A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Oseg. .
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Ma,r reeh ifgnrerre uyro oen you rwee crssa all to, teh are on sltil hevewihrc. Taeh i ,amroersf nowd v'ie ym ebne oelepp hitucnog nrkebo littel slilt a ubt. I ofmr yclku nwo i at eerw emmestiso neisglfe tihs ahtt i vhea to teh am sl,moat i vahe feil os etnh sceesap nehw i nt'idd eth srmeaabsginr nda thkni fo sapt inpto sa read liyda kewn my ubt la,er taht ym. Lseymemni wndo 'vei i smgkon,i uct qiut ti ugahhlto ah'ntve. Notnrniemve i ym lony aeseubc lielfsyet is teh eaielthhr lniivg in am fo cetrlnyur. ,dasy semo dan iekl ormneay etceix s'ednot efle i me elfi istll. Eon jtus txne si ehpo abd eht it lcal etbtr,e si i adsy adn ulausyl nda hemt. .
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'tindd cakb adn i meodv emco waya. Kcuf, tta,h wtrene' i ecsua oyu cnpxegtie thikn abyme swat'n. A ayres, dan 4 cnigmo 4 uwodl soeruiysl wtah fi asw syera, less uyo ambye tnake elif iv'e aehv eenb yuo theos ellitt knew eerh. Yuo apseh srhduend vole nlda teh finserd emda duofn lnotuaindicon otyp,re to and dmea in of mradse ethm onagl dan fo fo ,teur ti wy,a the. ,ayres see itpr eth mte we so lla stpa in os dmae naym no pu plepeo erwe ytreencl disnfer erdeitffn os in 4 nmya ayhpp i i tihw ot ,eeuopr dna su i,cstouern hwo wtne a to. Os ew loevd rea. Wsa uoy nda ywaa teh repnos orngw avien in klwa llef oot lvoe to hiwt. Dgino all adn e,dwe fidn rsdug lduoc umhc kridingn imgonks ew ertstda teh oot. I'ev qiut all own atth. Enrve i btu tpu swa hwsi timmeesos nolse,s us ahtt it i odog ayrlle kcfu gohhrut a. Okto ot meti gnlo get days ot i grsgutel lstil am o,wn i and heerw eosm it cbak a. Atht fmor cetpca ot eilk us iev' het eietli,fm ahtt on slat flet to meco the ssrac hcmu sracs dad llwi a ecmo. Ithw ievl yaelrl yteh tge i reiase ophe to. .
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Uerdlib evlo ,si trfea oyu vene elhiw flle whti to ni hte ouy hiwt tath, file all ogdo meesoon you iedtr nda pu uory esnw tup. Ledik mtos or so etursrae etnomm oenspr atth unifgck on hwo ,oth si rfmo msooewh teh teh unfdo yuo lwdor oyu now hotna,er ,him oyu esey eth one dila nma yuo in. Tub agnlo oen enet'wr you ouy e,srtnaihiolp tnaingw a nwhe htsi cema 'seh ngaia, hpdepane rseiomp of neo a ti e,tmi i mteh gdoo rthnoea. Ons,els us fro ym rletna i. Rteebt hmi pratren e'llw ekep nda mtei for shti i i a clnd'uto aevh ksdea itnkh. .
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Adn extn i tse 'mi cpderle,a sum'm ggion ells ndee erh ycr uor ot ughal eh,om eayr ertrei dasd' cwihh os knee tuabo hes tdrneegipn etd'ons to o'dnt oohdlcidh and. Gao see mteh hyet erhtlgua nad tbho swa ersta sviti, trhee wehn a i orf a omnht caem nad idd. 'tahevn i olwdr 3 tseat wtih rae in eht fmro of mthe eth esne i moslta loghuhta ilrhtag eht r,eha reyas brhrseot waht. Othghu l'li be sono omeh. .
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Ilef su nordtetem has. And rtacdmai alyswa nda okya bene not aesy hastt' atmyelnl erew' hsnitg ta'nhev iatneol,yoml ubt ,elpeop. Ywa gisheth ltowse hte oru dna sroenp, ronwg and a logna had ee'wv ghhis os hucm swol sa. Clltauay ieldv we. Been has lfie fu,ll nad us odog sola ot. Sda each iasepn,ls otl tbeter hte are but a i onw ,smeiremo ton eht ssrrlpn,iyuig drtnesunda. 'im dign,o no i utb daei yayanw eijyognn isltl eahv htsi w'ree msitmeseo ahtw. Fo a teank tbi a adn ldan a hnsgooci a is won, fo fo ot dwon btu tsi' it the rhee olt eamsdr apht nda h,lpe ni tem,i mi' and ryopet, rfo etreh og erfutu. We ptar loegnr i,s tesb on teh lenao efel. .

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