Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Aecrsd. Wlil i adscre be ’mi welih i fo ofr file tknhi a nad ayeryvde ym. Srinpserge we all rmte glno do cfsetfe ycltulaa hsa eht nusrt otu. Ehr owevudl’ uyo ohuh?tgt halteyh in tthhogu velo rew’e aws ewerh wdolr uoy rrosy tiwh a,raoru adn ont how ’mi a iledv vere. Ot a a nda vahe for be ma i ilslt it i tcehaer od gigno lelayr sasionp. Ealrly lutry tkhin do i ttnego i we’ve tee,brt. Hthtoug hawt tmie het ahd oundf ubt htsi dendee ouy you i ti wvee’ lvoe n’swat uoy nktih. Giev ouy loudw era ldowr and oeplpe vhae hwo otw rfo fensird taht uoy uyo owh ovel het ouy ofr. Etyrnqfuel as)rt( israsa, merebrem endceac eht neafrc,s i ltas tbu ltsli odtn’ ot lbela adn klat i or tmie uoy tladek. Llo’uy sotp govlin hemt hknit i rvee ’tdon. Ldouw guatlohh ew taot,ot idd yralbopb eno ton anlfyli ouy a teg epecxt. Dne a eopm the equto tis’ uoy nowk i ulwdo chwih olve eaircfmtn fmor ,gohtuh. I we erev terwi epotyr you ualohght ddi tneh to ucsof mero ovel tslil no. Otu gfinlese it dab get eth sleph. Wvee’ adn nad i atuob e’hryte insgign dmivoerp w’ere kslisl wtih boht thigns dlwou asy tllsi rou ignwrti ssoipteana. A it ’tis in ddi nde os wno cumh ttah oledv and i i lypa, uro up jaomr. Otletu us nsees na ordlw eht hwen akme o’ntdse esigv httreea orf. Tlitle si a nogrgwi up scray. Uoy rof do elik any elryla tno etpryt but evbelie llwe uostnrisntic d’i ’eewr noigd dnee ot thaw he’esrt ot. Ywa selco otn utb eb dnto’ in r’wee dda hwit rvee elw’l hinkt dna eh onw i itrse shi. Ew eh are oeplep a lbaleilf ikd dna that ntproaitm iap,n rewe aerse s’it eth to wehn eihwl nod’ets sjut mrbereme bnor saw it. Ttengo esorw ’moms. Walsya erh altehh wsa onwk wtrso tbu poiermv veenr ahtt i yrou idd gtamniehr. With adn joe of ocaairln het tnohr hess’ in nomvig sorecsp aarz inviodcrg ot. Eerw to oot hatt ot eth elziera orsyr ylno ’im tmena ouy ougyn y,ou uyo oplpee aer ’mi velo yorsr adn owh tath htru veer. I het ear nlyo isdk ,doog otuab oknw oluhhgat rzaa. Wsa eon dreceroev oag has moeh tath nad wef from fmor oru tisujn alrely no evmdo a aseyr. Gowrn z itlsl oru l(osa aalysw uol)d sey of htee’rs btu s’hse be oigng to glir snthig ’essh abyb a htiw tlo. Erwe you sraecd i owh ownk. Hwo hwo eht meit dna ihgstn bad sdeeem onwk got radk i ntyvergihe lal. Btu llsti seme ghsnit i ouldw yas sles sracde gtneyifirr haev i popeel mi’ wkno htta i kema. Hat’ts ont iogng w’ere tnimaey lviae nahegc ot nda nsoo lslit. Peslh i dceiibenlr ethn tkhni ’mi olwdu emor uoy yas azeiler uoy rehgnia. Hatt hree eedden ludwo my dlwuo inegb tub oyu veen a to atnw ot ,fo i i i rudop atth be uoy rfo fo merbmree in ywa dopur veli ielf em eb tkihn. Ehilw ton dna i edn oo”slhc, ebst wrsente lreyal od ddi he“t loev ,oelcleg in ew ’tis up. Asbeeuc t’is care gesrda are we we rae wehn usfft yellra agmznia uor otbau marst. I am say to ’mi lliw ilek i owh but i if tno wnok di’ evre ures. Of hten ti ltils it yuo na i aitp,n amkes an paphy latuac eoldv aposn,is asw tond’ btu i ntkhi htat ti meor seepac em. Is thta rlleay ifel nay the lduwo ryou be lal fo ealpc oot ruoy ovre kemas ti ntiigrw enetri so neess. Os we rtied tou we dna aeht nuofd ti chmu ttiignkn. ’sti ellh as aonnying. Ot ont im’ htru eahrc isth yuo reh muhc odwul ginog i who otu ot nkwo btu to ti rhae. Aerndsdunt hre itsll ym cbak us lief hrut ni tino adn lte to ’im hes ot yasw suefer i nitgyr. I admirer opsoth osmm ehr swa kooecfba c,neleytr eth tgo on hes. Hatt yrsro hes yuro im’ mcuh oevl nda os hre fo it uoy gvae eedrevds vnree. Aatllucy oru eht idd rteho dnefris orf a beak i bhyiardt i ecak edma ,ayd tbes. Shi i eodra duwol intkh nda enam mhi oyu si cj. Rou aethdr for which ,tae evor us gte abotu athes rlengdrfii het ernve ddi we. A eervy a ’its ndki iteedffrn do rof of we hiwch ewke t, jenocnisti yenoj rp!uresis( ew od !oy)b. Ktal lcuod kbac i hwsi i to go meit in dna uyo. Ouy egt gtinsh meda bertte ohhrtug ipemrso ti atht nad i. Are ’eoruy so atht ryaveeyd reteh ilfe eppleo in ot kucly rouy vhea nad uoy crhhsie htme. Were’ btu payph enatr’ ew tfcreep. You ohw tehn eehr i do’eulcv reve eabcuse tog idaemnig i velo mreo ouy ’uoery. Peek be n’dtdi ouy ondwlu’t if i iytgnr eerh. Kwno tderi os mesiseomt yuo swa we i that but oto pu i’dtdn iigvng meg,ittnp i vnee wonk. M’i i aysetd here ucaseeb ouy dan you love.
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