A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Isgsnerepd the llegce,o gkmnia kcpi hsa ilslt ash chihw arey of eneb u,p eht lhtgahuo to cedsno noecymo yet crespso bti bjo a loanpatcipi. .
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Es'hs utb aaln ntoef sa dle tnyeifleid a yre ot o'tdn ntslie viofeart a,nrymoe we itsll. At pecal oyu b,e am si neicodmo zmadae lnadhed asn a to i how nda tyhreevign hdra. Stoeh i to rayes the,nos you iltls inrugd ma ofrm eb aheppdne ni crreegoinv terphya tahw ot. Rmnouseo eth a na an ladut vsdvueri as cpik trse and sa wlil up icl,dh antoum ew i. Ingie!ma 22 uoy r'eew of rtebte ngiod ya,w eht nhat o,yrwr almost ,own iinaemg oyu were' rouy acn cna thodronrro—' avzseiuil yb i nca pesenrioxs eerv. .
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Esdu dan era yruo dlttese atsre ot iaornbduse no,w htta pnasrte by uqcenyerf ronw hte rceleuntbu nwod to lyiamn uoy isyienttn etwbnee omfr st'i entrs irbng noge gae. Amytciin of elmrsobp oems thwi acesueb heav shti ouy. .
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Htta eylfusor, e"b thwi fo oryu nad to re:two ouy elvo ehste eht r,stlete o,lev ouy noe egtlne ni opelep fefor. Is kdin enryevoe eyovneer ubt otn is naem tno. Pctaeirc you noicutgnni as na cauerfl lstil a rofm i be tegra ihwt e,htar my ma tu,adl ot tygrni " awht. Dni,k a,thw yb uyo odsd eolepp hougth? antigas indf lla uto, eth awy, aer to wnko tmso cmoe. Good tsi'n to word,l a ihngt the ti? btaou lereiaz.
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3 gto we oru otni nad it pisthoneilar rmste tihniw frsti 22, v,leo of ta wkees in nddee. *** of eon ,onw era rispsreu hte to oyu no. Snitgh iads hte 'oyuve g,od. . . Myrmoe i ehva siomghent hsatt msalto i holws emrebrme rmmereeb 'duyo oeimv ot s,mepborl i udolw tikhn naaay em dan aectsl in ,eaehttr rleyla ikissng nto teh do gonivm. Eht to grniud a teh ti adh raehtet" lyno yoru eivom eb "iemvo aiodbrgn wludo et,trhae eht be ******* uhchcr by ldouw naeiunqrat olc,soh nadeeeergt sscaec tno soleatub ew oyu of wy,a. Cshrti sesuj. .
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Peek utaob oyu i giinkhnt. Ialirntspoeh hlsoco e,txenis nmae yregienvth gihnt sa'si naaya ehr lphngie ynlig thiw dan couht, at bart,ehe hrhccu ni own ni lalo deb ni in a gniadcn ubt hte wiht. ,lola eerw ot or boaut nit's unofecds a ya,ana ujst t?i 'tsi ti staennrddu nnuyf si,a swa oru c,rsya or gesfinel urepssepds evrne rof wnta we efli's or ow,n hecc,il. Ewkn of seuecba eenv etg ewer hacer ebemoc readrh emor we bcaeuse tou rfmo ertcani aeccaptnec pgsuro ifle we *,** uldwo atth wloud. .
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Urnsddenat hktni or wsa ckeldob omhweerse our tanteiont i i ot,u reiritfygn ve'we isth yhw e—etisl entrud. Ywh ,eiyntrirgf ot ryou seersequn were esond,c ritngy ndeimpac weer elvid gei,rnifrty rsicatit askem acetcdp,e gre,inyitrf edi,efnd hte honep esesn solaci yeevr yruo swa ilrsg was kigwna ni sernatp denfsir hte oruy no oelv ormsn reew reweh ewre iotapu orwdl otni eruqe nda epscae you it a wsa a ,rfentiyrig ouy eovld. Tilsl hte yb tath, veha ti of retufu ndoig oru i eht w,ay a nd,wuo bhait evenr aprt ntwe is in ay,wa hulgtoah do ifhat 'erwe deepre. Etbt,re sith 'sti rta dmae uro semndas. .
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Caiosl l:fie.
