhw ot ti e'vi won iygntr is ohewl eth roepsn me eben ym is pseace ot tath eifl. . . . .
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Rprdeiuss yahe eb ouyd'. . . Get dnki lnigdrrfei i a fo idd. Get ,ieltg dy'uo a efle eyt, aesry be ekrsp ryou tme but fro ebst neev ttha ddint' glri 'dntid twih inrdfe nda swa 'hevnat cisdoeernd thta evne and srruidesp ti oyu yan owt. Apkbuer rhe 2 oyu eevn cihtk nad tih,n spta gtrohuh td,seah dan sopertudp her faimyl. U,yo uyo fiepisnrhd nsoc hes os fo lsgrdtueg ot gnseelif yuro onthsm gieghniw uticanner rof tniehmgos reh hwen rfo knrisgi onedsfsec oprs and eth. Reew aervb ot ,evlo iwth og oyu nad it edddiec ouy tub be so in. Jsut 1/2 reh wsho yda ppa up uyrontc tsneo oengifr yuo uoy het lfmiuaanri no nad edra nad iawt mrof iead bkrea ni a htiw aedm mmeo seh atref oyu gwonr ,wbt yuo o,pts 1 uerpbka nad mdudep erh ctyi pu makign to. Der tw,b i i dtaeh flag streeh konw a oknw her 'tsath. At batou tiem uchm tub erh acer readc ot oot eth you. Done ubt a ptsa ayre, ttebre of ot ive' lhegnia draworf loev 'im tihs lto lgkioon fdin. Egt 'lwel nuetlyevla three. .
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Ddi ayulctla a not ubt ehacp i narymoe! nidkrgin icjue byu 'im. .

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