Dear FutureMe,
You are a legal adult now. It's weird right? I bet you can clearly remember being a 6th grader sitting with your friends in Mr. Yates's classroom, daydreaming about playing Minecraft when you get home... until you realize that was almost ten years ago. You're no longer that kid who's starry eyed and always searching for something bigger, that kid who's sitting in their bedroom doing her homework and writing stories and pouring her heart into those moments of introspection that come out in characters. You're not that girl who's calling her friends on Discord to play Genshin Impact or just chat for hours on end. That's me. But that's not you, right?
As for me, I'm seventeen at the time I'm writing this. There's really no specific reason why I chose to write this letter at this moment. It was a spur of the moment type of thing. Maybe it's because I have so many things to say that I've been thinking about but there's no one there to listen to me, so I'm writing to someone who I may or may not know in the future. 21 is such an interesting age. You're definitely not a kid anymore, but you're not ready to be an adult. Scary, right? I wonder where you are right now... junior year of college? Applying to graduate school even? Wherever you are, I hope you feel good about yourself. God has prepared something special for you, I'm sure of it. These highs and lows of your life, these decisions and little incidents, they're all a part of something bigger.
Do you remember who you used to be? How it feels to be a teenager, scared of growing up and having to become responsible for taking care of yourself, wondering what the future might hold? Because I feel like a walking contradiction, though I suppose most teenagers feel that way too.
I'm scared to grow up, but I want to be independent. I have pride, but I'm very self depreciating. I think I know it all sometimes, but I don't. I can be very jaded but I'm one of the most optimistic people I know. I'm passionate, but I'm bored of everything. I'm in constant internal conflict, but I'm sure of who I am. I think I am no one, but I am the main character in my own story. I'm introverted and extroverted at the same time. I cannot care less about how people think about me, but I'm very insecure and I care a lot how others perceive me.
Do you ache to return to the high school days? Or are you glad that that time of your life is over? Do you yearn to return to your sleepy little suburban town where everyone is like you and the most excitement that would happen?
It's funny because everyone I know right now is having a crisis over the fact that they'll be ready to go to college next year. I think we are all slowly starting to realize the implications... it's hitting us that we're graduating next year. I feel time slipping through my fingers day by day and it's terrifying that I can do absolutely nothing to just hit the pause button.
Yesterday I was in church and me and my friends were talking about college. Me, Faith, and Sydney are juniors, and Avery (and Tera who wasn't there) are sophomores at the moment. These are the people I've grown up with. More closer than any friend I think I will ever make. Just a little while ago we were in middle school doing stupid things and making stupid skits and films. I looked around and I suddenly noticed how old we all were. I could see it physically. We'd lost that childhood roundness, defining features carved into our faces instead. And suddenly I saw how many years had passed by and I think my brain short circuited.
I am in a big struggle right now. I want to pursue Audiology as a career, and I think I might want to major in Speech Pathology. But my parents really want me to major in Engineering or Nursing or something like that. I agree it's a safer option but. I don't want to major in those things lol. I get burnt out so easily when I don't like what I'm studying and I'm scared of failure. Thinking about having to take hard classes scare me. And if I end up not making it into grad school for whatever, the idea of having to actually be a nurse or engineer bore me. And I don't want to be stuck with those careers.
I've got so many questions for you. It's because I think so much about the future. Thank goodness futureme added an epilogue feature because I know you're gonna be in tears reading this letter.
- So you're almost done with your undergraduate. What did you end up majoring in? Did you end up caving into what your parents wanted you to be? Are you going to be an audiologist? Or did you end up doing something completely different?
- How do you like college? Are you living away from home? Have you met new people? Do you live in a dorm?? Who's your dormmate yo?? I hope I'm besties with my dormmate.
-Where are your old friends? The NPCs... the biggest losers of the west coast. Are you guys still tight? Don't tell me you've drifted apart, I'd be very disappointed if you did. What about your old friend group? Y'know. Janet, Jimin, those folks. The Bamboo Union. And what about your other friends? Katie? Leejae? I'm so curious.
And SAFEET. It's painful to think about these people I consider my sisters (and brother ig) will be who knows where and we'll only get to see each other during the holidays. What are they up to these days?
- How is your faith? No doubt you've been through a lot. Do you still pray for ten minutes every day? Do you still read your Bible? Meet anyone at church? Do you still have that thirst for knowledge... that hunger to learn about God?
- Do you still write stories, no matter how cringy they might be? Y'know what. Cringe culture is dead. Write whatever you want. I've always wanted to try my hand at manga actually. When I daydream and I close my eyes, I see panels in my head, waiting for me to give them a physical form on paper, only for my artistic abilities to fail.
- Do you still play your instruments? You've always had that immense love for music. Your friends gifted you some for your birthday. I have a piano, ukulele, melodica, kalimba, otamatone, harmonica, and cello (kinda). That dream you've always had of being in those garage bands where you're w your friends jamming and the energy is immaculate. I want a guitar or a bass.
- Have you had a glow up yet or what. Silly question lmao, I know, but seriously. Do you take care of yourself more? Like I've been wearing a ponytail for almost every day of my life and I want to change but I'm scared of change. I wanna be bold!! Do you work out?
- How is your family? I worry for them sometimes. We're a bit dysfunctional, honestly. Where is your brother? He's found a job yet? Are your parents still in good health? Especially your father.
- How does the future compare to 2022? Anything big happen that shook you? Surprisingly celebrity deaths. Have you found new music yet?? Right now my most listened to artist is Radiohead haha. Jeff Buckley and the likes of that.. Mitski too.. I hope you fall in love with another artist where you binge their discography over and over again because it's so good. Have you watched any good shows lately? Good animes and mangas? Read any good books?
- Have you learned anything new about life? You've always seen things from a philosophical perspective. Remember the first time you read East of Eden and you thought it was the most beautiful thing ever? The struggle between good and evil... the essence of human nature... and ultimately how we're given the choice to do good or evil. Isn't it beautiful?
- And I suppose, most importantly. Are you happy? Do you think the future's looking okay? If it's not, then take a deep breath. Pray. Think about your options. I have no idea how it feels to be a college student and I'm honestly a little scared of it lol, so I can't put myself in your shoes.
I suffer from impostor syndrome. You probably do too. Have a bit more faith in yourself and most importantly God. He loves you. What could matter more?
I think I'm going to sign off here. If only I could sit down with you and have a chat over some drinks. I'm excited to see what type of person I've become. Because I am a very different person than who I was a few years ago. I'm a different person than who I was just this summer. So much changes in a year. So how much will change in four years? No matter who you are, I'm proud of you!
Also also did you figure out what "All Flowers in Time Bend Towards the Sun" means?
Okay. Anyways. I love you so so so much. Remember who you are. Remember everyone who got you here. Agh I have so much more to say. Parting is such sweet sorrow... But I'm at like 1600 words, so this will be my farewell. Until next time.
Yours truly,
Esther.
Epilogue
1 day laterWow. I wasn't expecting this letter to pop up in my mailbox. I'd completely forgotten I sent this. Yes! I'm a legal adult now. Twenty one. Feels weird to say...
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armannzxc:
7 months ago