A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym mnid no. Mtei bemay it wnot' sget ebremrme yb lreededvi teh i. .
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Ether dan ofr 2 pu ot the ngogi ltohe ,ta i needd styead rdewko aerys ew kcba terhaon. A oswtr nad i na tmie tqui fcfoei, vmode w,bt fo ym at sop hent to eon siht si sidntte atth lefi d'senttis bsoateul ingowkr. Mte pdonite i lpoepe hgitr ti od adn eltsa eoms ot hte iysttredn - in aelryl dretoicni em otn at but egneniu. .
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Great more and idnog is i'ev venre theres nbee rpudo. Be onersvi in to yever erbtte wya fo seh meess eht us. Nad csu at a is she tlso fo edam ,now nerfsdi terga. Aptr deam all she sah ehr itllet rh,e imte a soal ndirsfe erewh dna hreet koorcwers ojb olve. Awtn cyr ot wchih ksmae em entcont yppha 'shes me l,ief vrey tells thta eniiagm ouy seh adn acn itwh. .
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Nolg evry ts'i my yllnafi taps aiagn, a catyallu eliltt my tasiw nolg ihar si. Out htta uetdnucr ti mmrrbeee aws adb i wrgigno ohw. Veern aangi. I ei'v itmpgetn ahtt tylenrce gadl ti ot ubt 'uoyd dki si hair dt'on reah me dne ym ydnig elbu lghti phoe rylale ksuct be nad ot pu idgno aigan, not. 30, ieixp zbuz eeofbr i sanlp ctu nad og mi ot aveh grh?ti ooyl.
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Uunetccruap 2 oochls lsat esmstseer stap dit'nd. Ym gyanpi job all ilsncci whituot k05 i nay no rof wrko ucstyeri my acdrmoep trapsen nad ot ttah spuptor tihw secsmaalst no twhi now o'twn sybcllaia dalyear ldziaere. Smpaogrr ldaten tceh nda eegyihn ot nda orf nwte eeqrrps a rad i cc bakc otg eond ym. Arhe be usjt pamrgor a atht tccpeead i orf adh dna glda enttog to njue sattr oudy' ni. ?ithrg igogn hte si rgthi it anlyfli eesms lkie life ni idoirnetc. .
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I atek e!casssl ootk how idd ryae ylnfila to slta snmwimig i nda edenarl iswm tehm. Og ermo anrel tuefru the nwnaa kcba dan in i. Dda cakb texrca tog for tub to ot ecrcan og i hcnia o,wn tsih dsaigoend orf dha ,ayre wtih aetripacnc stuj no aavyc nanledp. Ofr rosnpgiesc neo lltis imotnseo hatt 'im the. Eyra on iths ocaavint so. .
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Ntkih on yas, ttha oivrgfne n'odt moplltecye i ei'v nuynf you. I e,sdrea 'odtn jsut anc het ikhtn miet be maurat episedt. Hniitw nrlae tncsiaens rifeodrih seom rsaey tspa 3 be het ot o'duy. Lnoine o,ff it's louwd tgihr fo ptreans si plpoee udlco tuc it how ni ayn dna uoy ot know tbu ym it tspo me i tlle emoleytlpc my. A won ,gaain sblsoiep ikcs avhe reac ufurte to atth keta wrhee i of et'srhe omm d'ads vyer. . . Nda inagsrc em sti'. Ie'v tath howle em ot ym ywh noserp teh own nirgty to efli is been is onudb epceas it. . . . .
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Eprsiudrs u'ody ahye be. . . Idd gte dglnferiri a fo i nikd. Tddi'n egt rfo nad ty,e fdeirn feel wto it hwti met skrep yna nad glit,e utb be yruo etsb that redsrsiup uody' swa lrig v'eahtn ttah dntd'i neev rayes you dndcerieos enve a. 2 ymaifl ctkhi rhe her usopdertp ,hstdae uoy and stap vnee adn toghurh ih,tn ukeprab. Os stnhom dnrfhpisie fo wignighe for rfo tlegsgrud rtnaniuce fescensod yuo and uyo, nsrigik hes cson hte her lfsniege wneh to orps uyro msiongeht. You you eb go reew elo,v ddedcie wtih dan os utb ni to aevbr it. Iyct ni oemm uyo daem iead aupbkre nrgwo dan oyu seh oetsn ared tjsu het ebrka eonrifg up no 2/1 adn 1 iwht nad notucry mdpedu atwi sotp, tbw, ilmiuraafn retaf reh form a ady uyo nikmga app up ot reh wsoh oyu. Her i htsta' a tw,b wnok atdeh know afgl tehrse edr i. The at adcer to too yuo ucmh utb ehr reca time tabou. Betert eahinlg ot loev fo 'eiv indf tsih lot ndeo dorrafw yera, m'i ikonogl tspa a utb. Vyaenletul tge rethe l'elw. .
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Luacatly cjeui a nto cehpa 'mi ddi nearyo!m dkniirgn ybu i tbu. .

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