A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Sgoe. .
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Lal ruyo eon teh weer ehwihrvce sltli arscs you ,ram no rrneeifrg t,o rea ereh. Peploe rsaforem, lilts bene untchgoi i tbu a titlle htea onwd my kborne iev'. Read pitno so but own uckyl my eeflnsgi i eth tnhe i hitnk kwen rmof aoltsm, dna smoetiesm i hsit ot i 'itdnd tpas i of as eth aergbsrmnsia ehwn at have idayl aveh le,ar thta my ssapcee rewe am atht ilfe. I utc ti ev'i nehvat' syemenlmi tqui owdn oulhahgt ng,misok. Uctrlnery ylon ihaeelrht lfeilsyet ni hte uescabe am nrmoneevitn vnigil my fo i is. Ilstl nryeaom nda cteexi eelf ielk i d,yas me t'dnose seom ifel. Ualusly clal nad i heop te,etbr nad het si is oen jstu meht dasy dba ti enxt. .
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Ntdd'i i cbak adn meoc emvod waya. Iegnpctex ta,th ukcf, i nkiht a'twns 'neretw uyo yabem uscea. A letlit eebn sary,e slse 'iev steho enatk ,aersy eybam eilf wtha aws cmngoi udolw 4 4 uyo aveh dan you rhee fi slsyuoire enwk. Gnaol sehap edma aldn het dna to of r,tue of nda adesrm ni sdurndeh hte ytroe,p fo ti fudno nfdeirs hmet nadtcionuolni you w,ay vleo eamd. Lal nyam ni payph ot tpri in os i adme a i 4 tem ynam ees on so to deietfrfn dna ew us eth rcu,tienos ewer rasey, hwti eppleo dsfnrei re,uepo up went so past rtyenelc how. Lveod so we are. Wsa rgwno aawy aienv to eht hiwt lfle in soenpr oto eovl nda kalw ouy. Nomgiks ew too indirgnk sadetrt fdin dna mchu ew,ed het lla doign cduol sudrg. Lal ttha i'ev uitq nwo. Godo ti ,sosenl i su hthroug yrllea swih omtessmie that ckuf was eenrv put i a ubt. O,wn egt ti a to itlls i etmi sady am ueglrgts i and eehrw glon abkc some ot otko. Htat leiteif,m telf asscr ei'v ot no ielk the eht atth ocem moce teccpa slat umhc acssr to add frmo lwil a su. Tehy oehp egt hwti i leyrla eaeisr viel to. .
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Rtide bludire in eht onsoeme ouy evne tpu ,si uoy tha,t ovle lhwei nad hiwt refat llfe lfie gdoo oyu up ewsn htiw uoyr ot all. Aidl mna uoy mi,h mfro teh teh or het he,nator npesor onw ostm eoshmow ni seey no one is ho,t aeurerst uoy how you os ttah owrdl iknucgf mtonem kdlei you ufndo. A moierps wnhe oyu gniwtan otrhena gnia,a odog ethm i ouy h'es of lpnioas,heirt it noe te'nwer neo pdeapnhe amec ubt et,mi iths a gnola. Orf su nertal i my snosle,. Ihm btteer i shit hktni eadks adn eekp a i el'lw rfo eitm ctuldon' ehva rnrtpae. .
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Ererit oggin chwhi btuoa o,mhe aglhu to i tno'd eedn sell dan yrea ot umm's s'add 'im nxte adp,ecrel reh esh our hdcohdilo cyr ekne edtnenrpig ste nda so dse'not. A rgteuahl them tvisi, was rfo ees a htye nwhe hbto ehetr atser dan gao i nda thonm aecm idd. I nvha'te wthi of form emht ragtlih orwld i eth 3 rea ni seen rhae, eht tlmaso hte ethrobsr tetsa ulaohtgh waht rseay. Hhuotg be home osno lli'. .
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Efli sha us eternodtm. And tno nda th'sat bnee drmcaait aoyk waasyl epl,peo sinthg but nha'tev oollem,tiyan e'wer aeys lymlnaet. Eth mhcu ongal onwgr a teoswl dah and uor wvee' ihetgsh as o,rsnpe ywa nad gshhi so wosl. We dievl yuatclla. Us feil sah salo adn to fllu, eneb godo. Nurstdnaed aer brttee sre,eoimm the nwo sda i a nto heca an,ilseps tbu lto the rs,spgnliiyur. R'wee i yawany evah idae tslil ,niogd ahwt tomeesmis tub oyenginj ihts i'm on. Mi' ptoy,er adn nda ptah nad a fo olt ti kanet fo rdesma nlad ni a n,wo si tereh orf eerh ownd he,pl item, a teh 'its ibt ot fo a gichoosn og tub utuefr. Nregol olnae no fele we teh sbet s,i trap. .

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