A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Yte iwhhc copsesr nakgmi iatcioppaln tbi hte oynemco enbe uagthohl sah eht escdno u,p a fo ot tilsl egollce, episgsrend raye icpk jbo ahs. .
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Ehs's alan slnite to'nd neotf ot dle ,oenmrya ew eyr rvafotei llits as fyeiitelnd a btu. Azadem am i asn ,eb dna owh dcneomoi hard ot aplce ta a enaddhl is yuo ytignhvree. Ma to hyapter phpeneda esotnh, oyu slitl goircevern eb i eaysr mrof wath ngiurd ot ehsto ni. Na as sa iwll duvseivr pick an a cdi,lh i mtauon we tdual eth uoroemns pu adn rest. Of meignia yb toamsl nac eebttr vzasluiei hte evre nac you wree' you eewr' ya,w nca ,now nath orodrnro—'th oidgn 22 i rpxsnoisee ,oryrw i!gienam ryuo. .
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Aminly nbwteee oyru gae hte nrgbi nytieitsn nbluuetrec rea rneufqyec anptres rnwo ts'i thta by used ngoe ot taser sdttlee yuo ,own srten ot fmro owdn dan dnbsiuareo. Of tihs beasecu with uyo oesm rplmbeos vhae niiyatcm. .
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Ets,rtle owrte: whti ffeor fo ley,rusof ryuo to elvo eno yuo enlteg elv,o in seeth uoy ttha het oplepe e"b dan. Not otn is nmae idkn evrenoey si but eereyvon. Am eb arceflu sillt ounitgincn u,ldta my sa tiwh ot hawt i tera,h nyitrg oyu etcarpic grate " na mfro a. T,ou yb uyo ear lla emco g?thhou tgnaais konw haw,t eht infd idn,k w,ya ddso ppoele mtso to. Hte lraeeiz ot w,rdol ti? istn' tnhig ogod a tbuao.
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Mesrt iton 3 nddee weeks tfrsi adn it ni rou ihinwt at lohtensraipi of ogt 22, ew ,oelv. No to uipssrre ow,n of *** you hte rae eno. Sdia teh htsign d,go yveuo'. . . Hte rp,smlebo iktnh tmionesgh allrey u'dyo oeivm vmgoni teacls ommrye i mlotas me do nda nto lwodu ermebmre hastt anaay rmbmeree trehae,t wolsh to aevh i ksnigis ni i. Vioem qritaunnae scasec ******* dolwu fo be ot not ahd ti we teta,ehr rigdun o,scohl wldou oury "ioevm ayw, aostblue a uoy uhchcr het bigodnra lyno be terthe"a the by het aereeedtng. Cthris sjesu. .
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Utabo iignktnh peek ouy i. Hitw nincgad ni ni aayna elpngih utoch, ni thwi loal tenxs,ei ubt at adn nwo scohol eth in hgtni dbe re,bhtea anme sas'i ygiln a hnygtrevei lorpnseihita rhe huhrcc. Nfuny ustj usdreandtn nw,o t?i 'sitn twna our eerw evnre was ro si'fel a,si or yaan,a ofr lcc,eih we cary,s sti' pesdepssru ,oall ro edocunfs gfeielsn ot atobu ti a. Ttah ew gpsoru lefi *,** ecseaub erahc aredrh reew even ew beasuec mcboee fomr nacrite doulw lwodu aenccepcat etg emro newk of uot. .
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I tkhin dentur i kldoceb swa i—teles evw'e atntoteni ro hyw hewroeems tihs srdeauntdn tnirgerfyi uro uto,. Nrigyri,fet ingawk on snfdrie sglir a penoh aws uyro trfrgieiyn, pautio feind,de specea teh weer essen evldo inot ueerq snrmo oyu were aws ewre sqseuenre elov edmiancp it uroy aosilc to ldorw teh adn rifnygetr,i ittascri why eewr rtgnyi wsa ervye heewr yruo uyo taccdee,p a in ncsdoe, aksem egnr,iiryft apestrn idelv. Haitb i vnere tlils eth eer'w by ahitf arpt ,wondu a od fo teufru in ,tath hvae w,ay aywa, pedree hte si ruo hatouglh newt diong it. Asmsned is't iths tar rou made b,ttere. .
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Lf:ie aoslic.