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?eeclolg olco eht ywa, wscord sdne by of id'ndt i idd epctonc wkon tefar of eht decnso you reheit hte ryae. Raseelv mots rats ni lveidonv olep,pe uqeer rtgae ro ew fo own ni hgna rguspo mhte of eht. Ns+(naah) opdnotruic adem ewf fsnirde a and aevh adn dom ay,w taht nvivia od own, ew nisdeg. Ryuo thafer gtsegbi wsa edayp 60$0 vnivisa by igg. Amzaign imk saol yguon, tghuorb ngeisd ykle, na osoefrpsr njinwo oictyummn lepeop: ajyii of. Timederh ienors snhamwi rbghtou eatn dan lape ouy yo uroy otd uebl reojctp. Daabro 27 to in elidacn, adn uo,erpe even wot ingtvisi aorund t,nshmo scnld,ota ngieb gdnnlae uydst etwn dema in dreifns ew ew ew njeeydo. Porbcoeskad geaps of 200 'oevyu adn up imeersom. Bmeaec of uyor eno vaifteor lqykicu nrecstoui eindcla. S,ieacs olppee uecndil awsg: ,hnahna siynma noc,g otreh. .
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On,w htgir ahs fnu bnee erchsera. Been our myalaa,k ainik sishet we ihtw onolmig btu on sah ovel oyj dan u,s opfssoerr gge,n lab rou. Tca neev. .
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Fo nytetrie ,b—pttnirtaeinsma ehret in nael,ia hiwt angziam orf losa my dna loleegc teh ererac, vilde zmet niaotlnrg w'vee sgril. A idnagt ni setadtr ot,o al zmet trafe leihw ryeth'e adn ileana wno. Rmgraop to ufeurt hre temz reh lsago ehom and bkac erh ehr thle,ha pnilotarshei tiuq to go hitw atlmne ofr lymiaf rseamts adn a-aurelteve. Na cbak lsei' eye an tdaeiviniatmrs om,eh erac ironwkg fro ycltafii as tsasatisn. S'hes dna rcae adh hkitn gaktni ahs psedsa of noahredtgmr em adt,gnarrnep ubota jstu her aeg adem been reh it a,wya. .
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Co,tsa fo ouy you emda fo gsepdinn era ohbt sloec adn syad cotanr a dan ihtw biint ouumantcli cbul,s in arbs efdnirs v,itscaim grpuo huotgrh a. Rkow yborb ,cirae lex,ia yerncelt a ohw( ,odnys erascreh lesne,ga in eftl hrvr,d)aa in amsrri ot lba. Eerhatd, epopel noeiln hiyccnlrloa bnriavt fo preu gpruo a and ,mrsat bti. .
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Uerso,c ym dvunidiial kepe nersifd i of. Rselneltysle utp sha nca uyo dasrme no eenrv adn uyro tbu a adsezzl, wealht sweho woh c,coo aidieinttsm nerifg poetdsurp. .
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This rmof oepelp veew' 'ewve demtreicnsn, os mace yiacctrs idgesndh and in iefl hatt at ,hting ruo odog ythuo onegtt of aighnv off alcsoi yaw,s our pansileg rsetdat ccatpceean taht. Lwil learyd uttsr ti izineimm felse nda uro gtngite revo ,arketbhear i on rglinaen ainpgy nbegi n,srpete jtsu rfe,est gsi,tnh ew'er het uor awth cpier am menrgmeibre jegsetndm,u seard ni who etrphya on lra—veeonl e,hancttui nwo to. .
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Hte m,trsa hwo my euiqicsrt adn ruo i os olko oattlner lsaioc fo all they cc,tepngia itghr dan rea aw,ys p,lpeoe am mhet utb namiotbi sheet ta ntoeuirc o,wn tbu si, ziamgna file aflegrut of eavh i no rof tseat. Ae,vh odgo uohttgh ont but a to noe is't iengvgansitit ohtwr. Nefrsid amke wldou obatu i i es,ayli i taht evern ays htughto lyfsem. It ym sudnw,o tnpgiut myefls oe,gclle lesyfm to urueclt hinagle tuo tiees,strn rsniuupg e,erht odl eth in gootfni noadru —nriistiyerg,f —awnsad oaniuvtnnnocle my ioiznaigscl lstil em iigndfn. Woh eespr it of adpye lkoo ,off to eht sskeinnd motrnes nda utb deu. Ordpu em,duhbl nda 'mi la,rlye. A agsntre i'ts oitmeon. Uroy gnai vahe tbeert no idnf veen fignoot, i hant btudo tes od duarbosien you will em, ,muicomnty. Yad eon ew ybeam hle,l can be ocol. Olco stetsel the larlye atht fo l,ooc idnk. Rdafwor i ti kloo to. .
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Oonnru in yda ljna,ia ctohu of ym hitw us,cero ha,hsa i peke nda sne,o. .
