A letter from May 24th, 2020

Time Travelled — almost 6 years

Peaceful right?

Dear Me Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play? Is it terrifying to grow up? Do we still think about our bio dad? Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too. I'm scared I'm scared for mom I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me. How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...

Srdcea. Mi’ for dvaeyyer reacds iktnh ym lwli lwihe ielf eb i and fo a i. Ahs lal ew gnol llactyau utsrn eht od stfcefe mert tuo ienpergssr. M’i levo in hwo a hrwee edivl aehhytl gh?tohut ton evlduw’o r’ewe asw wiht dwlor hougtht yuo roura,a ehr dan vree orsry you. Am nda a to od aetcher gonig snisopa a i sllti orf i eb it llraey evah. I tlyru do ree,btt i etongt lerlya hntki evew’. Otghuth athw tbu it stih elov eth yuo ouy ihnkt hda item i sn’twa udfno uyo eeeddn ev’we. Owh owt oyu odrlw gvei leov yuo dolwu htat woh dnesrif ahev for and orf uoy het uoy pelpoe ear. Blale stal elkadt oyu (ts)ra dnaeecc btu ltak rbreeemm i to no’td nda irsasa, imet nrqelfeuty i istll ro facers,n het. Hntki reve gloniv spto emht ’olylu i n’dto. Tge eno loudw pxteec not we baryobpl ato,tot did yuo a lflynia glhaouth. Oepm ugthh,o owdul hte tmiecfnar hcihw oevl oyu i mfro a sit’ edn ueotq nwko. Orypte otaghhul i tenh idd eerv twrie uoy ew on orme sofcu vleo tilsl ot. Eth flegesin lshep egt dba otu ti. Buaot i twhi wludo ’weev uor isgngni vredpimo er’ew dan llsit nstapseioa likssl both iitnwrg te’rehy ysa adn hitgsn. I nda rojma it up a chmu ned atth did wno os olvde ts’i ruo ypa,l in i. Tlueto kmae rolwd sgiev senes ehterat for henw su an the sn’tdoe. Ltlite wognrig is pu sayrc a. Lrlaye leebiev ofr d’i tno yna insttnucosir terypt ende oingd tub ’srhete od uyo r’wee tawh ot klie ellw ot. Shi be i ni ont no’dt lwl’e kithn eerv ywa ewre’ but tiesr solec dad won he wiht nda. Rmbemeer hte dan wehli poeelp ti ew rasee ip,an eh aer idk ttha afllblie ts’i wsa stuj wehn to irtpmanot ’ntosed bonr ewer a. Sorew m’smo tgnoet. I pmoevir asw rtswo htat rhe btu thelha awsyal enerv ddi iraghntem nwok royu. Ngimvo htiw othrn dna raaz ni iircvgond the jeo raalcnoi to ess’h of psoecrs. Eth eerw urht i’m oto oyu evlo atht amnte woh plopee dan reev to oysrr to uongy leiaerz orsyr yuo ouy, htat era only m’i. Era zaar iskd nyol ohguhtal het nokw tuboa i d,oog. Mheo adn mevdo no eon oga sraey erceveodr asw thta frmo ylaler a fomr stinju our wef ash. Orngw with hs’se a bayb our z h’etrse to hses’ )odlu rigl be slaway fo gnoig ol(as llsti but otl ihgsnt yes. Owh eacsrd nwko eerw ouy i. Owh hgistn ogt dan emesed dkar i bad meti owkn ohw the lal riehtnvgey. I im’ veha tbu essl i uldow ekma knwo ceasdr ntghsi atht eoelpp esem tsill i yirgrefnit ysa. ’ttsah ngogi tyiname gneach onso to wre’e dna vliea nto lislt. Tknhi reom hspel rnlecbiied you i im’ thne lowdu yas zreieal uyo raghnei. ,fo eeeddn bgine erhe i be for iefl nvee atht ot ym hktni ubt i upodr of dlwuo liev ot emrrbmee em ywa eb in that dwolu you uoy i pdruo nwat a. Ielwh nto lareyl sti’ loev tebs h“et ,ocgllee ni ”osolhc, i erntews and end od idd up ew. Astmr ’sti edgsar ruo we lyreal aer newh ebacseu aer taubo ufsft we igmnzaa cera. I i tbu tno wlli uers asy if ot am evre ’id ownk klei i ohw ’mi. Ihktn omer it fo saw n,itpa it ti dtno’ i i cltaau me but asecep yhppa ,sisaonp ouy tills akmse na hnet hatt dvole an. Royu ti of oerv olwud lal ilef os inritgw apcel llayre snees kmeas be uryo nay hte oto ereint atht si. Dunfo teha we ittningk dan iedtr tuo ti we os much. As lelh oinanyng st’i. Ruht ohw erh ont ot lowud i tou iggon hsit erahc ’mi ot btu wnko ot you umch it reha. Us to tle nda tgriyn in i ehr to fersue cabk lfei litsl wsya hrtu my m’i dtrsaedunn ehs iton. Esh mdierar lncyet,re hspoto asw i keofaocb ogt no somm reh het. Nda uoy sdevrdee it ahtt cumh olve orrsy os vega seh rhe im’ uroy verne fo. Acke abke lltacyua heort sierfnd atdibhry oru idd orf i yad, bets eht eadm i a. Cj si him you nad hitkn i wluod his ordae maen. Iedirfrnlg rveo we ,eta sheat us eth eatdhr uor aubto idd rfo hchwi ernve tge. Tiedrefnf fro we ob!y) eveyr t, ewek a nyejo ew ris!(perus whhci teijsncnoi is’t od do nikd of a. I wihs adn ni back og ktal ucold to i oyu iemt. Rbeett and mieoprs tge hgtuhro gsntih atht amed it i yuo. Ot flie yuo u’reyo dna yuro tehm yearedyv aveh pploee so rea richhes ulcyk in hatt ehetr. Ew btu efcrtpe ’rante hypap reew’. Uyo rue’oy v’euocdl levo roem ehtn eher angidmei ecaesub otg i i who uyo erve. Yigtrn rhee uoy lwdtuno’ if eb n’ditd peke i. Wsa i atth ubt eritd nokw uyo oot i wnok so id’tdn up mp,gtenit ew ggiivn enve meeomsist. Ovle hree ouy uoy nda dstyae buesaec i im’.

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