A letter from February 14th, 2021

Dear FutureLeel, HI LAYLA!! ITS MEEEEEEE.... Jaws of years pastttttt.....oooooo.... dramatic entrance. I kick the door open and wave politely. Let me be cringey in peace ok don't tell future me I said that. She'll die. This is the intro where I get out all the nervous energy which of course serves well for you to laugh about. Which is fine ur laugh cute. oK NERVES OVER. 5 years later and I *know* we are still in contact. I think you’d have a very hard time getting rid of me, if you did, which…. HA you just messaged me asking how *** we're going so [cracks knuckles]. I LOVE YOU............... I AIN'T NEVER GONNA STOP LOVIN YOU............. LAYLA..........., CADA DIA TE QUIERO MAS…. MI QUERIDA............ Hm buT MORE SERIOUSLY... I felt lucky from the day you told me you wanted to get closer to me. Maybe lucky is a bad word to describe it... but I still think that's how it felt? I was... excited to have the opportunity to stand by your side more closely? I think you might’ve also been happy to be let in.. but that makes sense, right? Cuz it feels like equals. I was happy with how we had been going for 5 years ( 10 years ago at this point) . But I thought there could be more. And we made it so. I do want to improve for me, but every person I choose to be close to is part of the reason I want to improve, too. And face some of my fears. Even now, I think about it realistically and... I'd get on a plane to see you!! I'll tell you my secrets. I'll make action meet words and make sure you feel important and make sure you know you are important to me. Cuz you are. You always have been, even before we got ‘this close’. I wonder how much closer we are now? I think about.. the things that you've trusted me with. Your own secrets. Crying on the discord. I'm glad... I'm someone you think of as worthwhile to show these things to. I want to hear you and I want you to feel heard. Cuz that’s how you’ve always made me feel. It really breaks my heart to hear you talk about how you feel overlooked or just as someone people in the past have used for their own comfort. You aren’t a stuffed animal. You aren’t someone’s therapist or personal motivation coach or babysitter. I don’t like that you’ve had to be but I know there’s not much to be done about what’s happened. I can only treat you like the special star you are… so i will :uglycyclops: shooting star. Wishful. I will do that and be *** and lovingly chaotic. I’m happy we had the opportunity to get close in this lifetime. I wonder where we’re going to be by now. Ugh, I’m gonna be 30, gross, SUCH an old lady. We’ll be old lady frens then. I hope we get to spend more irl time together too. I hope I pulled myself off my *** to visit you in Canada. I hope I got some Timmy’s JSDKLFJDSKLFS. I hope I suggested traveling together cuz I think I’d like to travel with you. I had to have asked by now, I think. If…… we did stop talking.. I hope you are still moving forward. I don’t think there’s a doubt in my mind that you would. I really think you’re the type of person that can figure out how to achieve anything you put your mind to, and I mean that realistically. I wonder if you’re still in Canada or if you’ve moved provinces or countries even. You always seemed like such a go-getter… Life is crazy but I know you’ll always succeed, even if the path knocks you down a few times. I think you’re brave.. But I think you’re resilient, more importantly. I hope we’d start talking again.. If the flow of time naturally allowed it. I think if we stopped talking, I would reach out to you at some point. I feel like we really can get through anything though!! And you promised me you’d stay around (in general), and I promised that to you too, so. At least we both still are around!! I hope no-one else has made you feel used and discarded. I hope we both have networks of people who care about us for us, and that we’re still both part of each other’s network. What is it called… like at a zoo… OH I hope we are still part of each other’s enrichment team!! I hope people are always kind to you. I hope you are always given kindness. I care about you very much. I hope it’s shown over the 5 years. I love you, Layla!! Lub, Jaws