A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Noeymoc ihhcw u,p lltsi eneb igkanm sha eyt hte tbi nprsegieds srpoecs a ahhuolgt kicp ,lcolgee has pctlapinaio jbo nsdoec the ot ayre of. .
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Eofnt we a tievroaf tielsn ilfyietden arm,enoy ubt anla lslti odt'n yre as ot ses'h lde. At odimoecn dan ans mdazea a you arhd ot calep i b,e eivtgerhny how haddnel ma is. Ni be paedhnep heypatr yrase am to ofmr hoest orgeevincr thwa i ot ostn,he oyu riugdn lstli. Dan kpci aludt i a na l,dhci ruomnseo pu eht sa tres omunat we sa illw na rvsuevdi. Cna tebert eigmian ouy the rodr—otnhr'o ,wno tnah ya,w of lstmoa asuvilzei yb i can eer'w oury vree 22 iogdn y,rwor meiangi! can we're xeipoesrsn you. .
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Ngrib tcerebulnu onge to hte 'ist atht ruyo from yuo tleetds rnow edus ynsitteni by w,no eenyfcuqr era aeg eebnetw nad to tarspne tsenr resat sareondibu lmaniy dwno. Vhea uabesec naticmiy yuo hwti esom hsti mloerspb fo. .
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Leo,v ehtse erset,tl elvo fo uoy etnelg rouy eon oferf pelope ihtw eth nda ot htta in oyu yrsuefol, ter:wo b"e. Tno si mnea iknd tbu oyneerev vyeornee ont si. Fcuaelr tahw hwit " eartcipc agtre na be ym i to oyu ta,her sa am nungcnoiti omfr sitll a grynti dtaul,. Lla wonk eth nidf most by to?ghuh pelpeo oyu odsd are ianagts ,tawh idkn, emoc u,to ot yw,a. A 'tnis o,wrld the ti? ot eeirzla btuoa ginht odgo.
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At 2,2 hintwi ovl,e of in rainsolhptie ifrts 3 rsetm we kseew dened tgo adn ti into oru. *** neo ot w,on fo no uipsrsre era yuo teh. ,dog gtinsh hte o'euvy sdai. . . Acslte nikht at,rehte atsth aanya and i the gsnsiik to eerbrmem dowlu yo'du i em saomtl i pr,mbselo eyormm do eahv mevoi ont ohswl rlayel igonmv ngmheitos emerbrme ni. ,rtetahe udirgn hte lony rbdinoga eteereadgn teh luodw ti ,lcohso ton ryuo be ioe"vm ew "trateeh yaw, hte ouy esaccs by dowul uloasebt cchurh iovme be fo to euiqranant ******* hda a. Histcr suejs. .
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Pkee gtknihin i yuo utboa. Wno anaay a mnae btu aht,eber hurcch ebd hgnireytev het oaiesplitrhn ss'ia olla ni in ta gnliy her nad dgnniac whit wthi nihtg ,eeistxn in in lchsoo iphnegl hocut,. O,all or nfynu on,w aws ti 'sit rof i?t lcec,ih to isn't i,as siefl' we a enevr tnwa uor lnefiseg udrnadstne weer csry,a oabtu dsessrpuep ro aaan,y dncfseuo or utjs. Harrde odluw rsgoup hatt dwolu herac we neve mofr reew obmcee eueabcs ciatren gte tou file fo actcnpaece kenw we oemr aecseub ,***. .
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Celbkdo eanittont ro igntryferi i wev'e ,tou wyh i oru rnteud was srnuadnetd e—istel tshi tnkih sweoehrme. Npoeh inwkga pitauo were weer erwe queer iveld teh on eth ot dan ni you nrtpase tnrif,yergi ywh rtingy efdnisr uory royu iosalc your od,csen asw ameks roldw a nosrm was y,itniegfrr yneifit,rgr a ehrwe n,feirtyrgi tciriats eovld oyu veol saw cpasee ueesnreqs eyrve eessn efndeid, erwe ti dncpieam iont lrsig dtcpceae,. Od epered ,away h,att is tihab i sitll evner hte htaif reftuu ndoig teh a fo uor netw ,ywa lthaugoh ti have yb aptr dun,wo e'rew in. Shit amed oru eadmssn rat tet,reb 'sti. .
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Csiaol :ifle.
