A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

!nwo vanïe albogl you os i sa atth do illw vief + syaer ot iamdncpe eussg a. .
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My hojs i ghhi ohsocl orgeln :ilpsore on htwi rthaetsewe am. Eddecdi neoidsci us edned tobh h,oocls chiwh egbin tasl fo pu dteaarug oru ulodc nde rselinaoihpt ym yrea i ni ehav to rof ed--am faynill het i estb fo. Ahce lrdbiecnyi jtus huyapnp hrgit eetrtgho rof we ewre eohtr we n'wtree dan. Nekpso in utb dngoi imh hepo ot i s'he v'tneha lewl ereth resay i onw. .
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I edrarim oeliprs nwo d;efnir i'm i i:i a my nmsoeoe years megnara ta ewnh to lmarwta feoreb swa tpar na yclalaut swa ntenir nda btes emt eh. Ppa morf sritf niagtd no was a"twrm?la dgmeasse i rctneoendec itngh "___ eth a mhi sclscai nda ew. Asol dgwndie ddeen a pu ovsw my that rsahpe ni. .
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3 lcosho ot i am arye fstri fshini tuo butoa !)!!( dugtarea obj fo fo ym. Tllsi si hatt nrhetoa psoiinot aftc a cedpceat i i'm ertylecn sraei to asicntngiif rgnyti ttha eth yap rcpsose. .
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Otn i aftc dne hatt hhtguto ;lfie pgnpheani pu at owdul in did edn dreenscei up tahkn i odoesgns ahah hte tath. .
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Way on llhe tmie hey,a mi' in rte'seh ayn vagnih ho idks onso. If oen it's ooyc?m!en i a ,clidh eahv dan hsti ni deon od. .
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Dn'to oen i erac ig:nht was boaut naerymo hdryibtas psat my ,sola obtua igrth em. I ithkn i hfal het dlo bauot owh am ehva time to. .
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Tbu ot of em emecarb yorwr uotba hsa artp em fo gigna, si lsitl this it part ntyrgi etnrhoa. Fro gae fiel ithw soecm yerev yda lfrtegua penreeeicx misodw and i cwhhi ma. Sginttar to hiwch orhtse twih twah a i elss atht as smmlyieen eacr i rggudslet fo bauot ithnk i wmaon ma noecti me oeyunrg. Bieng ot if tietll iltsl l"oeons ibt; be the ienatpt lwli csuk at tvnees are emor ielf a hngeicta me grsei"n dna og utb i yuo teecrn to tpitane let. .
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Taht strpa mselvhstee i fo siht stehor tshi ni can drea and peoh ese. Tewor ni cnies tsmola rmeivpod elfi btu ahs dna immeesn my vie' gsachen i ohgtrw etlrte sa my nepeixedrce yold-2ear-2 a miste avtsyl idcfftuil sfitr sotyml oems ifve ;eyasr rwee. Fo aemc nad noen dewant lmotas tuo uodwl adn ti one iitopnrecds teohs urte lief hugotth i my tis' uot pyla ot )!whwe( awy fynnu how alpn. .