A letter from Feb 10th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Well, I broke up with Ethan yesterday. I despise myself every second. Does it ever get better? Do I learn to forget? Can I ever forgive myself? I miss him more than anything right now, and it's all I can do not to run to him when I see him and tell him it was a mistake and beg him to take me back. I love him so much and it hurts to lose him and it hurts even more knowing that it's my fault, it's entirely my fault. I hate myself more every minute and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it. I hate me so much right now. Are we friends again? Are we at least friendly? Does he ever forgive me, does the pain ever stop? I miss him so much and I don't understand it because my heart wasn't in the relationship, hadn't been for a long time but now that it's gone my heart is dying. I'm sobbing my eyes out as I write. Please tell me it gets better, because I don't know how I'll stand it if it doesn't.