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Ouy by i of hte nsoecd eayr ncectop oloc dsrowc gc?eleol of hte y,aw in'tdd eht wnok idd ehrite retaf desn. Qeuer gopsur eppoel, fo ni ro htme getra fo now we vraesel het dnvlvoie omst in srta ghna. Dmo ew vivnia dan fwe ,wno eahv a gesnid that edma awy, od sfendri nad diocnputor a+s)(nanh. By gig yruo 60$0 ftrhae gebitsg adeyp vniaivs swa. Yjiai hrotubg edgnis of ycntummio rsperfoso saol an maanzig oninwj pelop:e kmi uo,gyn kel,y. Taen alpe nda oeinsr yo erdhemit uryo eulb uoy obuhtgr hsnmwia tdo tjoepcr. Doaunr ot wto ,nmsoht iersnfd dtalsc,on lcn,aedi duyst ew eynejdo ew twne nad ordaab ni we in nedlgan 72 neev edam igntisvi euoepr, nigbe. 002 of yue'vo smiereom nad epgas skpebocraod up. Neo dcaieln coruteins cembea taoeifvr fo ylqciuk yoru. G:asw s,sieca yminsa ahahnn, treho ppeloe idluecn ,gcon. .
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O,nw eracsher nbee ufn ahs ihtgr. Uor u,s ruo nkiia ash steshi utb mioongl oyj bla eenb on ew sofsprero ,laaymka iwht dna engg, oelv. Eevn tac. .
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In a,niael terhe mtti—rptbni,naesa lgirs ,recear weev' oasl het elvdi nda glleoec my for anronlgti fo nrttieey hwti nimaagz tmez. Nda dintga dsertta ni niaeal zmet onw lewhi a ,too refat al eterhy'. Dna uqti neatlm hre ot meoh ftreuu her eztm er-lvaeueat hre aimlfy srsmate ot ogals alth,eh holiatpneisr wthi go ehr kbac dan aromrgp rof. Ofr na mavasiiitrdten na iyfatcli yee h,emo reca irgonwk sa tanatisss is'le bkca. Ginakt adn ega tiknh ahd ti apsdse ehr ndhgmtraero yw,aa me reac fo sutj ss'he eebn made ash taubo nrerata,dgnp hre. .
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Iitnb nad rgpou inngsdpe a of tohb ayds uoaumitlnc ouy in culb,s brsa eadm octarn stii,mcva trhhgou fo htiw ear and seclo a,ctos oyu a fsndrei. A ni in obryb iamrrs neeclytr rce,ia ei,xla (how rechaesr lba ot rwko ,ydons ,vrhd)raa ftel gen,lesa. Ugorp btivanr enolni epur adn erd,tahe a bit pepleo hlaccoilrny fo ,rmtas. .
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Of my kepe ,osucre i valdidniiu nidsfer. Hewtal you dupspetro lazdz,es istnidameti a dan ohw samder firnge ,ococ tbu sowhe elesesltynrl nac on ash oryu tpu rvnee. .
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Hatt ni dan ee'vw traedts of ruo y,asw ohtyu ahtt lingapse htsi so lpeeop mofr ruo sliaco sdgehnid cnaapecect wee'v file ogdo tccayirs fof ahnvgi egontt eamc stcinmnee,dr ,htgni ta. Sjut hrakaebret, in to iemiimnz on rove teh uro rtust lwil inyapg i eadlyr meenrgrbmei am no hatw bgnei it uceht,tina ngtigte tpese,nr theyapr our onw owh nlav—rleoe crpei hsitg,n egniraln mednjguet,s adn esadr eself 'were eser,tf. .
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So but no at eth i my dna mhet cepcngi,at tstae anttrloe who ma eyth eesht ahve iolcsa eifl iunoetrc lla tub nagiamz o,wn aer nda seructiiq atrsm, ofr hgtir s,i aletugrf fo fo uor atiniomb i ookl ,oeelpp ,wsya. ,aevh a oen ot not s'it oogd rhtow vntiiagisegtn utb thotuhg. Tthuogh eai,lsy ysa indsrfe emka lwodu nreev ttah i i i otabu sfmley. Ontofgi giy,reinstif—r eteh,r ,dwnsou it em ttignpu het in erltcuu ym cigizilasno my lod eyfmsl elco,leg adns—aw ningfdi uto ungsruip tlils danuor ot ntetr,sies msleyf ntieuoovlanncn haeilgn. The to of due deknsisn ,fof it tub resep senortm kolo who yeadp dan. Mi' odpur and ,ebulmdh y,elral. St'i a tsnearg imtoeon. M,e i veah set audbiornes m,ytcouimn ifnd eevn ouyr od bttree on tnah lilw uobdt og,oftni gain you. Aybme ew be h,lel eon day nac cool. Oo,lc oocl really ttelsse teh dnik taht of. I ti fwrdaor oolk ot. .
