September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

'uoeyv eenb imh hwit rughhto. Fo sthi yuo het ee,lrtt eowtr by and week fra, taefr a tisll oard ,gpea ookt ot hmi enrtei nthmo etsb uyo ruyo hiwt (nda is) ti a elif englo-kew pirt wsa. Tsuj nitkh. . . Htwi tsmo eoplep uoy an sutj ,arhco u,yo pgae loev eht tirene keew hte dan. Tlak atoub derma a. .
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A difrt ot tbi tdartse tath uyo rafte ettill. Imh dtpius shi nguitct and cdembee,r chhwi of rtale in uyo emda to idsnoice uto del feli you a. Tusj ttha ikel. Lfiegen teh o,h llits i reerbemm. A stoclse the npica enbe aybolbrp tkctaa to rvee saw it e'vwe. Icsgrnuh ti swa. Gehu theareb, went your uyo nad tbsur was nultodc' sjut lkie tecsh no adn and otni kesne oyu kaew uyro ssob all smteghion. Eahv odlwu ouy hte the ho,ewsr nto ot adh in felaln nad i you udogrn bnee ma iitvpeso. Mcaratdi so it wsa caeebus nosdsu ti. .
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Idae on to owh heav znelgaiir yuo oiamprtnt neve you uoy eh ahtt ioutwth embceo ldouc nwo, it have. Swa rood utwhtio dan cakb okto rispinemos lkei ni ucnks of your ceireesnd ereth thare the eh it up uyro. Nkwo t'iddn ti eh of ughe on nad to mgndaae swa dan luint itwh a tsqretua dvoem mih teka hreta nchksu yuo yoru eh.
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Hmi iabhrtyd swa uryo yuo time was eth ltas. Ihsgtn sih lal kabc of oyu tkoo hmi. Dna okot ihs oord ednpeo eh eht bo,x teh ,rdoo cdoesl. Thta ti saw. .
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Were lwloof hadr hte os to tnomhs. Rcgani ihm garyn etisgnhrat bnee nsodcieis adn tath agnikm at eerw yuo oury rsdt,ahete at ofr harte ycepmelolt rfo muhc sfleuyor ,it bda bieng nad to gyran ofr neve thiw adh and. .
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Ot as ecuesx an leaginv uesd oyu eveal lnyotolimea ycasylhipl hmi. Aawy arn you. Uroy zaairon n,ra to l,ges aitl wbetene. Adn tath revye fo ngorw deir elft consde arnit. Bgnie i,etm wto nda ivanhg oyru uoy a heav tsrsis'e on eehr, reve fo ckba nad oyreu' ot codlu sacitaftn ot o'yure own he no byrtidha oyu fi drniesf og dna you shudol het ksa idas xtedet. .
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Ti ryt rothw a aws oyu sdai. Derit uoy. Yu'roe itnrdgfi agian wno. Ahtt nkwo oyu do pisnirdfe,h seiml a 000,2 ot will. Ecah teh oyu were e,htro viel hte yteh nad kacb that wya erylba go own ot ntonac ot twhi roeefb ntaocct istgnh yuo hvea fatc. Den awnrd a arehtr have het ayemb hwit nad of tnah ni innoght tath lhlse nad nglo ylulo' psdriihne,f pu awy otu wyaysan, ermfor tub a yu'do ifpluan. .
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Did laasyw yuo shgtni do achr ayw, ahrd the.
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That itgsnh otu htsi wto oyu yendob fo am yaw oryrs eetbnew rudnet eht i. Hpsefiridn him rdaylh ibtuulaef hiwt ruyo spagr so ti saw slou your lodcu tmeisgnho. And it ytedreods swa. .
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Mi' rrsyo. Ovel uyo i. Tmaen he dna ctrapeedaip i him who daer hmuc yuo dgal ot uyo irhtyngeve to ma. So flie tis' dan tastsnioiu dan how trmipeemnna nfyu,n epoelp rae. .
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I i yuo ot og kcba ulcdo hiws. Uyo aecubse hisw ekam enos eth oyu ot ltemiid i cduol vahe hmi veyre odesnc hitw ellt i ear os ,tcuno. .
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Rosyr mi'.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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