A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

I onw ym ot ttelli lilst pmro thwi edsfirn got sdres os wear my. Aetnk gnheeivtyr dna gto ertuscpi. Ni aketn and ot apsc dsrifen ym og hiteer aaiuogrdnt dna wosgn rsciupet senci i uro rdga e’nertw loas to ogt lbae ew. Ilouscrdui a one voer ahd eahv is idkan lsneig i ihwch yaer ovlspreee in. To owh ot adn i am seopbrml onufd hvea uatbo a all i tprtheais atkl ads my. Bcka me ylsmef to hes iebng gbrni cna gpnoih i’m. Own qiute dwrlo trgih ycars het si. Het eovr hte yenirgevht tesho rlloeiben elppoe vnternmgeo fo noe ilke its’ kaest nad satlom emvosi atrst a rweeh. I taht si nkow noji ilwl htta liitdneefy loblierne lal i. Oteyrrlpami i dlia off lrntrucey rhitd ta usebeca owdckonl im’ ariemnac krwo a eglea own fo but. Gllceeo sreembpet ni mi’ gogin ot. Ftonenrulatyu nigaa oemr will nhta be liylke elnoin. Illw emvo it oeni)nl nda ttah to tnhe aelb yrae palbroyb tlak sedrfin ym oerefb htis me ecbsaeu rlraey gaiynpr eb im’ rstfi ermmus wyaa to ’reewnt oodg ltcluaay mnoeray swa (eyth. Ot shloco sdeneeirc labe fi is oitn hohugt, nwe thta ta ot emak m’i fensird ma txeeidc vome i. .
But i irtsf dednei evah hda anem ton sisk ma 91 oll ym and i. . . . I’st v’csdoi ulatf. Iefl to gseus in iknad oby a htnki swa uaeecsb tetsrad teg ti, i hsiggotn i em eh odgo ,yugs inkaltg ot up i the omre tobau eh and got tinlgka eooglapzi utspe ihwhc odpepts but nerve rof ugy he the teinetdser ddi so thats’ i godo deden a ogod i hwihc adn tbu me, kdnai usyb shi he clyltaau ma loslyw mero ujst. .
Mtos tols rfo ym a lcetnrey wfe the fo i ipdstu ssrnoea rneidsf fo. Tmei pogur for trehi nda yteh ugejdeatlmn ni hte owh tluad ehmt ubsaeec hety tach tyeh i in ti het htem nad ideecdd uoabt dwleola nlyo tehy aws newtre’ oetnfrndco ratsnep me i thta nda meseehltvs temh it nirgb tno ahctyropciil to adn cbasuee ehwetvra at weer mi’ my that owngr i espcla an yte and terosh sida so i aws oautb na to rwnog adn cra tub nrnigogi saw 18 evyr rwee gnlikta aws was nnroicfngot ehiwl i utdla dna. Scwre mhte. Oticx anawyy hry’ete. Lot liicv a rmeo be dna ubt od nto ubato agtyhnin meth i sholdu i ulcod say. Ovel os cbdokel nda autimerm ha)tt me i reew ohhugt ye(th.
Nrtaieunc scsuk and file lltis it so si lrelay. We cn’at ythnnagi od. Itpr dgra my llsit dcnlceeal is. Sfrti ym fenrdu ospndtpeo ew tohghu recoctn rdbeor to eevn ti ntwo’ eth ycayllpshi cat’n su a reve dna was ot iveg ehyt scsor tge. .
I h’tsat wany,ay ti guess. .
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Fselmy ovel,.