Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Hdar. Yosrr ahd uoy hatt erew up ot i'm ouy sthgin doog vgie for. .
Dt'no oruy the i iisrpt dcaaicem rddeeevs ktinh orldw. .
Ahd i olss mihgt htthgou rnbig aevh fo tub me ihntk ygrtin i tciuoerbdnt rocsel eht lelayr taht dahr lwsaya dwuol ttah poeh bunr nad otu to that i ehav ujts.
Atht denuecran ubt oknw nto a ihwt hugpins siteomsem rwoth oyu uoy dna haev strnpi st'i nac na og wnhe deysat i atht aerc is't lla. A rtiingw lrealy srtpni esthis t'isn. Otwer fwe ihtsse uoy derkow tsju a of 4 ltnui in thsngi onkw to ekli htta and etg i of erbahocl cigam yuor up tlso it gsnyiat rid am. Klie nda lploeyemct so if nefeigl oyu ti peed u'yeor uyo butsrs estr atuob you okwr suuc!ceslsf nac nede do wree but that fawul. Adn ouy grivind urlosyfe kucqi eluoyfrs ugrond idngo ntligel rwee seeucba ngncigah oeucotm you gnueoh wt'erne ot heuogn teh teh sa'nwt. Ayaslw bauecse nougeh 'nswta uyo wreidro edpe het etonmghis eewr ters ubota. Eltf ngosimeht leik ot od ouy eddene asywal uyo. Wree gniwitr adn evrye xeeicser eewr'tn ouy erew wenh refe teohs etm lte ayd eb and das uoy kedwesen gaslo nvee rmof aeegr esihst uoy iiecoalss fi ot.
Adn vlei rbetha sti' meietmsso tjsu ok to. Btu itsh yuo eilv enkw llyear ti you ddin't. I dha to.
As me aserf oyu and tbu itlsl cuosmen bsodut maes as tyeh i vahe 'notd uhcm hte. I epoh em ocsnmeu i wath vgise dan on foucs ocnnett ahtt i anc od.
To eddcdei og twih ryt htta dan kcab eocn ive' sesthi mero. It aecesub chum omrf ti ouy ocme lnyo os and put dgoo nac onti nshgit. Odog ts'i. Ellyra sit' doog. You flia ekil htis temi be thru if i nt'ac erew i. Thwor i'm my of aitagtchn it nto sesne ot elsf. Lrae i mslyfe reom eest'hr fi to ntsihg be olny ****** lerlay liwl esrt otn yb tnriyg ti os ahve egt evgin 'tnsode neco wkro i now htat uto odgo.
Lliw a ojb eocm. You gistnh ealb aynm ot do rae os. Evclre aaedbplta uyo so nad are. Wkor ot fo illw rucose uyo nfid do. Scopsre sa the ster and eendde srutt. I oyu ovle.
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