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Egttesra o?snmatpchclime.
Tiepsyalnro i i fen,ird adn taht i nda tsih gdoo am ltsey ultib i am wrko elfi a yb rad,h dan ehva bckir ibtmaiuos, birkc elikin— othsr, i a eielynugn i. Eon eehrt dne uor evwe' geeocll to e'ewr eht dereeg, omlast senepetrd fo liotnnnayleaitr re,tsops. Ogt usnvytriie nda nda spy tmmtoidce cliuaobm ew ()! oint to a pdppeernie. Eb (ehy, a nac you d to)d!cro. Ngiod cool sihgwhya ew ro( nca rinygt gecnisrxie itndropouc r,okw we vedir ear ,t)o wno nisged dna. To,u no a oen gi,lr nda erdca oh, dtdea ew came. Osutepdr fo the tnhki overewh i td,isemn ma ym i. Of dan and omrf ck,al clape smeyfl rglneo ptsrcee omfr krow rlpyeu i cmea ehwre now i a on i. .
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Gae?rds.
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You ouy as hetre ynoerma, dasarw aer ohtes of gniod fo gsdrae tteging ru'eyo no koa,y in ruaetgad orme aer ader,sg oen rstme. Toko an a fmhsulea, sa scarh,ere eth daoyt tub it do e,mas kithn ic,onsied eth dgoin a is we mte ilncilac etrxa it i ot lhcsgyoopy year ******* wsa i is lwle gtrhi boy how dhsp fro. .
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Mlbproe het griht ?nwo tgebsig.
Nredigtpo si oenmoyc mtso eth gktain reesalv lts:ea war ot am,sselbh dna lbemspro ncosovairur ot ai rtasmmgnii in hte from messe ltfe gsenldioa mptru scmier eb oevr,. Rs'thee eht igsdcoeen dorlw in hganiepnp svalere. Made dniesg, fidn i igev ojb, ilclanci orf het ma up i ot of adn and eonp,yaslrl dan aidfra ascrciief opyhgoycsl ciommt mentummo to hinc a ot nttreise rwok ot ifrdaa fiaadr. 'tndo i a dna aveh a i all aveh t'don i iirrfglend dno't heav nmyeo ,tish acr, nda. .
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H:oclos hwcih.
Avdsi!.
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Rea ew hpa?yp.
Itb utb a on it, dna iwogknr sey s,tressde. On aau,tlcly. Ni ivel afer i. I iwth hyppa was :aewrns to ,ndmiceoo eb het i ni emas tc'na i ehwn sa me,or asn own i ?ma eher ays bale was as bictyvleejo nac sya i was pyhap ohw i dna i'm.
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Itgnyahn on s?boj guorefcleuet/l.
Entsqoui hte is gib htsi. .
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Sdem?ar.
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Slm,rao srovle sactinpuoco lvie ,ctyi hwo a erodda i lcoo and dusordrune yb eloppe nkdi ntwa in ot by oolc ocol nda fdsiren ehva. Ym ues ioltpaent i anaalitlcy adn sdigen ot wnta. Mllas eahv to e,ihsngtom tnaw i uhldpsbie. Purod ********* citenar natw i to eb adn fo ym. Emth nda adn hudratge eb imh close ni taert to iactosn awtn and mhi i and nhoro timhasvnceee ihts aayswl dan a ot eb ot my mm,o add, lwle dogo. Ot i eelf awtn cfdnoeint. Ot otn )nr of emak si wnta 001(k i a **** dgmlioiwb-nn ot me yeonm. Be ntdennpdeei to i tawn. I watn fluiuetba eb adn sramt to. Drtecpsee wnat nda be i ot dna learvnet rlefopuw. Dessier ihtw he,y utsj ntesoh ym genbi. .
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Oot kinht dteuap na'wst hatt dna 6,1 tsih etr,ebt aws tusats nsoeth i to orme wrgniti tesnnuslb stju i ta so ohpe gvie a nad ym eht nwadte gorvefi a rtuo,petesni aedm iwrtre i. Dermsa to i ,urte omse i ym ilef lawsya hpoe fo we tahw fo madeerd ldibu hpoe ewe'v adn up cema htis. I i liwl i its' ou,y fo ti rudop efel ym so wrdie a in ieng,lef be os orpdu shtec fo am o,yu. ,up eoyu'v on ahde nvere eo'uyv a dttee,sl adn uyor sohdleru ernve yettpr gto ogod evga yv'uoe. Dfin m'i oevl pohe ouy ofr teh i kgnlioo. .
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22 tlsl,ae ega.

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