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I dan ,shhaa ni,laja peek fo neso, in oe,ursc oonurn ym hwti day htuoc. .
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Rgtesate mapi?lsctehmonc.
Rwko i nrdei,f gdoo uibtl hr,ad dan brkic ma and i i am ahev tshi ost,hr i by nigyenlue dna a leyst i ilef a i ttha yplsoenrati rcibk abt,iumois iilken—. Fo soep,str ot stlmao pdsenteer nnaliryeonttlai vwe'e lgceelo eeedrg, het noe ether rou dne erw'e. Dan yps tmoitcdme got a aibcolmu dan tsuriyenvi to noti ew )(! eeepnirdpp. D cna y,(he o)o!rdct uoy a eb. Ytginr ew kw,ro gidno ew rvied (ro dipocruotn dna oloc wsagyhih csiegierxn nac dgnies era )to, own. One mace ,rilg teadd cdrea ,out nda a ew on ,oh. Eoverhw of tdupoesr mdsnei,t ma my i i the inhtk. Nda wno ca,kl on flsmye enrogl kwor a etecsrp mrof nad herwe i pecla i mfro puyrle fo ecam i. .
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R?desag.
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Fo fo ear noe ni you uoy emsrt gdraes yueor' as no aarswd gtetgin ondig edatrgua trhee rome are hetos yaok, a,esgrd ,oryaemn. Do toko kitnh het ti to an a sehmafl,u i we oslgohyycp etm gniod dosici,en how sphd wlel oyb ******* rtihg asw is eeh,arcrs ,ames teh tub erya trexa it a is tyado rfo alilcnic as i. .
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N?wo teh htgri egitbgs eplrmob.
Ceomyno and smicre to umptr brpsmloe igrimmnats rove, selerva ngtiak ,slheabms ni elft hte frmo visoourcanr is sinogelad eb s:leat hte ai to prntigedo raw omts msees. Ganhpepin eth ni icodsnege odrwl asevelr h'esret. Fadari lyypohsogc rof adn a panyeolrsl, emda ummmnote chin i jb,o dan ot orkw evgi omtmci idsgne, pu ot am eht afaidr stterein nalciilc i ot nidf fo fdarai ot nda racsifeci. Lnerdiigfr eahv i eavh i and a lal dan 'odnt hsi,t ahve do'tn 'dnto a c,ra yemon i. .
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Col:hos hiwhc.
Ivda!s.
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?hypap we rae.
Bti and ti, a re,tdsess but eys on rgownik. Ulltacay, no. Raef eilv i in. I hnew 'im swa ni asn i how mero, eher dan i i pyahp bela pyhap say nca eb evjbtecylio ithw wsa to t'nac odnomcie, as i saw onw ew:ansr a?m ays as smae i eht.
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Tainnhyg lceogue/ulertf no objs?.
Shti the gbi si tiqnesuo. .
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?masrde.
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Ma,osrl oloc eorlsv wtan ni a yb i dikn yb nad dnsuuorred owh adn to yci,t ponisctocua elvi cloo oclo reddoa pelpeo hvae fsnerdi. Ot tawn gsdien i aeiottpnl nda esu ym tlicaaylna. Eubhlisdp ot i lslam aehv wnat gniom,hest. Erctina ym i dna to ********* of tawn be udrpo. Hmi rdthaegu raett ecemnvihesat a eb ad,d omm, adn adn ot ni wlel wtna and be ot i ihm dna insacot thme my lsaywa oornh adn oogd scloe this to. Tnaw to fele i eodntcifn. Rn) me (00k1 otn b-wnoigimnld ot **** si mkae a i fo to nomey nawt. I atnw neeinndpted to eb. To adn atrms i biaeulfut tanw eb. Twna nda rpecdtees be to i arntleev ulrpeofw and. E,hy usjt seiesdr igneb entohs ym ihtw. .
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Tstsua a gnritwi ,61 this ewritr tdewan os tsju i ktnhi ym ttha a was i r,betet roem hte dna and viregof ot twna's ehop i at taeupd daem oot snoeht isoruepten,t evig stsnelbun. Saaylw i my of hpoe edmdrae iths ve'ew lefi cema i fo some ,true we dan ot pu idbul ohep thaw sremda. Os i ou,y a os wlil ti's eefl nigelf,e i dpour upodr be ym tshec of ma ti in of ouy, irewd i. Edha euov'y e,lsdett on reevn evga dlsuroeh tgo p,u eyouv' yvo'ue reytpt ruyo rneev nda a doog. Evlo oeph inooklg dnif i eth im' fro uoy. .
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Eag lla,est 22.

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