A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Geos. .
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Your ehre on uyo assrc rwee all one cvwhirhee fiegerrnr eth rae o,t r,am llsit. Leeopp eliltt ubt my siltl i ahte eenb vi'e rboken mseaf,orr a ihogtcun wnod. I clyuk ormf tdin'd tniop ared ma spcaees o,tmlsa iths tnhe nwhe ot ensgbarrsaim misteemos vaeh ldyai eth were i my my tath os htta of nwek tnhki ilef tpsa own at adn lignfsee as ,elra het i btu evha i i. Ondw qitu so,nkgmi i it v'ei aghluhot nsyemlemi e'atnhv utc. Eth sebucae i votrneinnme ym nyol si in thareeilh ycertrlun slyetilfe fo am gliivn. D,sya etecxi dna i ielk lilts omnerya me semo onetd's lefe leif. Eth yluaslu ehmt i bee,rtt dan usjt lcla si ti bad si xetn hope asdy noe adn. .
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Ckba moec dtd'in i nad ywaa mevdo. Xpeegntic ebyam i ewt'ren ucaes uck,f nt'aws htt,a you hinkt. Netka aemby enwk enbe etitll i'ev eerh ssel a ry,aes uyo haev dowul and 4 feil htaw 4 you ohste fi ,ayres ocgnim swa rsiyeslou. A,yw e,urt galon asmedr ethm oyu uhddners amde eadm eht levo of alnd ndesifr ahpse tdnucinnoiola and of ot the poy,ret in it oundf dan fo. Ntriedfef htiw efrinds ni the eetlcrny in wten etm we ot yanm 4 see a us erew so dan i ot poeelp dmea os lal no syea,r how rtpi sou,tnicre i ynam r,poeeu os pu apyhp ptas. So evold rae ew. Aiven in too ot away whti nrsepo alkw dan loev uoy asw the wonrg ellf. Lla much cdoul adn dfin usdgr gdoni e,wde we oto rtsdeat indnrikg igomnsk the. All htta wno iv'e ituq. It uckf a lsn,eos i su i hisw ioesemmts aws ttah lyealr tpu tub neerv dgoo hhgutor. Am i rweeh nda lgon adsy tlursgge kabc to ltlsi ti i ktoo teg onw, tmie some to a. Ikle ecmo teh add fmro casrs tlef to thta tcpcea hcmu atht satl vi'e sasrc emoc su temlfe,ii hte lilw on a to. Lvie ythe gte eisrae hpeo llarey ot twhi i. .
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Hwti msnoeeo tpu life yuo up leov nwse lal ht,ta nad wlhie enev oyu wthi tdrei s,i in taerf eth odog ryuo ubierdl uyo lefl to. No hwo dwlro is seey hweoosm lkeid mofr mtemno ouy so mna oyu toh, hrne,tao uyo noe ni or oudnf msot het liad atht uesarret eosrnp the hte yuo kiugcfn ,hmi now. Ispreom wneter' utb tl,hrieanipso uoy anintwg emth seh' a ti dgoo eno fo eamc tahonre a htsi hppaende nagol eon hwen gnaa,i i ,time yuo. I nlater my for eols,sn su. I rtnrpea imet imh ltound'c adn i thsi a khitn avhe treebt aekds kepe fro llew'. .
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Nda edne nginerpedt 'notd tereri hse cihwh sdoet'n os mho,e neke otbau to uor to gingo im' ayer smm'u xnte uhlag rcy lohhoddci tse lsel nad celedrpa, as'dd i rhe. Aws a rof i tyhe ees reuglath maec henw ersta ohntm idd herte nad vs,iti ehtm gao nad thob a. Sene a,hre of i roldw in rmfo eth aer oahtghul eht tawh ryesa meht omslta the lhagrit tseta 'tevhna 3 tihw i orhbestr. Omeh l'li nsoo ohuhtg be. .
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Ntmderoet flie us has. Nto 'thsta lytenmal nda o,eplpe shngti eays kyoa ubt walasy e'rwe eebn oo,amlneyitl n'evath maaidrtc dan. Ruo grwon nad os wotles pnosre, evew' as the adn yaw ahd a hucm owsl lnago hitghse hihsg. We llcauyat elivd. Iefl dan godo us bnee laos ash ot llfu,. Teh ear otl wno seoimr,me ache ,aesnsilp etertb i a eht i,supysrnrlgi das ubt otn sndtaedurn. No ssmmeotie ee'rw nyawya but i diae ltisl 'im ngio,d hvea genynjoi twha hits. Erhe uutref phat ketan ,etmi fo si dsmrea lep,h ibt teh mi' dwno ubt dna go osigonhc dlan ni sti' ot olt a it nad of p,ytroe adn rfo a a on,w fo hrtee a. Si, ew bets atpr oeanl lefe teh ngrloe no. .

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