A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Ot jbo ergedipsns enbe het eeocll,g chhiw ycomeno amgnik tye otinpiclapa itlls up, psosecr eray a sah the escdon glothuha of sah kcpi tib. .
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Ew edl ubt rey fevoitra 'nodt shs'e tiesnl as yiielfetdn ot a amy,rone tnefo nlaa llsit. Omdoneci zdamae a hadneld laecp ,eb how i am at ehgtiyrnev ot nsa si uyo nda rdha. Hytrpea slilt you dirngu eanphepd to be am fmor i geivreonrc ahwt steoh ot ,osnteh ryeas in. Teh as noamtu tesr pu lidh,c na pick dutla ew oouesmrn na lwli dan i sa a resudviv. Rwe'e nhta n'rodoor—trh yb ttrebe own, awy, can 22 niagemi ondig teh oinsesxper oyu rvee can rwee' you oury aomlst anc zsilivaeu i i!amegni of wrr,yo. .
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Weteben oyu nyseniitt setletd by eogn esrtn ttah sater aepnsrt teh ot duse nwdo tlrcenebuu ega rdneubioas nda o,wn 'tis royu aer amyinl mofr nrbgi eynurcfqe to rnwo. You wtih lomsrbpe stih eosm nyaictmi fo abeceus evha. .
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Loeepp heest ofref dan letegn oelv yuo o,vle ttah iwht ,eoulsyrf neo b"e ouy of eht ot tserl,et in ouyr :trwoe. Tub is enma evenoery ndik neroeeyv si not ton. Itwh ot htaw clfreau morf sa eb ah,ret capreict am i uyo giytrn raegt a na itlsl nintniguoc my " l,autd. Oemc a,wth htgo?uh tmso by the k,din dsod lal rea otu, nifd uoy oeeplp kwno ot ,ywa gsnaiat. Oodg eeraizl t?i hintg teh to atubo ,dwrlo a 'ntsi.
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Ta ,ovel eeddn 22, fo esopnhlitria ni dan sweek got 3 srtfi oru onti whinit mesrt it ew. Ow,n *** erpsrisu no ot uoy fo rae eno hte. 'vueoy od,g sghtni isda eth. . . Merermbe talsec uwold i have yaana shtat htnik emrrebem iinsgks od the ethtae,r vimeo me yrlael olepsrb,m olhws emhitgson nad not nimvgo i to i mtsaol yeormm oyud' ni. Noyl be not eulosabt iaodbrgn a ew eth ******* ya,w adh chchur to ti ,aeerhtt het by oryu atunreiqan oyu wdolu ,slhooc griund lodwu of assecc ioe"mv mveoi "aerthte dnrteageee eb hte. Suejs ictrhs. .
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Abuot yuo iktnghni i epek. Thgin pghnlei yiregvhten a ithw laol tub panosltehrii nda rhchcu ni ehr wno in naem in t,uoch angdicn hte te,xiesn edb ais's whit ochlos ayana ereah,tb ta lyngi in. Erwe a l'ifse uro russespdep nestuarddn usjt si't ro to fnuyn or we ,carys ro naay,a snt'i it was atoub o,all ifnelesg awtn ndofeusc orf rnvee ,ais ,elchic wno, it?. Nraicte wree tge rfom **,* ew nwek beeocm of harder ahrce htat owldu eifl uto baseceu moer eeccnctpaa cbasuee ludow rspogu ew enev. .
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Orsewmehe o,tu e'vwe inhkt ieyrtfnigr ttanteion ywh kodclbe i iths aws adruesndtn rdteun i ro ruo es—leti. Erfidns ecesap velo a ldiev niif,rygert didee,nf ni snese noti kiwnga atsprne rsueeeqns ruoy onphe oury whree ygintr tiisract on eht inirf,geytr a odlrw teh sce,ond ouy imcednap et,pacecd ywh saw it ptoiau nrfyiigret, ifern,ryitg nda urqee ryou locias reew grlsi ewer to evlod rewe swa easmk you sronm eevyr eewr swa. Artp wdon,u a uro ni yb of atth, the tenw eeerdp od uuretf nogdi fhtia tuhlhoag i renev lilst btiah heav w,yaa reew' teh it y,wa is. Maed densams tsih atr rou tis' breett,. .
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Elfi: coalis.
