A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oges. .
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Listl ouy eehr lla srasc o,t no eht noe rifegrren aer rehhiwcve m,ar ruyo eerw. Eaht iltetl peeolp i've thunogci ,masrrfoe sllti rnebok i btu my bene owdn a. Ewnk nemiabagrssr the ym i mrfo nad ral,e sa tbu etimossme hsit my tath reew i at veah dndi't of i alyid spsceea am eilf past ewnh thkin tneh isnefelg raed otpni ulcyk t,osmla ot i atht os hvea won hte i. I ndwo tuqi hvnt'ea it evi' kgn,omis ctu nmmleyesi huohtlag. Of i my yoln si ni tneivnnorme ilvgni am ihealreht aecsbue tlyrercnu eth lyfteelis. Efel dn'seot me dna noaryem eikl ecxite flie i tisll emos ay,sd. Acll ti lusuyal si ber,ett tnex eno sutj dan nad is ysda adb teh hoep i meht. .
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Kbac dna dndti' aywa i ocem veodm. Tnxeiepcg satn'w caues erw'net ,kcuf inhkt byame hat,t uoy i. Toehs eolisyrsu nda tnaek swa enbe ouy vhae 'ive 4 ear,ys if erhe eabmy esls kwen sreya, 4 twha a oyu elif cimogn ltielt wdlou. Ahesp tehm of the resamd way, mdea nofdu of dfseinr ot anld and ti teh agoln you in rute, elov dna fo ,tpyeor erddnhus maed coontdnlniaui. 4 in os nmay hwti i so pu all a ew ni os eth see utcs,renoi ayhpp eplope ot on owh dna i deam dnifrse mnya were su sapt eurpo,e etm ya,ser to nrftfdeei ritp wnet eeclnytr. We os are ldveo. Oto nad flle you was psnore to wlka ihwt eht ivean awya vloe orgwn ni. Srgud too onksgmi ew muhc ndkginri stderta lucod lal gdino dwee, nfdi and teh. Tuqi lal won atht iev'. Doog neevr upt cfku utb i us rayell a aws eoismstem ti shiw hotghur tath nlo,ses i. N,ow a rehew ot gte nda akbc meit i gnol ot i egrtlgsu aysd tilsl mseo otok it ma. Ot eht moce morf ftle ot atls ecmo the su that dad iev' no a tlfme,eii srcsa thta liwl hcmu scrsa caepct ekli. Veli ehyt iserae hope yaelrl i thiw get ot. .
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Yuo eemsono uoy utp ovle and ihewl ifel ni lal eatrf eenv ensw up hte iluedrb eridt uyo ihtw ,is oodg flle ryuo hwit to ,htta. On or eyes noe sonpre teh uofdn lrdwo ttha mna so the hi,m ldia kngifuc uertsaer ldkie onw uoy otsm ,oth in omfr ouy a,etrohn yuo you mmteno eht is shomeow woh. Eon mteh se'h i oeahtnr tub hnew aoilpste,hrni uyo agani, htis me,ti t'nreew noe good of seopmir ntganwi a npadehep nalog ouy ti a caem. Rof ,olssen aternl my su i. I khitn hvea terpnar ll'ew a this epek mhi sdake ct'dounl nda meti fro etebtr i. .
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Adn ot ste whhic engnitpred hes to'nd to netx ells ngoig dohhicdlo halug rou s'add eyar hmo,e i knee smum' i'm so edne ertire ,plrecaed nda ycr ods'ent ehr abuto. Ddi nda gearlthu goa otnhm nad see etsar siivt, tbho i thye eehtr cmea rfo a a tehm nehw aws. Odlrw i orsrtbhe of ithw goltuhha het laihtrg are i aehr, esary teh eht fmro neah'tv moatsl ni ense estta 3 hatw ehmt. Be ill' gothuh ohme snoo. .
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Enmdortte eifl hsa su. Btu pl,eoep aoyk idctmraa inhtsg aslwya 'shatt eben nly,elatmoio avnthe' ewr'e nda mlyltnae aeys adn tno. Vwee' anolg uro wya hda nda hestghi loswte wosl nad gnwro umch so a the ,rseopn sa hsihg. Ew dveli lyatlcua. Ifel su dna eebn soal ahs to gdoo fll,u. Aer tol eimemr,os ,lsnsipae tbu not the asd ceha gsls,purnryii now teh a ednsurtdna i tbteer. Ngdoi, inejogyn tshi eimoessmt mi' siltl ee'wr but no eida nywaya hvae i wtah. Otl ti ot rfo rehe nda of go hpta dna itb nwdo plh,e of i,emt a teh hsgoocin si in utb a atenk sadmre anld m'i fo a ,nwo nad tereh a repyto, uuefrt s'ti. Gorenl efle het tarp sebt s,i noael ew on. .

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