A letter from April 26th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, HAPPY 30th birthday! I really hope that you are happy today. I hope that whatever it is you're doing, wherever you are today that you are happy. I can't believe we're 30! Wow! Aging is so weird isn't it? At this moment, I am 25; sitting at home sick, thinking about how terrified I am that my youth is coming to an end. The thing is, I have no idea what to do with our life. I don't know if I want to get into marketing, but that's where I'm at right now. I miss writing, but it seems that I do everything these days but write. I am running around like a fucking crazy person since moving to New York and some of that has come off itself onto me. I don't like the anxiety of this state, I don't like how rushed I feel all the time. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to think all the things I want to think, read all the things I want to read, and do all the things I want to do- does that get better wherever you are? Are you happier now? Did we find what we loved? If we didn't- I hope that we are at least happy. 30 is a big number, try not to be afraid of it. We are 30, flirty and thriving! Hopefully.. This year I am going to SC twice, and also trying to figure out if grad school is worth the money. If marriage is worth the headache, if the white-picket fence thing is actually for me. I wish I could look through a window at wherever you are right now and adjust accordingly. Did you get married?! Where!? Did you have any regrets? Did you ever make it back to California? Where else in the world have you gone? So many questions! But I'm sure you have answered them all already. I love you so much, I love us, and I love this experience on earth. If weed is legal nation wide, find a joint with some napa red wine today, and laugh. Laugh, dance, cry, celebrate. Happy 30th

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Why Hello there 25 year old self. My goodness, what a journey we’ve already had and will continue on.

Yes, things will...

Wlso. .
- kmteiragn od yes, in ’luylo and icntuoen lwle. .
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Ssegu you cbka it ot akem rlfaiiocan th?wa idd. Emti adh extclay not irlifacona uoy iltl’ - sthi eb htaw mind utb ni nrtrehno. Nsa ccrsiaonf ot ovem sreoyful uyo. .
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Aha,h yes. Nokw i. .
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Rgeta ojin tacs yse the rea dan !uoy tahlhe ni. .
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Tub nsuny w’atns be the too - good darh ouy orf idnm litl’ oruy ti i’llt eb nalcaiifor in wihel lsou emard - hda. Uoyr mjaor a ti’s hte nnbeggini fo of elif pactrhe annfmlarotirtsao. Ni wken dlwro orunda - ttha nahcge liwl ecpmytloel indm ,uyo trigehevyn aerb oyu dna but eht. .
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Vseuriv lyoul’ utb. Gosernrt esbauce nda ceobem fo it. .
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Nesw eorm oogd. Yuo reimdar olmutsae nlinaoat laicreg rakp do ot in uory teg -. Ady ubt pdueor it asw teh ,dlaieh uroy and - rina ti wdeso,n psieptha of fiel. .
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Igev i c’tan hgtuoh lla aawy ti. Eb will but os eat’rn euy’or winhit fmor vloe, the ahtt ertse,pc dna aetpaerpci eisidngr neposr rt,cepfe humc rleta the arsye - ’olluy reonsp ouy’ll dna. Much try tn’ac wtieents yuor uyo to oto owryr og dna bakc oenjy uaee-cbs tnd’o. .