A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Os itllet llist itwh resds my tgo i morp ot arew onw ym fnsrdei. Kneat ogt etpursci nad ritehyevng. I we adn oru niecs eteihr ot to adn alos go in tgo ktane laeb ewetnr’ agardtouni pcas owngs ecsurtpi my nfdisre radg. Si a signel yaer aveh in vpleoeesr uciiorsudl dah chhiw vreo i inkda one. Ktal am i btoau how dfnou my to i rhaitepts to lal smeorbpl vhae a adn dsa. To ehs abck me ymfels rigbn nipgho nca m’i gbnei. Ldowr thgir the etiuq acsyr si onw. Eplope maltos ksaet eno eht het erov osmvie neeyitvhrg ’ist rlneolbie stheo dan heerw fo a liek eonretgnvm ttrsa. Injo ifentlidey i thta lal i liwl nwko ttha reelnolbi si. Ldia a lgeea i iaemnrca im’ yuenrctlr oriplmratye tbu ithrd won owkr of eebasuc at off ndkolowc. M’i ni emsepbert ginog geeolcl ot. Roem eb ennoil ntah ykleli aagni wlli uuotyeflnrnta. Grapiyn ifsrt em it reyral raye odgo ebla yawa aws rebfeo prlobayb neht inon)el ym nda bceause ryameno n’rewet lctyaalu (tyhe tath iwll emvo ot mi’ ot mrusem tshi eb tkla efdsirn. Snirdfe akem oslhco leab ma xteecdi desiceren ta enw ’mi if i to is htat ot otin tghho,u move. .
My 91 tbu am rsfti i i oll iededn aemn adh nto ikss dna veha. . . . Ovcdi’s ts’i atluf. Hte tusj gnaltki cultayal for venre tnihk a erom yug iestdetren lzipooage ilfe he up lloysw tbu oogd me dnaki oogd i ogod boy ,ti meor sygu, tub doetpsp and hhcwi suby i ogt i os pstue ot hsi was nda dened ni a tahst’ ma ot eh andik tbauo sattder he e,m teg ggohitsn ssgeu hichw i eh ddi het i buacees tkgnila. .
Fo a ym tols uidpst tsom of rfo few i sserano teh clyreetn idefrsn. Nda rtweaehv bigrn rewe ietm they rfo ejanmtluegd hatc i i wsa ongwr ym tocrdenofn hety ni rngwo hmte dna atth ehtm tmhe and rac ldtau ointrcfgonn na nad i ealoldw aws ti nitlakg ideddce seotrh ot dais hwo ttha ot eht nda tey cyrlpocahiti wetne’r in escubae an so was it eyht was beucase nda oatub nad 81 bouat scaepl esnratp ont hte iehwl yonl yver ubt i hety ltesmevhes ’mi em was alutd ginirogn ta rwee i rehti gorup. Rscew tehm. Yanywa hyeetr’ tixco. Ehmt ysa i i thaygnin rmeo od doulc soulhd olt but vciil adn atuob otn eb a. Bokledc reew gothhu so me vleo yht(e dan reautmim a)tth i.
Rylale nnircateu iltls os it si iefl dan csksu. Cnt’a we ayhngnti do. Ritp slilt gdar ym is dclnecela. Nferdu us teorncc het neev gte ew ti dna veig yhet eotopdnps brroed cssro gothuh n’cat ym wt’on irfts ever a to to wsa csaipyhlyl. .
Egssu i ahtst’ it w,ayany. .
.
Loe,v fmsyel.

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