A letter from July 22nd, 2016

Dear FutureMe, I hope you finally found peace. During this time you went through a really bad depression episode that slowly bled into all aspects of your life. It's okay though. If you remember, the months of June-July of this year, you have a bit of a revelation that you wanted to pay off your $61k in student loans and give some money back to your parents. After settling all debt and having some amount of money saved you wanted to end it all because you interpreted your mindset as "I'm not meant for this world/time period". However, this wasn't a negative thought. You were actually extremely relieved when you came up with this revelation. One of the few reasons you chose to not end it all earlier was because of the amount of debt that would be then passed into my family which would be too much, especially considering that my mom and dad just consolidated all of their debt and will have the house paid off in the near future. You had constant thoughts about changing the stigma behind suicide and death in general. You wanted to be able to happily announce that as of "insert date" you would no longer be alive. The thought of that made you excited. You day dreamt about being able to just set it all up like one big going away party where everyone can say their goodbyes and go from there. That way it's facilitated, it's not a surprise, and you'll be financially prepared for all of the expenses and not radiate that burden to your family. I hope you stuck to making music, even though it's time exhausting. You really did have a lot of great ideas but just really lacked the motivation and drive to execute them. If only we had the motivation we had back in 2009-2012. But we will find that motivation if you haven't already. Before you leave, just promise you'll talk to someone about your previous ideas on the universe and medicine. even if they're wrong, you'll at least get to hear the explanation why they're wrong or why they might even be plausible. If you got mentally more stable and decided to stick around I hope you really did pursue your PhD and finally got a research position at Stanford, or anywhere for that matter. Anywho, I hope you're either doing well or are in the process of finding peace. Regardless,