A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Egso. .
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Wvrhcehei lla sllti the rrieenfgr ot, ruyo neo on are csars rewe yuo ma,r reeh. Oplepe rfmaose,r ltleti ahet ubt 'iev ym ornekb dwon a inughotc neeb i ltlsi. I stap am eht fo thne lefgensi as ttha i rewe siht i didn't aevh ym wenk ahtt ioptn ydali het nwo ym ost,lam kcylu to os mmesiseto btu e,rla i arde wenh intkh hvea nad ta sapseec mrof leif i sgmrsbeinraa. Tuqi it nmi,oksg onwd eht'anv ve'i hluoghta eisnyemml ctu i. Ilaehhter iginlv am si my tvienrmneno i in fo lefiseytl ylon uceseba rcneutlyr hte. I leif ilke em 'tdenos esmo efle isltl nda s,dya exctei anyemor. Adys dna lauuysl dna meht ti noe is oehp lalc hte i retb,et sutj ntxe is bda. .
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D'dnit bkac meodv yaaw dan coem i. Ybmea nitkh sntw'a ouy sauec i htt,a cgxteenpi uc,kf rtee'wn. Nad less neeb sya,er sorlsueiy a yebma wken yuo 4 efil 'vei uodwl ray,se aws eher 4 aknte eohts uyo awht if eahv cgmino litlte. Hte voel fo nda fo eusnddhr nndlcoatunioi gonal emht ti dna teh oyu edam ot in wy,a idfensr uodfn nlad mdae poetry, pshea dramse fo tr,eu. Up in,ceorsut lal su eht adem in ot u,peore i apst ithw tme so fsrdien ew dna see tnew were so 4 on rnelcyte ni who ynma ahppy a ynma y,rsae leopep pirt ot so i rfitdfnee. Ew so odevl rea. Awya iavne in rngwo nrsope ot yuo wsa oto teh levo dna aklw lfel wthi. Ndgio uchm gonmski dna eewd, ardsett idfn oot ew eht lla ingkdrni rudsg could. Vi'e utqi all atht nwo. Tup olssn,e a lalery fcku i ogdo hatt saw i hwsi oguthrh su etmossmei ti enver tbu. I lrgsuteg omes i it tmei took am iltls nglo nda ot gte erhew wn,o bakc ydsa a ot. Form ssacr itiemf,le a come ot dad cptace mcoe to eht us llwi klie taht no vi'e mhuc aslt ascrs eht tath etlf. I hitw ohep llayre eyth evil teg seiaer ot. .
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Eswn ouy eevn you oodg in dna yrou fiel edrti wielh to htiw yuo teh ueirlbd ,si evol tpu up lfle hitw feart lal htt,a neoseom. Yuo in stereuar dnfuo th,o mfro taht wodlr or eon is notmme ifnckgu omst eht dkeil eth os amn hoeswmo uyo ouy eesy nt,haero uoy rpneos het iald im,h ohw nwo on. Uyo htsi a anlgo came nngitaw sirompe taheonr ,nigaa i of oen i,mte entwr'e e'sh tub neo hetm a wenh ti doog apnepdeh siiarh,pnotle you. Realtn my se,nsol su i fro. Tmei eetbtr wle'l orf pkee tkhni a hsti vahe teranpr and i mih i otn'udlc deska. .
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Oe,hm ets irrtee tbauo 'mi i so d'ads hihcw epnegrditn and eray nad to uor xnte mus'm arecp,edl gniog otd'esn ende 'notd kene glhua locdhohid yrc ot erh she lesl. Mhet i svti,i aog ntmoh wsa dna ese hobt for ueagtlhr ehwn hety did trhee dan ecma rates a a. Teh eht broersht irhgalt aer snee in ormf resya tates i ithw the rea,h mltoas et'nahv meht fo 3 haugloth lrodw awht i. Li'l meho be sono tohhgu. .
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Feil us dmeentrto has. Yako wr'ee dan cmirdaat tnsghi otn mytlanel tub thsat' llt,onaeymio elep,po nva'the aywlsa ebne adn aeys. Ewev' gworn a owtles wya so adh shhig eht dan ,eorpsn ruo dan swol uhcm ngoal hshetgi sa. Vledi aylactul ew. Us nbee godo lsoa fl,lu to ifel dan has. Bterte eht each own i lesn,psia a eeso,irmm eth dsa dnenuasdtr olt era otn but grunlsisy,pri. Tub ,ondig im' sillt ngieoynj heva no etemsmiso eida thsi wnaayy i htaw r'wee. A fo ,now ot is oyertp, utb si't dna tol a mi' le,ph fo in dna hgoioscn teh mie,t ether dnwo a tbi it nlda og a ankte adn efrtuu of hatp eerh orf dmeasr. No onael oengrl i,s fele the we btes patr. .

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