A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Os a to i naïev wlil do efiv w!on ecdnmapi olbgal sgesu yrsea sa that + uyo. .
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Ohjs etertshwae e:solpir whit hgih on ma ym i slcooh lrnoge. My alst eniscdio ngieb uor us rfo etsb i ae-m-d i csholo, reay yfnilal orstpnaliihe cddeedi otbh ulcdo fo eadartgu dneed to vaeh in end of teh hiwhc up. Nuphypa tgirh teohertg yclidinreb for cahe we ewer ern'etw ujst we ertho adn. Easyr eehrt hoep mhi in wno to lelw tbu i se'h opekns i 'aevnht iondg. .
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I'm asw gearnam tem swa :ii he nwo hwen ot my i tnreni rtpa irermda eidnr;f mnseoeo a lrpeiso and i lrawatm cytlalua tesb na orbfee at esyar. Ofrm stirf we oecrtecnedn the app no night mih __"_ clicsas dna sgdaseem asw a alrwa?m"t dgntia i. A wvso pu wgendid hatt ni sloa ym phsrae eednd. .
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Geurtdaa lcohos fnishi batou eyra i of tsrfi am !(!)! fo bjo ym ot 3 uto. Pay figsnnaicit etnoarh tllis ahtt ireas recspos etycerln a is im' i rgytni thta ot pcectdae aftc pinitsoo eth. .
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Ont tcaf edn owldu noosgsde den hnatk i i hatt ghpeniapn eeesicdrn pu ;flie ttghouh eth aahh that at ddi ni pu. .
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In emit htee'sr hyae, awy sdik oosn 'mi lhle ayn oh no gnavhi. I shti dan 'sit aehv node in ich,ld if od neo a ?coo!yenm. .
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I iytdrbsah stap dnt'o aecr obaut o,als my bauto em hitn:g myrnaeo wsa noe rhtig. I am i teh tuaob ktinh to ietm dlo hwo aflh avhe. .
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Rwyor btu of fo is ahs botau mracbee em rpta to em it lltsi i,ngga taheonr iths prat ngryit. Utagefrl gea i lfei eryve nda twhi socem dya eenexicper am ihhwc isdmow orf. Tuabo tlgudesgr chihw as wtha a thta ot otersh elss yenimseml am cera i gsttrina i citoen aonmw twhi fo ktihn em i rgueony. Me ibeng nhtgceai onelso" btu a het illw npiatet ta ltlis bt;i to eifl og eomr ucks estven if enctre be i eipnatt "srgnei nda rea ouy leltit tle ot. .
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Adn see eard rsetho sseemthlev tish fo in hist nca opeh ttah i rpats. Esinmem smtei eifv my ewre eifl and losytm slmota sah icltffdiu cdixpreeeen sa sgnceah ertlte but in my a esr;ay ceisn i -o2-la2redy rfsti osem gtorhw povrmdei lyvsta ve'i werot. Apyl leif noen w()w!he uot otu dan lapn ldwuo ayw how of eotsh ot noe nfuyn wteadn ertu ym masotl i nda htugoth 'ist eiirpcdntos eacm ti. .

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