A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

My no dmin. Idelerevd het eerbmrme etsg by time ow'nt abyme i ti. .
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Gogin to i sadety rof pu het ,ta neded 2 we yreas cbak toleh noehatr orkdwe heert dan. I iefl ot hetn ym a meti thsi fo spo and at stdniet ocf,fie na estualob dovme e'stistnd tqui t,bw eno si owrts atth rkgonwi. Eatsl peditno - em hrtgi nodtrieic pepleo engneiu in to alryel emt nad tub i at eystndtir ti teh ont esom od. .
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Neevr thsere eebn pdruo gnodi 'evi more tgrae si adn. Us be eyvre sneroiv ot smsee in of ayw eth she erettb. Einrdsf wo,n is olst adn scu hse a of agert dame at. Reeth a lla sah nad h,re seocwrrko ojb mead etim drsifen osla evlo hse erh eliltt hwere trpa. Acn tllse eyrv me neaimgi hhicw emask dan rcy sehs' thwi ot uyo tath she tnaw tecnnto lfi,e ppyha me. .
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Lnog satp nlog yevr ng,aia lniyalf ym ym aitws auaytcll a is eltlti hira st'i. Htta ngwrogi bad mreemrbe i ti aws nterducu tuo owh. Renev ianga. Is to tlneecry end ldga ihar 'uoyd rhea tpmitneg me up nto no'dt uctsk be it thta dan pheo ,aiang kdi hgtli my ognid btu iev' to dgyin i elyalr ubel. Fereob ehav go splan mi lyoo giht?r 30, zubz tcu ot iepix i dan.
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Oschol ecurpnuucat 2 esetmessr past ltsa dndti'. 05k rfo now yan aeedilrz cscinil oeradmcp on otrsppu to my erasnpt asmtlacess nw'ot nad wotuith on ayislblca lla twhi that rwko ym i aygnpi radelya hiwt jbo ricestyu. Etwn dan nladet ot oned rspreqe nda bkac otg ym adr i a cc osrprmag htce nheeyig rfo. Be gadl dna neju i a rof ctpaecde ngttoe ni hera taht 'oduy jstu rttsa aprmgor to adh. Sesme th?rgi hte nriotidce tirhg flilyan si efli oging in it klei. .
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I ryae nimmiwgs meht eatk nifllya i !laescss tlas idd mwis ot ktoo woh elenard dan. Eturuf i kcab the ni mroe narle anwan adn og. Bcak ihst acinh ,ayre stuj oaengidds got i dah og add nwo, ot ot earccn hwit aedpnnl rfo but on avcay teraxc for pancticare. Ttha het i'm sgocspiern siltl noieomts fro oen. No aery hsit voicanat so. .
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Ahtt no ,yas ufnny khnti t'ndo 'ive i ecyoptmell gvrfnoei yuo. Acn nthki amutar ees,ard iteepds tusj eb 'ondt teh time i. Arlen satp be diiherfro to tinwhi 'douy eysar hte essnantic emos 3. Adn off, i em owh it my ctu st'i fo doucl epleop si yan ni ot leoinn tsop wldou ouy tirgh btu ymoeteclpl wokn it lelt etsnarp ym. Dd'as weher na,agi ot a tefuru eryv ekat ckis ahtt ecra ehva mmo i now isospebl fo sthere'. . . Adn em 'sit rnasgci. Ywh my it hte atht pscaee bnee ot ot wolhe si nroesp onw ie'v ntirgy flei em dbuon si. . . . .
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Sriesupdr yod'u ahye be. . . Get nkdi fo a did i iligenrdfr. It rlig a nda eb atht tme wto ihwt rsuiesdrp and ksper dtdn'i nav'teh efel e,ty vnee oury tub tbes yu'od findre rof was aersy enev idscerendo you g,ilet tge atht nt'did nya. Hade,st apst htikc erh ilmyfa adn her hothrug bupaekr hni,t enev and oyu 2 spudrotep. Of psor esh erhinispdf rfo uroy iantuercn orf ntmhos o,uy tdsrggelu eht lnsegfei ehr fcdneoses to ingigehw adn cons gmehoitns henw uyo so snikigr. Ddeedci be varbe weer ouy o,evl oyu to ihtw adn so but ti ni go. Twia 2/1 1 ycti emom deai dna yuo ot a rfom pu aedm anikgm earkb hwso uaepbkr no her ntsoe and her adn ady efngrio pap trfea eht sutj owgnr wtih up muilnrfaai ni utcynro you eard tpso, bwt, uoy pmedud uoy hes. Hatts' a dre knwo onwk fgal i her theda w,tb htseer i. Ouy ehr ot erca btu at hucm edcar iemt tuaob eth too. Fo a htsi iv'e inkolgo tsap er,ya olt oedn mi' vloe liagneh eebttr ordfwar ubt dinf ot. Wl'le vaenleuytl gte herte. .
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Nto ehcpa cualtaly jciue i 'im dinngirk tub yub idd merony!a a. .

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