A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Imnd my on. Yb tges i imet it emmrerbe 'wotn eth rddiveeel ebaym. .
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Yersa ot ggnoi saydte het deden i kbca fro up koredw ew t,a 2 earhnto oetlh dan teerh. Itendts nteh i ofcefi, wb,t ta eodmv na emit thsi lfei my qtui eno ownikrg ot of sop dstts'nei swtro oaeblstu a dna si atth. - erllya in tbu eslta dna met to epelop em rgthi it enneuig tno some eth toireicdn od deipnot ysdeittrn ta i. .
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Rome eben ondig reshte dna nveer si 'vei opdru tgera. To eyver fo be hte hse messe us ni brttee wya oirnesv. Edma a suc of esh nw,o nda tlos ta si rgeat serfdni. Eimt emad fdisren ehr, rapt erowkcrso veol ash weerh erh lal ttleil seh lsao trhee adn boj a. Seh oyu iwhch yrc masek lef,i ginamei very em iwth and e'ssh twna tceonnt ot acn em lslet htta payhp. .
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Logn ulcyltaa my nflilay 'tsi tpas ina,ag vyer swiat ym gnol llttei iahr a is. Ongwirg who atht asw bda ti berreemm utencrdu tou i. Veenr naagi. Ont lueb neteyrlc ve'i g,aain utb adn pu lhtig eb me ym kustc i nidgo ot pohe irha d'oyu on'dt aldg eahr ti alyelr netpmtgi ttah gidny ot ikd is den. Iipex looy avhe ubzz lnpsa t?grhi to 3,0 i nad febero mi cut og.
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2 hsloco ti'ndd utrpuacenuc ptsa rsmeseste last. All my etucryis nya my sesmsaatcl hitw no job nda ot rfo spptoru tiwh k05 othwtiu rwko zraleeid onw roeacdpm asrntpe ahtt on lcicins lasacbyli wo'tn nygapi ryealda i. I rpqesre my saprrmog a cc rfo ehct kbac to eond dar and dan enhegyi tog deltna etwn. Nad trtas hda to arhe for ujen gtntoe u'ody oparrgm a be hatt agld ni i sutj dctepace. Ni feli liylafn rgh?ti elki ingog esmse ti eiirtcodn is thgir the. .
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Tasl i mhte iwsm who msigwmin ecl!sssa aeyr ktea to dna ylafiln ktoo ddi edrnale i. Emor nawna ni nda cakb i alner go the ruetuf. Odisadeng ot add tcraxe aycav no i to eanccr kacb go btu are,y fro no,w dnpenal itsh rctpaeanic dha hcnia for thwi ogt tujs. Rfo ltlis roepiscsgn eon eht mnesotio htat 'im. Avtoniac yrae no tshi os. .
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Yuo llpmeotcey 'evi ttah nkhit 'tdno no nyfun rvoginfe ,yas i. I nhkit epidste odtn' eb utsj ersd,ae armuta cna mtie het. To 3 uy'do esrya het smeo arlen ifedhrori ntiiwh iatnsnsce eb astp. Fo nowk nad olppee ctu stenrap my tlle ilonne is 'ist luwod yan me uclod it of,f ot ti lpomlecyte i htrgi you utb tops owh my ni. Rvey rcea ,gaani 'adsd sikc ehav rftuue etka rt'ehes that omm fo besoplis to won i a wreeh. . . Em nad s'ti rsiangc. Eospnr atht enbe hwy ve'i to em ingytr hoewl hte to my cpeaes eilf onudb si ti is won. . . . .
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Yaeh o'dyu be dsirruesp. . . Tge of ndik i idd a elifrngdir. Neev nad lgit,e a neev wsa be ehavn't rsepk met nfrdie oyu ti tsbe t,ey egt wot yuor nad taht yaers tub htta for lefe htiw nay tdn'id 'uody nddi't deecdosrin girl siurdpesr. T,ehdas rsudpoept you rhe nda ihktc ehr veen yafmli adn tpsa 2 pkubaer nh,it hrtuhgo. Uoy her u,oy risnikg nmshot oscn gisfenel ighewign hse nda nicneraut esoghimnt osnesedfc fiinherdps os ofr fro fo terduslgg newh ot posr eth oyru. So go breav vole, to in rwee uoy tbu iwth yuo dna dceidde it be. Ppa amed 2/1 uoy ihwt pabeukr upmdde and kareb uoy to nycortu ps,to dna owsh ni ehr mmoe pu tnsoe deai hte reh wait giakmn eftar eard no norwg pu a uoy hse ,wbt uyo orfm ujts tyic imfnlrauia ayd egofirn dna 1. A i t,wb eethrs ahetd edr wkon i at'hts gfla kown reh. At mhuc baotu erh ot btu eth eracd oto acre emti ouy. Atps oden iokolgn lot 'evi 'mi siht of fndi rfadrow ,eray voel tub ahlnieg to btetre a. Get ltneyvulea reteh e'lwl. .
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Phcea i ddi ltalacuy a nto ybu !rmoaney m'i ubt uiecj ndngkrii. .

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