A letter from April 17th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

A nebe plntpicaaio ibt eth odnecs making o,elelgc cmyneoo eary ckpi jbo ndgseperis ahs tslli up, otlhahgu ihchw rsespco to has of ety het. .
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Lstli oefavtir lnaa we edl btu as ilntes eiytefdnli sh'se a foent my,nreoa o'tnd yer ot. Nas adamze who is pecal nad a lddnahe ardh ta i grteyevhni uyo eb, ma noimdoce ot. Ppnhdeae udrgin ilslt ma athpery enost,h to ahtw in ot i be yrsea ouy tesho fmro ogcvienrre. Na teh rtse a i wlil up as ivevsdur sa na id,lch dault we nmuota and cikp omrsoneu. Hte luzesiaiv hnta amtosl i uoy vree yb nac w,ya rdotoh—ornr' acn nca opsiernsxe wr,oyr namiieg yuro fo ngodi ee'rw o,wn 22 eetrbt !gianeim oyu 'ewre. .
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Resnatp dan brngi sdtteel ot ,onw uoy seiytnitn 'tsi mrfo rlebuecnut by gone aestr yenuecqrf doaibnuser to aer lianmy ega eht dwon uyor atth ersnt uesd etnbeew ronw. Hiwt iamitncy some heav ihst useaceb oblsempr of uoy. .
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Ouyr we:otr elpepo freof ni eno ,eovl uyo uyo b"e htiw taht vole teh ,yroseflu eltgne ot tehes lste,etr nad of. Dnik oeernyve is ryveoene anme not is ubt not. Eb hitw am ragte a sa my ntnniogiuc rfmo crpateci ilslt yuo na to i ,uatdl rnytig rfealuc hr,tea " twah. Ywa, aer asnagti meoc find ot lla yuo peleop t?hhugo ,hwta ,iknd by out, konw msto odds the. A ti'sn ?ti higtn d,lowr oodg otabu to the ezleari.
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Htiwni ,22 ruo ogt of it ni eweks dna ta onit 3 mrtes tsirf oraiehltpnsi eol,v ew edned. Eht euspsirr *** aer no ot uyo eon fo now,. U'yeov g,od the idas nigsth. . . I solmta scleta od odlwu ahstt i yraell oivme 'ouyd tkinh ni rso,pmleb aynaa to inikssg ha,ttere ermeebrm nigvmo ihomgnest merymo het i eeerrmmb dan whols ahve me not. Oryu ioemv hlcoo,s yb teh cescas to dha hrchuc odarbnig et,etrah eneetradeg e"rtthea iomv"e hte wdolu rdnuig be a of y,aw nto ouy it ew leutbosa ******* lony tueqainarn duolw the be. Icrtsh suesj. .
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Tuoab iihgnntk i epek yuo. Hpleign name deb hrygetveni a ta tuhoc, naaay itwh ocohls htwi ,iesnext nda hte hhccru aoll e,hbarte tbu riisapholnet onw ni niygl i'sas in in nihtg hre in nncdagi. Seepdupssr asc,ry we to asw aya,na rneve wnta our erew won, or ia,s stuj or ti unyfn sit' cnufsoed nsfeegli ll,ao or rfo a sndranudte i,heccl 'elfis i'nts t?i otbau. Tou ew of flie bucsaee udowl beaescu ew reew nrtceia thta hraerd lodwu osgrpu mrof get nvee bmcoee kenw hcare etcccaenap moer ,***. .
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'weev shit rrynitfeig asw clodkeb taoetinnt teddrannus ro lse—ite i nhtik wreehesmo ywh i uor tenrud ou,t. Gsril cne,ods yeerv swa iaslco iont seeersqnu kwagin yruo eimadncp queer hepon egyir,tfrni eewr wldro rgyetf,rnii yuo eth odvel ct,eacdep eness on ovel srnpaet swa dfesrni a it eerw ,fiirngrtey rewe a evdli attisicr hwy nrmso fdeendi, rgtnyi aws oyu rouy speeac ekams uoipat ni reew ryou werhe nda inyrfgerti, eth to. ,tath od newt in ,wya eht atfih eht uro ahev fo ti otlghuah er'we eernv si i iongd aaw,y ptar hbtai ,wdnuo yb edrepe a ltils rtuefu. Sith 'sit oru seamnds ebt,ert eamd atr. .
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Life: acisol.
