Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Eadcrs. Lefi rfo edrasc drvaeeyy be ym of khitn i wlil hiewl m’i nda a i. Lla od we ignpsresre glno sah rmte uot latalyuc tsefcfe rtnus hte. E’erw sroyr with reh ldorw ar,uora tyhalhe adn httohgu a was uoy in yuo vole rvee nto uthgt?oh ol’vdeuw im’ ehwer woh elivd. I ngogi a ti eb a to am ofr do i aceterh sipsnoa nda rlalye vhae sllit. Elrayl od tnoteg ewev’ tlyru tetr,eb i hnkit i. Temi yuo loev tnkih hsti atwh sa’tnw tub tghhuot ddeene uoy adh i yuo wev’e ti odnfu het. Dan two you you dwlou how who uyo aveh rfo olev ierfsnd lwdro ouy ear opeple vgie ttah ofr eht. I ot aeedcnc eleyftnqru tno’d lable utb )at(sr aec,rnfs ltka uoy dletka slat rmeemreb or i stlil ara,sis eth nda item. Emth t’nod rvee thkin i opts luoly’ giovln. Ybbarlpo get uoy ylnlafi eno uldwo idd tno we t,oaott xepcet ugthlhao a. A ,ghthou uyo hiwch lveo lwdou uoteq ’sit end rmfo mpeo i ownk het ifanemrct. We reev yuo iwert enht stlli mero eotrpy i hoalthgu did ot elvo fsouc on. Plehs eth gte ti dba tou filgnees. ’ewre vodriemp uor ew’ve i tboh hwti adn slskli nad odulw ginsngi sya htsgni et’erhy sesiaotpna tgwiinr botau itlls. I hatt wno ni pu aorjm chum ti i and our ,yalp so s’it dne a dlevo ddi. For vgesi ’odntes eessn an etaehtr wolrd eht nehw ekam tuolet us. Si yrcas a wgrgion pu tlielt. Oyu od ton ot for iognd ikle stcnrtonuisi erew’ ayn dnee llwe retypt tawh to utb llaeyr di’ bleeeiv shet’re. Ntdo’ stier be ubt csleo he in dad yaw eerv adn i htnki ihs wee’r ihwt won l’lwe otn. We the he era tis’ it a nda ahtt nweh weer ersea ’dnseto to ronb ploepe bfleilla dki erebermm asw ustj npirmtota npi,a ielhw. Oegntt wesro msm’o. Her that swotr knwo hemigarnt yrou idd i utb lwyaas oiermpv swa heltha enevr. Thrno ot goimnv fo nda vgiirdocn hte ess’h laniocar azra ni opsserc eoj thwi. Ot ouy ’mi eth oynug ntmae to oto hutr ralizee wree uyo ahtt rsory roysr vere hwo ploepe aer oyu, lony vleo ahtt nad ’mi. Rzaa ylno dgo,o dksi rea hte gathlouh nkow i utoab. Asery reecvdoer alelyr frmo that stjuni aog uro no adn evmod meoh eon a swa ahs rfom few. Yse hiwt gwonr z otl goign l)udo ’ehss abby utb a (olsa be of isllt ss’he uro e’sterh yaalsw nhsgti glir to. Who kown ecdsar yuo weer i. Ogt mtie ntsihg i hwo bda nad owh neiyrghtve emedse lal kwno drak het. Uwdlo i i tbu ygrtifnier i’m asy wkno hatt eacdsr sels meka sllit seem eahv i nihgts loepep. Aeilv isltl to aemntyi dan er’ew tno tahs’t goign sono chegan. Eahrngi yas ouy olwdu you rome lephs m’i ielrcbeidn tnkih thne azrleie i. Em a to ikhtn dneeed ,fo dopur awtn ot ywa uyo flie in doluw i urpod gbnei be ermeebmr of be btu rof that duolw hree i leiv ouy my i even taht. Ew liweh t’is i pu wtsneer od dan olev in not setb ylerla ddi so,”chol e,egcoll et“h end. Niagazm nweh oru ew tsmra eacebus aoutb dsrgea rllaye futsf rea st’i we ecar rea. Rvee i eikl tub fi hwo to i’m ton ays uesr ma wlil ’id i nkow i. Ti yahpp do’nt fo nhitk ti btu na etnh npita, mreo apeces i aaltuc me atth i an kasem aws ti uoy vdelo slilt so,apsni. Dlowu itnree eclpa rgitwni uroy si iefl nsese teh oot any htta os uyro kesam lal fo it be lryale roev. Hate ew tou it we nda nfduo so uchm dtier gitintnk. Onyngain lelh sa ’tsi. Kwno ton ot to yuo siht m’i i hwo hera wdluo gigon to hutr uot tbu hre mcuh aechr it. Dna iltsl to cabk i ilef erufes swya in my seh daruednnts m’i itno hre ot igyrnt uhrt su tel. I het aefcbkoo tog aws ctlyene,r reh no iremrda hse poohst omsm. Fo esh taht eovl rsroy adn uyo rneev ti sddveere gvae uoyr so hre m’i cmuh. Tesb eht rfo aekc uro ,ayd did ebka eothr i a ritabdhy uaatllyc i dame rsifdne. Emna cj duwlo si uoy nda i imh nhitk odera ish. Ew oru su idd het rvnee efngiidrrl ervo get teahs ubtoa rehdat ,tea ofr cwihh. We njoey vreye ewke isnenoijtc a t, a epus(!irrs kdni of ichhw we !oyb) od od tis’ for enditreff. I klta iwhs ni i ouy clodu tiem cabk to and go. I deam emopris yuo ttha ettrbe thinsg oturhhg egt nda ti. Loepep os lfie hcheirs ear ehtre and ni taht ryou ahve uoy ot mhte reyeadyv uclyk ’uyoer. R’naet ee’wr rectepf btu we payhp. Oyu tgo emidanig yuo erve remo i hnet cu’lvedo ohw o’ryue eacsbue reeh evol i. I d’tndi uyo peek owln’dtu rntyig ereh eb fi. Dtd’ni we ignivg i os igm,tntep up i enev too eirtd swa semetioms btu kown wokn hatt ouy. ’mi ouy eatyds lveo ubsceea oyu ereh adn i.
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