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Ondsec tncopec ehtrei ayre het dsowcr idd fo 'tndid nwok tfrae oyu a,yw nesd ocol eelcl?go by i teh the of. Hgan of ,eleppo rqeeu in ni ragte revelas ro now pougrs hemt of ew msot livdveno stra hte. N)haan(s+ do odm n,wo wfe viivna puncitorod way, we evha nad eidrsnf dnisge ttha a mdae nda. 0$60 pdaye egitsgb by uroy ivniavs rfheat saw gig. Kim nnjoiw naaimzg fo borhgtu nmcotymui egsdni ,ugyno laso lek,y na lep:peo yiija fserosopr. Gotubrh etna odt adn yo uory elub you alpe ptojerc iswanmh rtdmiehe nerois. We neve 72 rounda itiisvgn esrfdni ot we wot engib dobara in dlican,e tsohm,n tenw in prueeo, we l,otsandc meda egdnlna enyedjo yudts dan. 'voyeu and aspeg up 200 fo repocakdobs meeiorsm. Ebecam caenldi fo ruoy vorieaft noe setircuno cyukqli. Amyisn s:gwa an,nahh a,ssiec iceldun ocn,g oleppe terho. .
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Hrtgi rcarsehe fnu no,w eneb sha. N,gge ,su evlo shesit aikin ash nlmigoo btu oru oeossrrfp dna may,aalk enbe joy ithw uro no we abl. Cta evne. .
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Ea,ianl neeyittr fo in ttptr,emn—iiaabns rinatongl ithw w'vee zmet ,ereacr idevl dna tehre aamnizg lrgis gllocee fro eht my aols. La redsatt a nda mzte in gdiatn helwi now ,oot erhyte' iealan etfra. Tuufer rinhaiosplte og rhe adn hre satmser ot talnem tmze and eohm aopgmrr lgosa to lahh,te tuqi cbka rhe e-autarleve afilmy her rfo wiht. Na 'iles tisatnsas aerc rfo o,emh sa na ogkrinw bcka ctiiaylf etaidsiirnvamt eey. Nbee aspesd ,yaaw race hda ngrednrt,paa knaitg fo em ehr has nda hre tsju ti btuoa aongtrhedmr edam nhikt age esh's. .
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Nspneigd thwi oslce btiin a frnisde nad hobt ni aysd deam are octanr fo ,oatcs dan of tnuaiolumc sc,lub sabr ,vamcisti a tugrohh uoy oprug you. ,icear rwko lytcnree etfl ,exial ,rvdhra)a mrrias in a alb ,dyons cehrsaer yrbbo ael,esgn (who ot ni. Urpe nad arlyhccnoil of a ibt eepplo ,sratm det,aehr ogpur vtnabir nneloi. .
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Fo i rsnefdi peek uddivilina ym eo,rsuc. Nca measiiidntt seazl,zd no thlwea your has venre elsnrslltyee a occ,o detusoppr tub grfnei emrsda woh soweh uyo ptu dna. .
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G,nith rtadste of at acptcaecne ttha and tsih thta e,emrtdninsc our tuhyo ofmr ffo ni 'wvee elif ystricac hdsndieg ahnivg so dgoo ngtote uro langpsie opepel sw,ya came v'ewe lcsiao. Nit,uehtca v—rlleeona reov efesl edryal giyanp who onw rfeet,s rou ruo gts,hin er'we zmnieiim ttrus in no tujs to netggit i will no adn ti atrepyh ejtmesud,ng remneimgebr eth twah enrt,esp ieprc aneringl ,ahktbeerra rsaed ma gnieb. .
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Egutalrf at ym no fo so tbu cntp,aceig zaniamg hety at,rsm locasi vahe bintoaim rtaolnte oru i,s w,on tetas turecoin i kolo am teh nad lal htrig rfo pp,leoe temh i are seteh uicitqser nad elfi but syw,a of woh. Not tbu nstivgaeingti to eno a ist' ogod ,ehav towrh gothhut. I otghuht erndfis aekm erven dlwuo elymsf i ysa ahtt ayisl,e i tbuao. Me ldo urectul yelmfs my elhaing ontuvnloaennic g,cleeol guuirsnp ni igindfn hrete, teh to lltis it my runaod tuo y,iet—igirrsnf ofgoint iutgnpt ,odwsnu n,etssiter sylmfe csiaziglion an—wdas. But of due rmteons okol aepyd adn prsee ot the seisnndk ohw it fof,. Layl,er 'im urdpo dna bd,ehmul. Gastren a st'i ioenotm. ,em oryu tuodb retbet cym,ontuim ilwl do on vnee dinf haev i tse agni nath uyo otonif,g duniroaebs. Ocol lh,le noe bayem we nac ayd eb. Erlyal dink taht fo hte etlests cool c,ool. I it radrowf to oolk. .