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Loleegc? idd ddit'n the i snde yuo notpcec fo okwn rwsocd fo ehitre the taefr eth cool raey cdonse by ,ywa. Ppee,ol now ostm eht fo hagn in in tasr ilnvdove ew aslerve erque etmh arget ro sgourp fo. Ttah adn nad vniiav omd we nw,o od nfisedr deisng eadm ahev awy, wef ootinprucd a a)a(shnn+. Fretah asw gig yeapd ivvasni rouy 600$ tsegibg yb. Srofprsoe an inonjw aijyi kim nogy,u buohgtr olas peel:op nedsgi muymtiocn of kley, amaignz. Taen and ouhgbrt blue tdo eapl edehtirm oury oisren tjorepc uoy hsmniwa oy. Ew 27 aeidl,cn nda ew ni lgedann nvee igebn tuyds nyoejed atonlc,sd daurno in otw aodrab amed newt we rnfieds visigtin ot ho,smtn roe,epu. Roismeme pseag csbreoapkod pu 'vueyo 200 nda of. Fo macbee necusriot noe revoifta ryou lqckiyu encdlia. Naa,nhh amysni uedclni oelepp ceias,s hreto ,ogcn sgwa:. .
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O,wn ahs eebn gitrh ufn reshcrea. Negg, no ovel we oossfrrpe ahs nebe ainki ruo adn lab oru ojy yal,kmaa nogoilm u,s ubt ihwt htssie. Tca enev. .
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Mzaiang ee'wv nda gsril eht ym lceelog eeynttir laos alie,an levdi fo tzme ,tstimirtpbneaan— orf whti ca,reer heetr ni lngnratio. Mtez rtsteda feart ewihl al won in ndaigt a o,ot and eer'tyh iaenla. Nda euutfr bkca ehr hre nasirlpthoie itqu dna milyfa earee-vlatu losag htiw temz her ohme rof agrrpmo e,ahtlh ot lanemt go sarsetm ot hre. Abck yee il'es amsrvidtnetiai as na nasittass o,meh ofr iwrognk an arec iytcfial. It eadm utabo nad 'ehss fo epadss arec reh rgpatena,rdn had bene erh tngaik me eag tnkih wyaa, hsa rongedatrmh jtus. .
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Adn aer a gurop edam tobh a smvaicit, dyas cos,at u,cslb oeslc trguhoh ni unutoailcm rbas fo ibnit srdeifn nisedpng ouy of you nda hwti otrnac. Iea,rc lg,aeesn ysn,do eerhcrsa mirars ho(w rowk fetl lab rbybo a ot in in eai,lx vhrad,a)r tncyerel. Preu a biavtnr adn pogur ,ratms ycohnliaclr niolne peeplo itb fo hedar,te. .
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My i rucs,eo of epek auidlvdiin nirfesd. Yuo cna lsadze,z dan ash dmears netelssreyll btu gefrni waehlt owh iimntedsita uperdotsp wheos cco,o oryu on erevn ptu a. .
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Scaoil mofr of tuhoy asriyctc rou off adn ihavgn 'vwee os ti,hgn eigsnddh tteogn hatt elfi htat our peoelp hsti ogdo adstert emca aeccctenpa at vw'ee way,s peglisan ni ienertdsnm,c. T,cuhaietn will ardley nageirln woh nwo it s,tingh ot tdes,jumegn ni am aedsr epicr i evro rebigenrmme r'wee eeft,rs naygip ethyarp ruo —lveaornel eself and our on on inbeg igttneg erbthkar,ea imzmiien ,rsenept eht ujst hwat tsurt. .
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Tibinmoa si, atest fo teyh ,sawy ielf ookl my licosa ear l,eppoe i gacti,enpc imngaaz githr i tams,r the eahv tub oaertntl on unorecti ,nwo orf uor ueqrtciis fo heets ethm and nda btu os garfuelt ohw am at lla. Gdoo rhwot ot huttohg ton vha,e tub vggainsittein a 'its one. Deifrns i hohgutt i smyefl amke ludwo i ysa rveen btuoa htta elyia,s. Uelctru gfdnini yrif,inet—igrs ttiresesn, gpunitt lsymfe uto asndw—a it aordun aehginl coelnouanntniv to sinziliocga fignoto swnou,d eht uprnusgi in me eec,logl selmyf rehte, ym ldo ym tills. And off, it dnsskeni resep to daype deu rstnemo of ubt how eht olok. Lm,ehbdu ,lyrela nad ourpd 'mi. Nartsge omoiten s'it a. Ahtn on oruy od unbsedaori uodbt dinf iagn ste neve m,e tetbre vhea ynui,ocmtm fg,tooin i lilw oyu. Oen ew eb e,hll yad acn bmyae oloc. Layler kdin that of ooc,l sltetes ocol hte. I to frrwoad kloo ti. .
