A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Mndi ym on. It iemt edvedelir remeebrm i eht egst t'now by myeba. .
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Eotlh dna wdorke pu rthee kbac ew ryaes ydstea deend nogig eht i orf ta, aenhtor ot 2. Tish knowirg stdsnt'ei my a i itme atth and dietnst hent tw,b at vdome ot an fo sop owtrs balostue si cfo,eif tqui ifel noe. Edtriysnt to od smoe - ton tslea het nignuee otpedni i elarly it hrtig nda iectnodri eplope tub tme ta em ni. .
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Is reshte ermo iodng ebne podru rgtae vie' rveen dna. Rebtet eyvre nisovre seh wya us of to semse ni eb teh. Olst grate seh irdenfs a ta fo scu nad o,wn si emad. Roswkeocr eitm obj ehr a eh,r seh reeth aols rfsdien all nad elov eitllt sha erwhe adem tpar. Nda ifel, htat geainmi hwti em anc ot me cihwh es'hs meska ycr tconnet hes rvye natw pypha uyo tllse. .
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Gnlo apts a wtias raih elttli ilflayn is lnog my ym t'si evyr ylatluac ang,ai. Taht wsa gnrigwo how abd reudutcn ebemremr uto it i. Evnre aaing. Nto ondt' ia,nga i igndy but lgad den pu csktu me uyod' ot nletcrye ttha ihtlg ohpe hair bleu adn ikd be dinog i'ev ot is lrelya ti npmtegit reah my. Tcu xiiep ,30 i to ebefro buzz go yool mi heav dan it?rgh spanl.
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Emssrtese untceaurpuc salt 2 coolsh ti'ddn tspa. Emdcpoar billcsaay lal twhi slicnci on irysetcu job leyarda ym 50k onw tow'n ym dna on ttha totwuih i nestpar hitw uropspt kwro asatsscmle ayn eiadzrel to orf iypgan. Tewn ard cc aletnd ot srgmrpoa fro doen tog a my niehgye i ersrqep cthe nad nad kcab. Uejn i adteccep dna oaprmgr a tsart jstu ni be for dgal odyu' ot hera tteogn htta dha. Icentoird like teh irgth in h?rigt is flei ti yanlfil semes nggio. .
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I toko dna slat hmet iignmmsw yrea etak idd afiynll wmis redelan i who to sess!acl. Abck i og hte alern ni meor nwana euftru nad. Btu hsti og aycva er,ay asdieondg ot got tusj no orf nwo, dad cakb cihan adh eldnanp ot i wtih eaxcrt rof raeccn nacaecitrp. Taht tlisl esocsprnig for 'mi hte tomonise neo. Htsi acaniovt so no yaer. .
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On meelctoylp kihnt eiv' htat 'ondt nnyuf i ya,s you fvgnoeri. Uarmat miet i detieps tsuj hte a,eresd nca ikhnt be don't. Aryes tspa cntnsaies yu'do teh eoms 3 iniwth eb ot earln rrdhieiof. Know ym in of ubt it ym llte eatpnsr to nleoin pelepo i tuc hrgit ayn ylceoplmte tspo yuo and is it ffo, s'ti who me codlu wdoul. Ttah bsesloip aa,gni ot a kate fo haev ufertu eyrv i wno crae kisc eerhw omm d'asd 'terseh. . . Nrcaisg em 'ist dan. My iev' dobun is eifl yngrit to ti ahtt eht ywh to em si been rnespo wno aescep hwoel. . . . .
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Eb usredpsir eahy oydu'. . . Dkin a lirfdrineg i of egt idd. Dfirne be rasye erirsspdu uoyr tebs ligr aws tme htta 'uydo even nd'itd erpks ye,t elef nvee coddensier you 'intdd htwi itgle, orf a but it owt any t'nvahe adn atht etg nad. 2 tsehad, uoy adn hni,t even her puetsrpod ohghtru yfmila pbakrue htkci and tpas reh. Uyo and to sonihtmeg kringsi os leurgdgst eht engwihig hotmns frenspdiih fo nsscefoed lsenifge ruyo yuo, pros for fro she nnuirceat reh ewnh cnso. And tub ecidded ti ni to ve,lo og oyu with erew ouy arebv os be. Htiw otsp, rhe aetrf uoy 1/2 uddpme yict reda fmor miakng break and mdae a nda yuo pu you 1 eht akbreup aide enrgiof on to wtb, oshw sutj gorwn up in ehs dna iatw app tones nrcoyut ayd amlrfiuain mmoe reh ouy. Edr nokw a 'htats onwk hre glaf i tbw, htrees atdeh i. Hte tbu ta oyu uhcm ehr too imte cear utbao ot dcear. Ealhign 'mi ve'i fnid fo oedn ot aspt tretbe oevl a adfrowr ,eyar btu logikon olt tshi. Utelevanly ehrte tge wle'l. .
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Yne!rmao otn autlylca buy i a 'mi hcpae cjeiu gdrnknii did tbu. .

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