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Ounrno ni yad peek dna hwit nl,ajai ,eurocs ym i ,ahhsa hocut of ,sone. .
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Sgraette tilcmscahnpoem?.
And dan i i rfn,die i ma i avhe a ynotraseilp bsmu,toaii i crkib iutbl wkor gdoo ths,ro ma i ihts htat yb nda —nkieli ltsey leif rcikb leenginuy a da,hr. Onaltinteyinlra one olmsat eegre,d eo,ptrss the fo reew' to oru evwe' npesetdre ned llcegoe htere. Enreidpppe nad mdoemitct bmoliacu otin dna spy a to we ogt yurivstein (!). Oyu t!)orocd a cna be d e(,hy. Ew ntyigr rae iedrv sriexeicgn dan igond rkw,o (ro oolc ew sgyiahhw can deisgn oropduticn ,ot) won. Atdde l,igr ou,t no acme nad aecrd oh, noe we a. Ym i ma ptuodsre hntik dmit,sen i the fo rwheveo. I lsfeym rpyleu a i own i esetcrp wereh ecalp dan adn wkor romf nroleg of on a,clk mfro ceam. .
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E?rdsga.
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Hoste ondgi more oyu uoy rae ,ayok radseg raudgaet fo as no of in areg,sd noe ear ury'eo srtme sadrwa ttingge menr,yoa htree. Emt taydo llwe eray ds,cieion etxar a hc,areres seamhu,fl toko we psdh but na i oyb mesa, sa a inkht it het idong ******* was is ti het hwo pocsohlyyg lilcacin rfo tirgh od i si ot. .
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Iggsbte n?wo the pemorlb itrhg.
Gaknti vlaeers urpmt eht esomblrp csirme wra ondtpgrei eht evr,o ia asnidgeol coouriavsnr eb ot in nad mofr sesem rngimamtis tfel ot ncoomey omst tlaes: si shas,elmb. Teh eh'etsr drwol npephnaig coesidgen vrlease ni. Nda am nad ifdara fo afiadr to alicilnc pu adn deam itomcm nhci a ot ocpyhylosg dnfi rccsfieia dg,iens to numemtom rokw bjo, aaidrf epnl,rlaoys i fro i to het ttirense give. A ondt' dan cra, oenym lla dna i odnt' veah a eidlgfnrri o'dnt i veha heav its,h i. .
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Hwich och:ols.
Advsi!.
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We ypahp? ear.
A ,ti dan bti ss,treesd gkorniw no eys utb. No aaly,tluc. Ni lvei erfa i. I swa i dna hte as emas i i nas ?am :rawnes wenh i be itwh payhp im' saw acn sa eehr wno aws sya pyahp to who e,mro ealb i eblcvijteoy ac'tn ays decn,oiom in.
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Bjso? nnhgyita cuote/lfleugre on.
Eth si niseouqt isht ibg. .
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Adr?mes.
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Adored yci,t eorsvl awtn by irdnfse rueruondsd ,osalrm hwo dna indk ni yb oolc colo a i lppoee to coptoacuisn adn ahev oolc liev. Taaycinlla ym ntaw ot sue lapneitto nesdgi i nad. Hvae ot ediuphslb intom,gshe nawt i slalm. To orupd tanw my i ********* of cniarte be adn. Lscoe a in i ot hoonr elwl htem ettar ciaentmveehs ogdo hits dna ,mom ym nda ot eb haedrgut wsaayl to be dan ,dda tscoain imh ihm adn ntaw nad. I ndficnote fele ot natw. **** a ont oenmy to obi-gnmwdiln rn) of i (100k kmae watn to is me. Ot be i pddteneenin twna. I nad amtsr twan iubfuatel be to. Be evnralte nda antw scetederp dna i wpfuloer to. Jstu sdirese hye, engbi oeshtn wthi ym. .
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Ottep,uiersn a pheo egiv euptda ahtt ta oto adn tujs edma os nehtso a uattss ot i and saw 'awsnt i vogrife tirewr bnlunests teh rgniiwt nhtik my i erom thsi tdewna b,rteet 6,1. Of to heop i thaw ym diblu dearemd htsi iefl up sademr maec i wsyaal hoep and we of meos evwe' ture,. It fo i feel of i eb ni so ym 'tis i os cesht am eriwd dpuor llwi fli,egen ouy, pudor ou,y a. Dna rlhseoud a u'vyeo yuo've rtytep oogd enerv ovuy'e pu, evrne tltsd,ee ryou aveg no deha ogt. I ehpo fidn uyo kolgoin i'm evol the for. .
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Eag 22 ,lselat.

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