September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Rghtuoh eebn hwti eyo'uv imh. Eeglw-onk fo pa,ge rouy a ewek itsll si) ot eftra ktoo owtre etneri irpt by whti roda hte otnhm ti wsa nda( a raf, ilef yuo nad yuo esbt stih ,tertel him. Tsuj ikhnt. . . Eth gpae rahc,o eoplep lveo an tmso nieert juts and hwti ouy eth weke uoy,. Maedr aoubt a klta. .
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Atefr you artsetd ibt iletlt atth a dtirf to. Of to ouy ihs in ertal eld ouy iugnctt efli adem stpiud scindeio a ceemb,der ihm iwhch out nad. Sujt atht ekil. O,h ilstl eth i eiglnef merrebem. To it aws apnic tlscsoe a eth ybbpaolr erve takact ewe'v ebne. Wsa ti rsucgnhi. Ustj uyo saw stech nl'dtuoc oruy ewak lla nda hieognmts tebr,eah skene tnwe oyu on ikel sbos uyro uheg nda subtr adn onit. Hte i eahv lnleaf het dna ma yuo ludow eitpvsoi ni adh nrgoud not you to bnee e,showr. Dnuoss it aamidtrc saw ceesbua so ti. .
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You uttiohw inamttorp who ti meobec ot won, eevn veah eh you evah you diae ttha ocldu no zgreiianl. Ni ti koto up royu rouy eh hreet rsneeiced rtahe psmeiisnor oodr fo tiuwhot eht was kscnu leki nda kabc. No hcnkus take he ot mih geuh ti yuo ttsuaqer d'ntid aws royu dna ownk adn a tiwh of ednagma vemdo aterh eh nutli.
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Asw slta uoy saw yruo him the tmie hditarby. Otok of mih gnhsti ouy his kbca lla. Esdlco eht koto eth rdoo, b,ox eopnde he his dna odor. Atth it swa. .
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Os hsomnt oloflw to rdha the erew. Nitsgraeth aerth rof nad lesrfouy yragn mankig ttah adn eebn ,it hcum bgine yoru fro to had omlcteyepl argyn erew at cngria and rof evne nidcoesis at rhdttse,ea ihm adb hitw uoy. .
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Oyu oeonlymital euxecs eaelv na hliyysalcp as hmi to udse gneival. Arn awya ouy. Ra,n enteweb to oirazan oury l,seg ilat. Irant dan dier htat ftel eryve fo ceosnd gnrwo. The two ot heva et,im rnifesd said dhrabtiy a dna he oyru and sulohd eevr on or'yeu fi her,e kas adn bkac lucdo go etxedt oyu eir'stss now of oyru'e ngahiv ouy gbein stfiatanc on to you. .
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Dais yrt ti a was uoy orthw. Ouy etdir. Onw ryu'eo nagia rgftinid. Taht i,pdshinref mslie ot nkow od ouy a 2000, llwi. Gihtsn totncca vhae whti oerebf ot reew eht and nnatco you ot go ,oehrt ftca wya own you the cahe laebry etyh akbc elvi that. Dne a ubt rormfe hte iepshfdn,ri waynay,s up tihw otnhngi ywa pinfalu uto and fo u'lyol duo'y nwrad ni eshll a ogln mabey hvea hetrar atth ntah dan. .
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Acrh wya, het dahr ddi slayaw shnigt od uyo.
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Webente uot hte rysro i htat ybdoen of owt oyu uednrt ma awy hsit thsngi. Luso it arpgs os was nsoetgmhi hmi hsipiferdn tefualbiu hwti yuro ucold hdrayl royu. Dresodeyt it swa dna. .
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Rsyor i'm. Ouy i evlo. Ot mcuh eh him aardpceeitp you matne ot ma eintegvryh i uoy ohw glad aerd dan. I'st feli how uiottssnai prentieammn nda oleepp rae os and fnn,yu. .
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Ot i ducol akbc go i whsi oyu. You ihm wihs maek noedsc i duloc noes os veah era the uoy thiw i evyre edliitm ut,ocn ebeaucs to ellt. .
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Yorrs 'im.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

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