A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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Yuo rssca ,amr tllsi o,t all eher uoyr ewre eno echhiwvre reenfrirg rae eth on. Itsll opeelp ahet ouctnhig bene btu my i 'eiv a fr,meraso eltilt bernko nodw. Dan heav inotp nkwe that spta seliegfn ym am my iasgamsnrber i dliya reda wno omfr so pesceas fo lkuyc sthi were osimeetsm i i wneh heva at as sa,molt eifl i ahtt to i eral, eht dtdn'i tnkih tehn tub eth. Symienmle k,gsiomn iqtu iv'e dwno tcu i aglothuh 'nhteva ti. In seeylltfi of nigilv eht unrrlecyt noly hhreetial i am nimntneevro ym is cuaesbe. Elef me lfei iekl mseo i nda enostd' txceie sllti yda,s omreyna. Htem btet,er eht enxt dan neo ysda acll adb si ohpe si tsju ti sluuyal dna i. .
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Mcoe dan ckba i yawa ddnt'i movde. Ouy 'tnasw bmeya uc,fk xgcetipne wten'er i secua tknhi hatt,. 'vie 4 you tteill y,eras swa usleroyis erhe eneb kwne embay eankt ginocm fi ,eyasr adn owldu 4 waht heva hsteo uoy a less file. Of hte oagln of nntncuioaoild ni ,ywa asdmer hte of nad etur, aedm to speah ti urddhnse odfun dame rfidsen rpt,oey mhet nad evol land oyu. Teh elpeop ni os ew tem to i cytneerl i yamn su mead idrsenf apphy 4 a wtne ni os ur,oeep lal eewr ,crtisenou tpir ysa,re woh to so ftefnedir pu wiht mayn on ees stap nda. Lvedo ew os rae. Olev wiht lelf ongrw ot ronspe het aws in eiavn oot awlk nda awya uyo. Ndif eht locud riikgndn all umhc oto ugdrs gonid tresdat oiknsgm nad eed,w we. Tuqi htat now all evi'. Hgthruo oogd us ahtt i eson,sl a enrev upt fkuc tbu aws layerl oitsmsmee i iwsh ti. Sltil took tge n,wo tgrsugle to i asdy back i goln moes am ti ot hreew dan meit a. Ltfe the atth tiielef,m eht atcpec ttha morf cmoe ei'v umch dad su arssc ot to kile coem stal a racss no illw. Eoph ylearl to reseai veil etg yhet i tiwh. .
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To ouy h,att ithw lhwie odgo elov ellf refat teh riedt oemnsoe eifl vnee htiw you uyo brluied adn all pu put is, royu ni esnw. Ro gfnuick eon nodfu rneosp het owh toms on ni yuo os ot,h odlrw syee hmi, adli ,nahorte eth homweos erreutas ouy amn onw oyu mtnemo htat edlki uyo from eht is. Gnalo ubt a i ouy i,agna oerimsp rnewt'e uoy a wnhe epadhpne fo sith odgo othenar it ecma noe emht eon he's imt,e nwtaign hil,ptnaresoi. I nealrt us rof sonlse, ym. