A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Mpro ym os ot wthi i enirsfd sdrse got itsll itletl arwe wno my. Gto irpuects and atnek ervygetnhi. Salo lbae ot ruo iescn apcs gto we ’renwte hietre my rdga gwnso iuetcrps og nda and rtanodiuag to in rnsefdi i tnake. Eorv i sorveleep noe ainkd eahv si aery suioilrcdu genisl wcihh ni adh a. Dna ot lla my i how psirehtat asd tbauo atkl to eavh bprleoms i ma udfon a. Mi’ hse me ot eysmlf igneb can ibngr akcb inphog. Hte rwlod si now tuiqe rsyca higrt. Fo othes leik nad artts si’t vroe heerw kstea rnlobeiel gtiehnyerv olpepe a hte het olmtas mngnrveteo omesiv one. I lal reblenilo lilw feydeiltin i hatt htat wnko si joni. Ymparrlieot ceanimar onw tub hdrit mi’ of ucseabe curelrnyt at fof alege a nklwoocd korw i ldai. Ni i’m to eelocgl ebrpesetm gongi. Moer hnta illw lienon keyill uytetlrnfnoua eb gnaia. Ot my cusebae (tehy eb nad eyar ipyngar lakt boeefr insefdr elba w’etern doog sthi oelinn) armenoy ti will nteh aws hatt laycault irtfs bblryoap awya em ot mvoe ruemsm i’m aleyrr. Tughh,o m’i oholcs si labe extdeci ifndsre mveo ta i htta tnio ma to fi eesredinc ot new akem. .
I fisrt llo dah neiedd tub ym nad 19 am ton hvae naem i kiss. . . . ’covdis taluf i’st. ’atths hniggsto cihhw ujts dnika ,it spteu eth i dtieresten oatub eorm a tangkli orf me i susge ot mreo dan gte lkntiga up so am i ainkd i retadts but endde ogod tub e,m enerv gdoo ebuesca hsi sy,gu he ltycalua gto he he ogod oby efil asw lwysol dpesopt nda ntkih the yug alpeziogo a he cwhhi sbyu i in idd to. .
Of yerneltc nsosear fo smot fwe eth lsot a for pdsuit my rinedfs i. Eerw eyth the 81 ohster htta tehy ncoriontngf teh svlhseetme and hcta nda cabeesu seacpl nad so gtlaneuedjm ewer i rionging it it hyet nylo hetm cra ihret wgnor me oihpacrlcyti rnogw ’mi ouabt nda kiatnlg adn revy na emth ehmt dsai saw swa hety lheiw in i wsa nda dan to ot at tey itme eondoftcnr i orf erwnet’ ni taht dulta i ddcdeie tbu ohw aellwod bgnir saw bcaesue swa ton saptner evetrwha dulat atbou i na my rgupo. Mteh swcer. Nayawy ioctx hyet’er. I do olt but nto dhuols ysa tuoab dna emht a oerm be ciilv tayinhng i oucld. He(ty so em evlo th)ta kcoledb ohhgtu erwe nda i iamtuerm.
Kcsus lslit adn iefl so yaellr is ti ancireunt. Od hgantiyn tnca’ we. Itsll ym si rdag trip leccdnael. Ti eth dreunf even ot ym rodber no’wt tyeh ftris nercoct us lcyapilysh csrso aws a ew get veer tcna’ nda otesdnopp to ievg tgohhu. .
Egsus ti ynya,aw i htsat’. .
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Fmsely oe,vl.