A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

To mopr ym eraw wno illtet os esfdnir my thiw otg i ssedr tllis. Gto nda tupsecri taken yinvretgeh. Ner’twe to enisc my ew i gnwos nad erhtei edrnfsi cpas uganidaotr and tgo uctsipre oru salo rgad leab ni to atekn og. Yaer ichhw eovr oen a criuidlosu ni iknad pesreovle i is dah lsgien aveh. All i nad ads klat ot thsipraet bouat dounf vaeh my to ma a hwo merbspol i. ’mi bneig em ot nac seh nbigr lmsyfe nhopgi abkc. Tqiue cryas hrtgi eht wno si dolrw. Fo het sekta otlmsa egmvronnet adn a hte rsatt tsi’ lrnilbeeo hteso rwhee eleopp htereygniv ekil vreo somive one. Lwli nlbieorel owkn taht iityfdenel i ojni all is htat i. Seebauc ubt off krow fo lida a leage yoeratliprm at eimraanc erltruycn drthi im’ won lcdkwnoo i. Ot in nggoi tsermpebe eclgoel m’i. Oemr nnleoi ekiyll eb lliw nteflurtuonay aanig atnh. Bela )nenoil wsa auatclyl talk apnryig eovm waya em itsh eb boryalpb ti ttah and yaer tneh e(yth to yrreal erymaon will nre’tew eacubes sfitr iesrdnf to good ym im’ ebofer ermsum. Ahtt shloco si ut,hhog etecxdi mi’ nito i to am ta elba ot dreicnese meov refdsni wen aemk fi. .
My am i sski iededn oll 19 stfir utb and naem i dah tno aevh. . . . V’disoc sit’ taufl. Eh wllsyo so eht ujts did flie eh i ni nda pseut erven swa ltkgnia nedde orme am rfo i nliatgk ,ti hwhci odgo oogd ihsggton me a gte i sepptdo ihs utb i eh akdin oby ucyallta etadrst seaceub adn a het to ot eh dnika ugys, ,me tboua tenietrdse tub erom oodg i yusb asth’t tgo pu gusse gyu which inhkt aolipgezo. .
Het of of sidrenf ym tdupsi mots fro i tslo osenasr efw rtelecny a. I temi was oaubt ocycrihtalpi mthe orf but nrowg dasi dlawleo dan uopgr iwleh teh npretsa emht girbn they 81 ehtm nowrg ni i tyhe ahct so ety ehyt ireht an my dltua swa tmehvsesel acr nad specla to uebscae was dna i eht ot ti aws na edcdied gcnnntfooir cfonntrdoe in ahtt ton erwe touab nda udtla ta tavherwe dna that olny reew’tn aebeusc ltmeaedunjg dna i me veyr origngni and hroset tehy aws were mi’ ti tklanig owh i. Them rswec. Otcxi e’tyerh nawyya. Dan mero botua udoslh i tbu i nto angntyih htem cloud a be vilic yas do tol. Em leov (they nad murameit i hat)t bkleocd rewe uohght os.
Tills kscus tcernnaiu eifl os ti is yalrle adn. Gnthniay ncta’ we do. Si dlcceelan trpi ym ltlsi rdag. Ym eth to eerv ’wton ndefur ethy we ot us saw ghouht and gte rdoerb ivge osrcs enev ti octcren a rtfsi yiyspcalhl otsdpeopn tanc’. .
Tt’sha usseg i ,waynya it. .
.
Slyemf v,eol.

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