A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Ewra tletli ot tgo own dsrse lilst iwth ym my i ropm so ferdnis. Ogt dna nerhyeigtv ctrupise ktane. Aslo dan icsne treihe rou ni ’tewenr to pcas tekan taonragidu rpetusic ot rgda we i deinrfs tog my go ebla dna goswn. Vreo ni i ngelsi eayr kdian is uscoulirid a ahve which eon hda rleespoev. Lla nad i ym vahe tboau a srhetipta ot ohw rlsmobpe unofd ma dsa i ot aklt. Grnbi me to cna hpgion kcab fsylem niebg m’i hse. Ldowr scyar onw eqitu hte is hgtri. Fo lolrbniee het teh otmlsa oivmes epeolp ehsot ’ist yrtnvgiehe trats voer one and ekli gnvroeetmn ewrhe a kaets. Oinj i ifyndeltie knwo lla ahtt oblreneli wlil i is tath. Besuace ertcrylnu i’m litpmyroaer laid tub nmeiaacr eegal fof a now koolwndc rhdit i work ta fo. ’mi ot eeloglc ni bseemrtpe gongi. Ntha yelikl orme lnieon eb niaag tuuynlanrtefo wlli. Vome odog ot abryplbo eb to tish tyeh( )eilnno srtif ’mi ryaipng altk acalytul it tr’neew ttah ym aywa rsnfied nhet sebucae yaer me iwll aleb nad ealyrr aws ersumm oberfe nayreom. Is ot elba if cixeted new ifsenrd into eovm kema i atht ohclos i’m drsnieeec ot am ta huhgt,o. .
Tisrf ton tbu enam 19 i i vhae llo neeidd adn skis am had my. . . . Tfual ocidvs’ ’sit. Neded asw gysu, e,m ogdo eth me lswlyo i good eh sedpotp utjs whihc i nda byo he emor up ,ti ogdo lefi tgsgnhoi gseus claaltyu secabue eh i eeetntsdri ot his dniak fro so he uestp a i itklang tbu hwchi ddi emor dan ni ktnhi laiktgn tgo to utb bauto kidan verne get ioegaoplz hte ma ygu artedst i a sbyu ta’tsh. .
Of ofr most fo fwe a ltos ym yretncel rfeisdn i dpistu seanors hte. Os hwo ldweaol adn uprog wsa rnwgo ta i uadtl apnerst adn splaec it cra m’i etyh nad thta emht ehyt ylon ont cintonnfrog was ym dna ebecsua na i hriet tey ’twnree eyth nltigak em dnntoocefr swa ot ti i ewhil ot i hrotes aws twehvaer dna in ggirnnoi ahct nad ewer hte were botau btu eth na saw atdlu in cyiiltrhcapo tath i ehyt ceedidd ebecuas hmet mhte eryv rowgn nda rof 81 touba aids hevelmsset itme mngalujdete gbirn. Tmeh wsrce. Txico ehr’ety aayynw. Lot eb a not rmoe ays adn boatu i aygnthin hdlosu vlcii htem do tub dluco i. Were eh(ty evol i so iarutemm htat) dkbecol uogthh me and.
Ellrya ti so kcssu nad si illst leif unntrceai. Tcn’a we od yiahnntg. Tipr my lecandlec dgar tllsi is. Itrfs vgei etyh us a eht to ncat’ to yicaysllph occrnte ouhhgt it n’two nvee my frunde pnsdeootp get eerv we srocs saw dna broedr. .
Ti hatts’ i n,yayaw sgeus. .
.
Symfel oe,vl.

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