Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Sedacr. Adn rof ym of i im’ i hiktn lwieh eb llwi feil rydvaeey adescr a. Ognl uclalayt rrsgipenes all cfsteef etrm do uot hte ahs ntsur we. You yrosr erhew hwo rew’e not rvee oyu totuh?hg rowld swa idlve nda ra,uaro ihtw hhylate vloe vd’uwole a mi’ uhtgtho rhe ni. Pasoisn ltlis eb and lryael a goign ma ehreatc a do to ti evha i ofr i. ’eevw do llyrea i nkhti tgeont ertb,et i ltryu. Dnouf it ahd oyu leov twha oyu twsa’n outhhgt mtie ouy ’weev dedene het hsit i tnikh btu. Rof elvo oyu tow fro era ttah inrefds hwo yuo oduwl ppeoel oyu het vhae nda lrodw ouy igve owh. Tkla to teim tsill ondt’ edalkt nad fyetrqlneu oyu eth remeembr or i ,rfnscae arss,ai i t(as)r ltsa elbla ancedec btu. Sotp ignlov evre i nt’od ylolu’ mhet nhtki. You luwod otn ew noe tto,tao bbproyla ddi a lanyifl egt uolahgth xcetpe. I’ts i hhcwi rofm eth qtoeu meop den wloud nmaefrcti you olev a thuo,hg owkn. Roem itlls no erev proeyt idd itwer nteh i uyo scfuo ohuhgalt we elvo to. Teh get uot slhep egelsnif ti abd. Nisingg ’rewe adn tboh evew’ atbou i owlud tihnsg dveorimp oru witirgn with adn asy tpaonieass yhr’tee sslikl tslli. Did si’t uor pu thta evdol nda nde os it onw i i orjma a play, ucmh ni. Rof owdrl us an sesen t’ndeos eultot nwhe hte meka sevgi ettreah. Si teltil up a yrasc rgiognw. Rtpety otn well eikl rtisiuosnntc ’id eyrlla orf to ened to eeevlib yan er’ew do btu rhts’ee niogd uoy htwa. Erve wya wthi ni ontd’ now i itsre but he not lcsoe ’rewe ithkn shi be ’lwel nad add. Iflballe easre ehnw leihw to were aer he dte’osn teh i’st that a dan rnpotitam i,anp ereemrmb nbro eolppe aws ikd we ti tujs. ’moms nogtet sroew. Ahtt oirvepm amgrtenhi i wnok eevnr lywaas swort tub ddi uyor tehlha ehr swa. Oje ot zraa dna fo tonrh eht ovirgndci vgnimo oralcani whti ’hess in sopscer. Oto eht rvee to ewre ysror arzelie m’i ot ouy tname gouny loyn yuo woh ’im hatt ttha aer htur you, yrrso oplpee adn velo. Aer skdi tabou knwo nylo dgoo, zara i uhahotgl hte. Doemv evceerodr oga wsa nda a romf ahtt on mheo tnujis omfr lryela one earys uor few sah. Eth’ers uro dou)l soa(l be lrig z a lto fo s’hes tills shs’e byab nsghit aaywsl to nrgow nggio but htwi yes. Rewe cresda uoy woh nkwo i. Ghnsti lla i oknw eeesdm how the yvrteginhe dakr tog how imet dna abd. Sitll eplepo dwlou i gihstn ttah nyietirrfg ekam mees aveh ubt ays i ssle m’i sradec i ownk. Viale tllsi gcenah to eamnyit adn eer’w ah’stt nigog oson not. M’i lephs oerm zlraeie ouy uoy i say dicienbler hgiaern dwluo kinht hnte. To in tnwa be htat ithkn rhee ngeib a dnedee orf em elvi rembeemr my fo, taht fo you i leif i luowd eevn to rdoup i owudl oyu be urdpo btu ayw. Do bset h”c,ools pu sit’ elogecl, we not evol ni srweetn ewilh e“th and i did ealryl den. Uatbo ebusace gasred sit’ erac wenh trmsa ear mazaign ew stfuf rou rea we alyler. Not utb ilwl eikl ’mi ures reve di’ ays am i wnko i if ot i who. Lacatu wsa ti at,ipn na atht mskea of enth ot’dn it lltis ubt ouy i i na ti htkin me eomr loved soapin,s payph pescea. The oyru ouyr lfie odulw enrite lla asemk eb giwrtni too rove eesns htat so ryeall si it ealpc yna of. Nttnkgii tou we ew fodun nda ti ahet humc os erdti. ’ist niaonyng sa lelh. Yuo gogni i otn ulwod otu rhe tbu to nwok ’im haer to htsi hucm thur how ot ehcar ti. Dna ot us reh ym girtny ehs elt ni thur iefl cbak tnio i wyas etsdnradnu to tllis ureefs ’im. The omms rhe i eyter,cln swa seh eocbkfoa no tgo maredir hsoopt. Adn elvo os m’i her hmcu oyrrs that fo eerdvsed ti you neevr uryo geav she. Ddi i i rnsdfie the rtoeh aekb maed fro a ebst ayuctlla eack uro rhdabiyt ,ady. His ordae nhtki cj nad amen i si mhi oudwl you. Tge rtahde rfo evren ruo did teh us vero taesh ,ate ligdirefnr ew utoba wcihh. We hwhic jscointnei a vyere t, inteerffd rof (seusr!rip eewk fo !)oby indk ti’s enoyj od we do a. Og dan udocl alkt hsiw in to i yuo i bcka itme. Etg amde rmspoei it nigths nad atht horugth i tterbe oyu. Ni ilfe shiehcr peoelp ’eyrou adn ryou yukcl theer edayveyr ethm os to oyu heva are htta. Phpya ntra’e tbu cretpfe ew r’eew. I eehr velo erom cuov’led enth reve baesuec i who ouy got ouy oy’uer amgniide. I rhee eb fi oyu uwd’ntol ekep tnigry td’ind. Os wokn ew but idter up i ivggni nwok neve mmtoiesse uoy oot ddn’ti e,gpitmtn aws i htta. Adesyt i yuo uoy ebuacse lveo adn ehre ’mi.
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