A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

I eraw ot prmo rdess os fdisner sitll with my teltil onw ogt my. Anetk gtehyneriv and tcsreuip otg. Etrwne’ to uro og ascp ot utraigdaon ew i rdesinf grad my necis ebla utripces tog in sloa enakt nda teehir oswng dan. Eno adikn hda hhicw is rvselpeeo raye siroicdulu ni oerv nsielg a aehv i. I i sda omsbeprl hiapesrtt ot a my dunfo aveh am and hwo atkl ot atobu lla. Bgirn to bkca seh esfmly em gbein acn hgniop i’m. Dworl si onw eht caysr ghirt qietu. Fo ivreynghet easkt mlaost trats hweer popele tgvmoeenrn sti’ veor the hoets dna teh ielk neo a lirlnebeo soievm. Htta tath lwli jion enidltfyei i kwon elbniroel i si lla. Mrpteayirlo i dail oolcnkdw rlyrneuct ta m’i btu ercmania ffo egael orkw now asebuec fo rthdi a. Im’ oeecgll in to onigg tmepeesrb. Be ilneon ilkyle eorm hnta ignaa lryofunaeuntt lwli. Earlyr taht em h(tey vemo n)lneio ’mi wyaa ym lbae foeerb tenh illw seummr lcaualyt fredsin nad rteew’n blarpboy ayer eb rapnigy it to dogo acusbee sftri tlka aynmreo swa ot htsi. Taht if ot si m’i hscolo ,uothhg meka onti redceiens ma i bael fnidres ecdetix eovm ot new at. .
Ssik ma eamn nad i nto i tub frtis iddeen llo had 91 avhe ym. . . . Ts’i ulaft csvo’di. Ubt i dan agnlkit ot up os his sht’at etendrtise chhiw hwhci did deppots eth ,it gte a byo ubys lsywlo oemr swa oautb u,syg he atlgikn am i ogod em yug otg ofr eh ifel a indka i he eh tub htgoigns eht usgse renev and eesucba oerm e,m i tespu i ogdo agepooliz nktih esdtrat nadki dogo ot ni tayalucl ujst edden. .
Nfdresi of rof eth srsneao nreytlec i tosm ym uisdtp fwe otsl fo a. Ta eseslethmv yver my na thye adn rfo woh about acth het nad dna cofntonedr asw that i igogrnni rhseot yoln aueecbs ttha ubt os meht rac wgnro wsa eedicdd it ldaut atdul oonnrntigfc gopur teh 18 i adn owgrn thye htye theri eyt aws iemt in i rwee apslec yteh na ccyiathoilrp ignbr em jtuneagemld swa eatrspn ot rneewt’ iewhl auebces i ni i to hmet tno im’ nad adsi ehtm nktgali deoawll it nad wree hwteaevr asw dna bauot. Tehm ecwrs. Ythere’ ixcot ywanya. Ubt otl nad tno i inantyhg i them tauob asy moer dshuol a be cludo cvili od. Em olcekdb rewe trammuei ah)tt and os eovl i hothug (yteh.
Si nda sllit ylealr nantirceu os skucs feli ti. Od nigtayhn we c’ant. My nllcecdae prit adrg si stlli. Us vene a hyte my fsirt it teg to was dna the antc’ ceortnc rvee edorbr iplcalyhsy vieg ntwo’ dunerf we noodsptep sorcs hhtogu ot. .
Ti yny,awa at’hst i essug. .
.
Ol,ev yfmles.

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