Dear FutureMe,
are you happy now? do you wake up feeling like there is a reason for you to be awake and alive? have you found love in a person, a friend, family, are you in love? have you recovered from your eating disorders and is your anxiety any less? do you eat food and not question it? did you ever tell your parents that you're struggling? how's coryn and what happened with the boys? is chaos still healthy? is your mom and your relationship any better? when did corona stop controlling your life? hows high school, did you make freshman year memorable? how often do you smoke now? did you lose interest in school, did you lose your faith in your success? did somebody break your heart this year? are you over drake still? did you ever get to kiss jack or have you kissed somebody and really meant it? are you okay? i hope you love life. - mena :)
Epilogue
about 5 years later
hi mena. i am happy for the most part. i definitely wake up with purpose - i wouldn't say i 100% feel alive yet though. i have found lots of...
Elvo anliegufnm i when vree rmeo of dan a lwdor adh ahtn i this ddseireovc yantgnih is lvo,e felt iev iugnnee that tleter etorw. Lewl vloe, sa i ni ma. Amred you nda ta lvoe konw me who weher i a woh eastl i eb twha cna ehav leik esnpro kaem htgaut d'nto ned ti nac foudn ubt hsa 'ltli ,pu. Am can ,eb titddmae abd elaryl ohw omm atbuo i haev and ot dda tpyehar and my tub i tieyanx eshotn rneev tihgsn anbeg. Ngsfilee hagrins ondt' hety otn laso ellw, hety mtiamnuocce did ym erterg but make em. I syetolhn hwo si on aehv deia rynoc. Dna evnre a 'iev nd'ot aesr,y to spenko i wot lkdienerd rhe ohooerspm ey,ra in inthk dnirsipfhe rftae ew. Athw adn vnee nwe enidfde atth i i n'dtdi hwo ma onw ftear i they i etm oknw wneh reotw ppeole ihts aer woh. Hgnu "ybos rveen ocran)o i and iht ti tou that igana frtea cidov dallce i eht" zcyr(a. Ethy opp owh fe,il uhogth to in pu iducnenot sti ynnuf ym. Onw my teta balce etmoam,ro gadint noha ttenba ea,cf yruo prom etnw to arteted yuo gshna woh htwi het but adn irbyoed,fn sa ihtw eyth my si tl)lsi no nwo wetn ot ofr all nt(o tou imte keledn opladeiozg. Hatt shit it n'tddi rowet hte ohsca emka uoy mresmu ptas. ,him kile earomyn i osdg i msis on'td lsitl but. Eht ti dan i sued rveo sti humc omm to ahtw pomiverd lkei my os remember radh eb ar,esy ot. ,now etsulsgrg ads hwo ucmh smkae ubt it esh em ustj. Kaesm how hes ot ti i a taht ntaw is asd fo eb enrev loemd em. Iemrsome otn ogdo oer,bmlaem ighh mrfo do aws aevh ayer ahnmfers iacylrnet i hsolco tbu. Nniunrg ale,t rac ou,etskam rtuhogh out pcalelilbk lpyaign nthgis ifdels dna. Ithw sriednn eht nrtku of ni hte snssuet dan igna uruasb. Oleupas no resvid the. Also a to neog atth now ubt ofmr far of mi i deeirpl snreoo whsi this dcuesk so i tl,o ti ti nda ahd. Enohug nufyn im n'dot gaain i tgarints utb ta kesmo a,ll isgiedonrcn. I u,oixnsa lilst ayw adn but ervo - ist mi fodo tills ayw, orryw rteetb. On lgrnoe dyas my it catietds. Ftaih i emksa nto a nad tghorhu ttah in durpo osle otgufh i ddi me wya usscsec shcolo in ym. Gto o,f nda paidsoccmleh i wehre tghnis i evha gtaer i to daeedmr. To awht ysa it fo i ubt if tebs ddi tis gitrh nay aws nvgie doucl tub wno i dhra ewnk - het ecioch eht i. It my broenk ni eppahn sy'doonb hliw,ae ulnveeyatl ddi herat tub. Aetsdni setb in lfel rfooled 'yodu sgskini ienfdr tbu oyu tath of ot sih eb ,cajk ateulosbly lvoe tiwh knwo. It ilef slypa idnt'd el,wl tuo end utb htt'sa rayell hwo nunyf. Ym nac i utcrrne siks i dyiornfeb hvneweer. In yalasw ofr pohde se'h what a i to ugy em bene. Olve lgdiiunb i'm d'ont oelv o,wn i'm i utb rhwee tawh at i. .
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