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Hhsaa, in ,alnaij hiwt rnnuoo eno,s nad eepk chtuo ym ady i of ,ucrsoe. .
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Tsatreeg mmclohspte?inca.
Tipyselrnao i i i ogod i veha and lbtiu a dan ,iredfn am rowk i hrda, eslyt bumo,taiis hsti feil ineil—k i eulginnye am rkcib by nad a hsrot, bikrc atht. To het rtpss,oe dre,gee lceeglo e'rew ee'vw eon ether pseentrde den ruo telaannlitiorny fo stloam. Dtmecoimt yps pndreippee a noit ot we dan laoubcim tusniyeirv ogt and (!). A )o!cdotr cna d be h,e(y uoy. Geesiinrxc aer yirntg dnsgie iedvr ro( t,o) ntdcruoopi ,rokw dan cloo we cna sghhwyia gdoin own we. Oh, oen and t,ou edarc no ,gril ew ddtea maec a. Hntki my i ewohrev am im,dnste soertudp the i of. Alck, i cmea mfor i lpeyur melyfs now erehw and a cplae onrleg owkr rfmo of eescrpt i nda no. .
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?dsgare.
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Rea aer in rm,aoyne hrete dresag emsrt uyeor' oyu fo eadrgtau one esoht rdaaws uyo k,oya radges, of egitgtn emor gndio on as. Aiilcnlc a ithkn mte elwl a tarxe i it sa eht ktoo d,ciineos si fhu,laesm eht to boy for ******* gniod htigr ew eayr do it owh ydoat ecsra,ehr swa sphd is ame,s na ygsyoplohc i ubt. .
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Sgbtgie trhig wo?n hte lboemrp.
Bmahs,les msto ot ogilensad esems raw dna matimnisgr eht si fmro in s:tael iantkg eb obrsmelp prutm eth elraves ai cmresi nyocome to eo,vr openrgitd racuniroovs ltef. Csiegoned in 'seerht wrldo hte eelavrs hgpnnaipe. Fo allcncii to sgploycohy ynpsl,loaer cihn draaif ot fairda ersetnti nda ifdn rof and obj, a teh adn to faserciic i motmic ma up igev ardfia to omnmtuem i wokr mdea ,gdsein. Sh,ti i nda heav and hvea rdlirfiegn a ,arc i to'nd eomny i lla t'dno a on'td veha. .
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Ocsloh: ihchw.
Aisvd!.
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Are we phpya?.
Gorwnki ,ti a yse tib on nda but s,serdste. No la,culyat. Ievl rfae ni i. Aws ?ma as eyvetclbjio m,oer now yhppa beal i i acn was rehe sna i noicedo,m aws asy 'mi e:arswn het i eb ot papyh asy i aems ewnh ni as i 'tcan adn hwo tiwh.
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On g/ceeelfultrou ghinnyta sobj?.
Esotinqu tihs hte is gbi. .
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Adsm?re.
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Owh epeplo iuocpsaocnt ni by cloo levi lovres oolc oolc have by a nad ordruuensd slmaro, isnfedr ot ,ctiy eddrao nwta dnki dan i. And ot tnipalteo lnaclayati twna ndgies my i esu. Ognsthe,mi slmal i ahve eildhupsb to wnat. Ot be dan i ym ********* uopdr rtcanie ntaw fo. Redguhat nda treta ym dna hmi elwl eb ot menhaesitecv yaawls i stconai a to add, atwn be nda mmo, adn ot in nroho ihst htem socle dogo mhi nda. Want to fele oncdfenti i. Ot **** i ot ton )rn tawn 0k(10 emka of emony is me a bigindwnm-lo. Ndntepdenei antw to i be. To eb dan i buaeitulf natw rsmta. Nda wnta to and ecepdrste eb i nrevaelt relofupw. ,hye sutj tsoneh htwi my being esdeisr. .
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Eth sstatu and i at just ym i a riovfge tnaw's dan iintgrw tptseue,rnoi swa vgei rretiw htta i nkith rome os onhets dpeatu ot opeh a ebtrte, 6,1 hist andtwe oto mead eusbnnslt. Fo ee'vw ew eohp up tawh dan i fo aecm dsamer pheo walays ilfe i r,teu ym to mdedear build meos sith. Eb ym so os st'i will u,yo uo,y am iedrw roupd in i eefl of ,gneifel a setch it i i orpud of. Avge oruy tsteel,d tgo ogdo euov'y pu, rnvee nveer roudlhse yevo'u eu'vyo on a dan rytpet dhea. Kglinoo eolv dfin phoe het m'i rfo yuo i. .
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Lealst, gae 22.

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