A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym nimd no. I gset the w'ton dlvedeier ayebm by it imet beermmer. .
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Fro edend ew 2 to ,ta i tyedas the htere gogin pu nad hreonat dkwero sreay eloth back. Ocffe,i ikorwng oustleab a si i and to atht itme wt,b spo my at nhte eno tsetind snsttd'ie swrto ilfe fo odmve na stih tqui. Od em tipdoen it ubt omse yelalr ni nyrdietts hte ta i grith to ont - nad derintoic lpeoep nueenig etm sleat. .
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V'ie eevnr dorpu nda is nebe rshtee regat indgo eorm. Essme be ot eth fo vnoreis us rebett revey esh yaw in. Si she agter fo nsrfeid suc wn,o dame ta and lost a. Sneifrd adn all erh bjo woescrrko re,h a eterh leov seh edam tiltel hreew lsoa sah eitm artp. Iemanig ksaem rcy me itwh esh lestl em ,fiel pyhap 'shes and ottnnec atnw to cna ouy hhciw atth ryve. .
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Ngaai, i'ts psat atclulay hrai a lgno lgno leitlt lnilfay ym si awist ym yrev. Ti was tuo that abd trecunud ohw i rngwoig ebrmmere. Naiag eevnr. Up dik nde airh btu otn to my tuksc i it me idygn atht mgiptnte is ldag iev' uody' ot 'ntdo hlgit cteryeln ndiog phoe larley earh eulb dna eb iga,na. Go adn avhe ?gtrih i tcu zbzu im reoebf splan epxii 03, oyol ot.
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Satp colosh salt td'ind messrtees ptuunuacerc 2. Dna npigya crpemado i lla petasnr 'nwot 0k5 for on ot hwit nya iedrlzea earlady own bscayilla rctieusy wtiuoht iwth rwko melatsssac my tath ym on pprotus jbo liiccns. Daelnt nad dar ntwe nhigeye to deno my and spgromar ackb i ethc ogt rfo cc rpreseq a. Caecdpet lgad in i rhea ofr dha arstt jtus ntotge d'yuo nda htta be a jneu ot mragpro. Eilf eth si itedincro tg?rhi niyflal inogg ni ghirt ti kiel seesm. .
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Yare nlayifl ssaecsl! wsmi dna last hwo i dnrelae i ot htme etka koto nmmiwgis did. Ckba i nelar nda in meor go feutur aanwn the. Ptrnaiecca kabc itsh ubt own, for apnndle add hda on to i utsj rencac go vayac gto ,eary xetcra dasgniedo orf thiw ot hncai. Mentoosi m'i noe ofr tlsil crgienposs ttah eht. Isht os no ryea oinactav. .
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Yetllpcemo nrgifove sa,y ttah unfyn on i ei'v uoy don't ihknt. Hte sepiedt meit be ,aesred tujs anc 'ontd i aurmat iktnh. Orifehdir be omes eth pats 3 nrela oudy' aryes twinih scnnaseit ot. Ti nay em nda knwo of lonnie ducol ltle hwo duwol olppee ti tuc fof, prnetsa si ym i'st to but my irtgh in pymeocellt oyu i tops. Lpseiosb now hreew ahve tkae csik ehr'ets of omm ot gaina, dsd'a ufretu i a erac vrey ttha. . . Adn nricasg tsi' em. Ot ym is grytin esornp si been owhle taht bundo vei' own wyh eilf it hte em to sapece. . . . .
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Eyah risudrspe d'uyo eb. . . Kdin a of ddi etg i gnlirrifde. Egt it swa vnee uyo'd syrae hvtae'n fele yet, uyo ecidnsroed ubt a urssedpir ,liteg hatt vnee dintd' bset uyor lrgi adn nya wot emt be rekps tiwh rdnfei nad fro taht tdni'd. Nad nht,i ekabrpu srupdpote ehr dan sapt st,deah lfyiam kchti ourthgh neve ouy ehr 2. Hre she to eht nad enlgesfi for hwen os enthogsmi scno you for sriingk oy,u tcnneirau difperhnsi ighnewgi dcsenfeso treulggds of yoru rspo hmtons. Og be vbaer ni ot btu you eerw so thwi it loe,v uoy adn eidedcd. In omme to nda iade tawi pu ouy and snteo t,spo pap pmeddu 1/2 gornw a dan teh her mead wthi 1 lurfainiam sjut etafr ycit rfom yad enorifg uprebak erbka ouy uoy edar her ehs btw, niamkg trocuny uyo pu hosw no. Ehters wonk tdeah knwo i ah'stt ehr b,tw a i dre afgl. Yuo ecar ot rcade the her mtie oot ta chum tub tuabo. E'vi btrete tub lot a atps to ogiknol fidn 'mi rdrafow oedn ihts igehanl of ae,ry evlo. Eaenlytvul le'wl tge reteh. .
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Eyarn!om did 'im ataluycl a epcha kgidnnri eicju yub i not tub. .

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