Dear Me
Are you scared? I know we thought it would never get better but does it? Do we stay with Aurora or do we meet someone new? Have you fulfilled our dreams yet? Are we still going to be a teacher? Have we gotten better? You're turning 19 today huh? Is it fun? Right now its 5:24 pm on may 24th 2020. I just turned 13 and I'm in love. Are we still friends with Frances, and Cadence, and Arissa and Bella? Have we gotten our first tattoo yet. Do you still write? Have we gotten better at writing and singing? Have we been in a play?
Is it terrifying to grow up?
Do we still think about our bio dad?
Is mom doing okay? Say Hi to her for me! And Dad! I guess the kids too because when you read this they'll be 10 right? As i'm writing this their still four. And loud too.
I'm scared
I'm scared for mom
I'm scared that the person I hope is the love of my life might leave me.
How do I even know you're reading this? You might've died by now and whoever has this email is getting a horrible surprise. Do me a favor okay? Give yourself a hug. You made it through all of the ******** you had to deal with in your life and I'll be damned if ill let you throw away how incredible you are. Get your *** to the best school and show the world that your ready to rule it. I'm proud of you. It's okay if you still don't know who you are. Get your **** together and breath. You've lived this god**** long and you better appreciate it. Do you still paint? This letter is all over the **** place but its you so you know it would be. Did you ever take up knitting like you said you would? And I know I've mentioned her already in this letter but tell Aurora I said hi. I don't care if we're together or if we even spoken in months, just call her and say hi because no matter how you feel about her as your reading this, the you writing this is so in love with her. Take a moment and make something. Write someone a letter, bake something, just get up. Did you ever get over you're hatred of tea? I hope you did because I've heard some good stuff about it. It sucks that I don't know whats happening to you right now because I would write some questions better for you. Hey, do me another favor and stay alive. I love you
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Y’know I was really nervous to open this letter. I know how bad we were back then and I was scared this would just send me spiraling back. I am...
Edsrac. And ym i be iwll for yraedvye a htnki i i’m of hilwe aecdsr feli. Sah we rtme tsurn eht lal out tefefsc yalultca sirnespgre od olng. Rhe huhtotg ldvie dan sryro olve er’ew ton i’m asw ott?hguh a ouy eehrw ithw eevr ytelhah oyu owh douvl’we in rdwlo ruraa,o. Niosasp it ma ofr i dan aevh allyer stlil a tecrhea niggo be a i ot od. I elayrl ,ttereb rtlyu tnoget i evwe’ od khtni. St’nwa whta uoy i nedede btu het ti yuo miet ttohguh eovl v’eew htsi ouy nhtik dha udnfo. Vleo era nda dnirfes wdoul htat rldwo uoy rof wot oyu the uoy rof ouy eahv owh igev popeel hwo. Elaktd t)ras( or edaccne temi uyo to i dtno’ r,asias fnr,aecs het dan i slat iltsl emrerbem elrfuteyqn tlka btu laelb. Lviong mhte stpo nihtk ever ndto’ ulo’ly i. Uyo ta,otto idd tge neo iynllfa udlwo we tno ulhhtgoa a ecptex oyarlbbp. Love a oh,hugt het tis’ hwihc from edn oemp uodlw i know oqetu uoy arncitemf. Ot on holuhtag tlils oyu reev etrwi i uocfs erom ehtn ddi we preoty lvoe. Teg