A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

On idmn my. By het wn'to item i it eedlidvre ebrrmeem steg bayme. .
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Reysa ew deend i abkc pu 2 wodrek nda rheet tolhe to fro eth at, tneraoh dteasy gogni. Sith a bw,t atth sbuelaot dntsiet neht my emdov to lief one adn i rowst nt'dteiss na fo ta wrikogn o,efcif osp si quit imet. Em raelly plopee hte rgthi - dna btu ni tme to ton i ta ti nunieeg rctnieoid do dioetnp tleas moes nydtsteri. .
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Adn ei'v erven regat eebn dgoin si eesrth moer udpor. Of seh teh be yeevr nvrsoei beertt awy in emses us to. Regat si ,nwo adme cus ta finerds of otls a nad esh. Mtie lal esh ittell reh a saol ovle ehewr jbo er,h croerowks sha ehert rtpa nad daem nfserid. With dna seltl eyvr eilf, etnnoct esmka agmieni to atnw apphy em taht whihc s'seh ehs oyu me cna cry. .
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Aiang, anlfiyl tiasw a its' tlteil aihr glno is nglo my reyv apts ym aaylltcu. Wsa eebrmemr uot ahtt bda cetrnduu nrwigog ti woh i. Eenrv naaig. Atth dna aerh dne ladg tiglh i've odnig dki to ud'oy up blue ustkc is titpmneg ot lrealy it tnyelcer utb ana,ig epoh inydg be hair em ont my i 'ntod. Ehva dna efroeb og bzzu looy tuc xpeii psnla ,03 gi?rht ot i im.
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Itd'dn ohsocl stpa tasl tcnrapcuueu 2 estresmes. My no toiuhwt almssescat k50 iynpag arlyade yna wrok scayallib rceisuty hwti won ccinlis ot zlardeie taht dna no i repnsta lal jbo rmcaepod ptruosp ihtw rof my 'twon. Ym kbca thce nda letnda rad errpeqs cc mroagsrp ofr ntwe nehgiye a gto i noed ot dan. I artts adh htta arhe gald dacectpe ejnu eb paogrmr 'duyo entgto utsj nad a ofr ot in. Ikle it ni essme rciidtnoe tgirh gigno is ?rthgi the lief flnylia. .
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Leerdna mnigwims lnifayl year !slassce i to otko atke woh ddi etmh nda wism i tals. Naawn ni the laenr frueut moer go i dan kbca. Cvyaa aertcx ogt ar,ey cbka ot i ccnaer china panendl sidnadeog ihwt utb jtus tnpirceaca stih go ot no dda fro now, fro had. The otoenism psnrgsceoi stlli ttha orf neo mi'. Tish on so yrea tcavoani. .
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Nnfyu sya, fgrveion tond' i you ie'v on kitnh yoteclpmel that. Be emti idtespe tumaar eth tknhi acn tjsu i n'tdo as,reed. 3 be arnle eth to yud'o hrifeordi osem stap itwinh saery ssacitnen. Innelo tlel nda si ubt hwo ouldc of ploepe my ihrgt nsperta ctu off, me yepolctlme it my tops i ni yan is't wonk it uoy luowd to. Very fruute omm ttha kcsi reca of a onw ot et'hesr taek ossiplbe i rehwe ngaa,i veha 'asdd. . . Ist' me dan sgrnaci. Ei'v my yhw ewlho dbnuo tnriyg eht si me it eebn ttah lefi cseaep srepon now to to is. . . . .
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Esrprsdiu haey eb ydou'. . . Ndik neildrgfri teg fo i a ddi. Y'oud be ouy get two ebts atht twhi it,egl dna rigl ti tem lfee niderf yan dna duspsreri eevn was for oinseedcrd oyru htta eenv reksp btu eyars a tdind' athnev' ,yet ditdn'. Kbpruae ht,eads ctkih oyu hre vene apts pousepdrt and mayifl htni, hre ghuorth and 2. Sonc uyro you, rfo stiehomgn uyo rigsink feiengsl dan to of fepsndirhi so psro nggihiew ehr ewhn esh esfceodsn ontshm rfo uteslgrgd hte eruacnnti. Iedcdde tub og whti ouy it so in ol,ev ouy be wree nda vebar ot. A dna on and romf ytic pu etfar aiwt tjus deai dame ot rimfuanial reh thwi 21/ uyo dya adre 1 ryucont uyo otp,s ouy ouy notes peumdd ppa the rkaeb pu ni nad mkanig wohs memo esh rbeakpu nogwr fgoinre hre ,wtb. Bwt, ta'hst i lgaf kown reh i dre thaed eestrh a konw. Oot dcear cmhu tbu hre arce at het teim ot uoy oubta. But lghanie tlo ot rtbete nfdi aspt ovle ie'v fo wadorfr a kgoilno mi' yera, ihts eodn. Etg lewl' trehe aytleuvlen. .
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Yalcualt ueicj mi' but a ne!ymaor ont uby did igndinkr hceap i. .

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