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'dndit fo trefa yuo by ntpcoec did csrwdo ieehtr a,yw het i eht eary ?colelge esnd nodsec looc onwk het fo. Or meht eralsve atrs we rgospu ni vneoidvl onw hte stmo of eqreu lepepo, in eargt fo agnh. Idfners odocpnriut a amde a(nhsn)+a ehav ,won do nda fwe avviin dna ,way dom gdensi we atht. Fthrea yb edpya igg 0$06 steibgg oyru was nviavsi. Ayjii an ly,ke alos nwojin design mik anmiazg fo iutycmonm gbouthr rfoosspre ,yugon ppole:e. Jtpocer iswmahn nda elub rhguobt apel eatn yo odt uoyr uoy osrnie tereimhd. Egbin ndl,atocs redisnf wtne to we mdae icd,nela and in eor,uep nnlgead wot veen ejnoyde ew oabard othsm,n ew 72 ydust in daunro gtsniiiv. Adn pocabsdreko espag 002 esmrieom eouvy' of pu. Oen adiclne rtnicoeus cuqilky fieatorv beeamc fo yrou. Eeoppl ngo,c nysima gasw: icnudle oterh asce,si hn,hana. .
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Enbe sah ,own ercrhsea fnu rtghi. Ruo hwit enbe gn,eg ew ssthie lab and kiani ojy no olev uro oimnogl prfosorse utb sah yl,kaama u,s. Veen act. .
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Dievl nda etzm sgilr ni rfo eth ether slao fo e'wve ratonginl zmanaig aa,neli ym tnryiete bmipartnasi—ent,t hitw legoecl ceear,r. Etmz rtaesdt a nad onw raetf ,oot la lhwei diagnt ianela e'tryhe ni. Lsgao go ituq ehr to thlah,e dna to spnrliaoethi ehr hre abkc asmetrs yfaiml wiht marogpr mzte naetml hre ohem fro a-eervtaule uetrfu nad. Inorgkw hmeo, sa einsvtiamitdar crea rof na abkc yee fcliitay stianasts e'isl an. Adh erh of ti usjt neeb reh dmtgraroenh tdrpangnre,a s'hes eag crea nitgak has asdpse adn a,yaw kntih em dame oaubt. .
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Ohtb wiht iitbn asyd desrfni rabs a unlucimota fo dna socle of mvis,ctai ouy orpug meda in gruothh bucsl, ouy aer otrnac nad epdgisnn saot,c a. Ael,xi bla rybbo in a),rhdvra kowr who( ecsarreh y,ndos trneelyc irrams ls,egnea a ic,aer ni to tlfe. Bti ,atmrs a and lneino people upre nacrcolyhli th,adeer ntaivrb orpgu of. .
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Ym i u,rsoce diuadviinl keep dnefris of. A but hsa occo, uesrptpod oruy fenrgi ohw esllteerysnl on ieniasidttm acn uoy wohse adersm atlhwe la,ezdzs renev nad upt. .
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Dna eilanpsg fof rfmo otegtn rmesnic,ndte oru ccisrtay ahtt ecam at fo uyoth os ni cacntaecpe sa,wy edrtats htsi v'ewe htn,gi hgvani loasic uor ifel 'evew hngdeids atht leeopp oogd. Ngebi ydlera egtntgi own zeinimim ustj et,erfs ti no abh,rekeart vreo i woh raveelon—l aginpy ma ni teh iwll adn rou resda surtt elsfe iercp to ibeermgnrem ed,gtnejmsu lannrgei iunactht,e twah tn,shig ersp,net ere'w on eyhptra our. .
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Yeht niaiotmb all eilf ithrg how fo tub enrtcoiu ,is hseet eht ta veha y,swa fugtlrae orf i asett ppeelo, w,no ym nda kolo emht angmzia of lsacio so rtisqucie tbu ,tsamr eitcpnacg, alnttoer aer uor am dan on i. A tbu i'ts ve,ha to nto gouhtth nntetiigsaigv neo trwoh dgoo. Oubta yas meka atht i esflym inresfd oduwl thtough i i ,yieasl enver. Oinvntaounnlec ,ndwuso ot er,the ni ym gfoniot otu ym rgupunis dfngnii old reluctu anourd ipgnutt ti ioliszgianc teh —aasdnw gahelin mylfes isltl eymfls rsey—,ntiirigf me erssttnie, gle,celo. Eud fo serep hte ot yeapd kolo ti nda ohw ,ffo dsesnkni btu ernomts. Mhb,ldeu lr,laye dan i'm opdru. A s'ti ietoomn atsrnge. Ytmou,cnim ebtret m,e vnee fogo,int igna outdb od i oeudrnisab on oyu veha oryu difn tse illw anth. Ehll, neo be ayd colo ybaem we can. Essetlt of olo,c eyrlla ocol that the nkdi. I rwarodf it to olko. .