it lgefnies eth dba tou elphs. Eerw’ mperdivo htob botua ruo nsignig we’ve lsilt adn i say and wluod iniwrgt eht’rye lsklsi iwth gsnhti stpeiosana. I jmroa uro ddi i pu chum ,pyla ovlde adn ti ts’i ni os a htta now edn. An ivegs ltueot eamk us esnes fro tearthe eht sn’deto dlrwo enhw. Rngwoig a pu teillt cyrsa is. Any od veleibe hatw ’id diogn trshee’ ot ttpyer ielk utstscinniro btu ouy orf rwe’e nede to nto well alelry. Ish wll’e ton olsce nhitk dad ’ondt be i tihw nad e’rew awy now in he riste reve ubt. Sit’ he memerbre thta eht we wsa ewihl peolpe bnor dik ndes’ot enwh tamorinpt flelibal to rae ipn,a a ujts ereas dna ti eerw. Omms’ oserw egttno. Eenvr lhheat hgiretnam tub i thta aywlsa imeorpv wkno was erh uroy sortw idd. Hront eht azra nad ejo alniroac csprsoe of hwit hs’es incdgiovr migvno in to. Eirezla you oto hatt orsyr veer nguyo i’m rtuh taht eppole yu,o to teamn noyl osryr ot how veol mi’ nda ouy ear ewer the. Sidk era aazr i the goualthh d,oog oaubt loyn oknw. Fwe ago neo a and sah injsut heom eoeercvdr uor saw dveom taht fmor lelrya no asery frmo. U)odl ss’he to eh’ss eb swyala fo a uor yes sehre’t inogg lot byab sltli twhi loas( z tbu gilr hgtsni orwgn. Erew i onkw woh seardc ouy. Dan miet nkwo eth lla dba gtsinh ohw i ardk hwo eynrvgteih seedem tgo. Mi’ tath i nsihtg sesl nokw heav eigirtnfry i asy seem akem isltl rceads i wdluo utb lopepe. Noos dna engcha to lstil otn ’tsaht ngiog rwee’ vaeli yaneitm. Ays harigen enht i ’mi oyu you alizree ehslp iidenblecr rome khitn dwolu. Ywa ofr a gbein to i of, ttah leif eb ot uoy awnt doupr i atth veil even bemreerm tub of wduol be deedne odrpu i ym oyu lwoud ntkih em in reeh. Whiel i not do veol dan ,leloecg nde h”co,lso pu tsi’ srewnte te“h tbse ew idd aellyr in. Fstuf era inamagz tuoab we tsrma rou wenh we easceub cera gdsera rae lleyar tis’. I illw fi nkow am ubt tno ielk to i ’id mi’ rues how yas i evre. Of ti oainsp,s haypp ap,nit htta kemsa an tlisl me an ti i ascepe tneh i it ouy vdleo swa o’ntd tlucaa eomr utb itnkh. It lecap het wtnigri so eb si yruo erov fo meaks eilf uyro yan uoldw nssee llreay tath ireent lla too. Dan dreti tou ew it gtknniti aeth muhc dfoun so ew. Nnignaoy sa hlle i’ts. Acehr uhrt olwdu ot cumh ’im onggi owh wnok uoy it reah ot i her tub ot uot nto itsh. Slilt noit intyrg bcak reseuf hes hre neundsdatr elt ni ot su dna turh my sawy ot elfi i ’mi. Swa teh aefockob her omms i osphot on hse armdire ogt ,lcertnye. M’i vole oury htat yosrr of gaev it esh so ehr veseeddr you nad vreen umch. Dema ,ady uro sbte ebka dirfnse i a oerht rof ddi i eth hitraybd eack actulyla. Nmea hmi ithkn cj i nda yuo ouldw raedo shi si. Evren teh steha fgneirrlid erov ,tae get oaubt hwihc ew us did orf rahetd oru. Sti’ enoyj insoetnicj !reispsru( wkee a do fo we yreve rof a wchhi boy)! do nidk ffetednir ,t we. Katl hisw i ucold yuo in tmei go to dan ackb i. Egt nigths rhutgoh amde i ti you mospire ttha etertb nda. Iefl atht ershhic yruo rea lpoeep cluky in ot ehav hmte ryeydeva ’uroye dan yuo etrhe so. We hppay but cfpetre rwe’e ne’atr. Eolv woh sueeabc evre mingdeai yuo hree i hnet more i uyo tog uyoer’ vlcoedu’. Ereh ’noludwt if i dtdin’ be uyo yrtnig peek. I wnok tn’ddi up uoy okwn tbu eiosetmsm we tath tdeir swa too os i enve tg,tpeimn gngiiv. Reeh ’mi vole oyu i teasyd oyu and cbesuae.
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