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Ouhtc ,nose ihtw i eepk ni use,cor yad ljaani, nda ym ,ahash of noonur. .
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Cltcihasmeonmp? grsettea.
Ma tulib ibckr iitbm,ouas i am i adn thta had,r a ,orths yb hsti i nriaeysotlp lguyeeinn a i rndei,f dan i rokw i fiel lteys gdoo ii—klen icbrk adn ahev. Neo tseeerndp wv'ee ,epsrots to our greed,e ehrte lecelog aotlms ewer' fo den linilrynnaatteo the. Tog nad tyviesirun a ()! cmdimteot mbucilao and spy tion ot ew enieprepdp. Be yuo )ot!rodc cna (,ehy d a. ,rwko ew ngodi vdrie we nwo colo excsgrniei era uoonpcdrti to,) (or nac nad iengsd whhagysi tnyrgi. Meac datde aredc we o,h nda ,otu on lr,ig neo a. The nthki however ma poeurtds nems,tdi ym i i fo. I elpca wrko dan fo i amec emfyls on fmro i nda esrpcet eehrw nrlego a,lck yeulpr nwo form a. .
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?sgreda.
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Erdsga in gadrse, oyu adsraw noe dgutraae htree yuo yko,a rea sthoe aer as fo tgginte of on mero tmers yue'ro ngdoi nroyem,a. Xatre a ot c,dsnioie sphd ktinh si pslcyogyho ybo mte ******* we ,shleamuf sa eacsr,her het yaotd swa i fro a teh okot lewl ti ohw nidog yrae ti ,amse iincllac od is i tbu rhigt an. .
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Oermblp won? eht tirhg sbegigt.
Eth smeirc eb amsimitngr lfte raw from ot omts tpumr ovoiurnracs ni gkntia ot m,selhasb :slaet ,over aevlrse nad eplmsrob nedalgios mcoeoyn edogrptin eessm teh si ai. Egpnanhip aselvre dwrlo ednosegic eserth' in het. Owrk faaird i dema eiicafsrc ot aifadr eivg dna ncih ot orpen,yllas a am tneetisr tmmcio j,bo ot araifd fndi dna pu lcalcini nmommute and fo eth for ot e,gndis cylyosphog i. Nda evha htis, a ehav no'dt dna car, a 'nodt tndo' ingierlfdr all i haev i yemon i. .
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Hichw clh:soo.
Vdai!s.
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Ear y?ahpp we.
Btu yse tbi on iowrnkg dna tress,des a it,. No ultylc,aa. I ievl efar in. I wiht i apyph i ohw asy beal a'ctn saem i swa newh was nca am? dan :nrsawe eb dmnoo,ice hree oibvejlctey eht nas sya ni to 'im wno asw oer,m sa sa i i ahppy.
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G/tlrefuecuelo ?sojb no ganntyhi.
Big hits si hte tnusqoie. .
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Marsed?.
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C,tiy ni loco owh ocol omaslr, adn oepple yb raeddo a eruosdnurd looc nad natw evha toaopcnscui leiv i evlors to ensrdif by inkd. I eltaoptni egdnsi ym esu to dan awnt tllaynacai. Shuiedbpl wtna almls sonehmg,it i aehv ot. ********* craietn dna i my purdo fo ot be tnaw. Ihst ot natw esocl taetr hiasnteevmce adn nad audhrget imh a imh ogdo be ni ehmt o,mm ym i ayalsw to be to llwe nda ncaitos d,ad nad oonrh dna. Dictonenf eelf tanw i to. 1(00k to **** nto a tnwa fo i si noemy n)r ekam me ig-nlindbwom ot. Ipenndteden i be twna ot. To be utfaubile wtna nda i msart. Dan aevetnrl i ewpluofr to and dersepcte wnat be. Sujt bnige hitw ye,h snhteo seiedsr my. .
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Itirwgn ee,btrt evgifor stuj i iths ubslensnt a os 6,1 omre at tath taudep i aws dmae as'wtn ot the i i,tpeoeutnsr my irwter nkith evgi netdwa nda dna sasttu opeh too a hnoste. 'evwe i ym ifle dna serdma deemard i fo aayswl of to reu,t epoh isht pheo mseo we pu lbiud meca wath. Uyo, it so enegli,f hects rdiew of ym o,uy fele rudpo i be i a lilw droup so fo in i ist' am. A enrev tetpry dogo geva u,p no nda edah tte,dsel yov'eu dorhsule got nveer vuoye' yuv'oe oryu. Rfo eth nliokog mi' hpeo fdin i elvo you. .
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22 gea ates,ll.

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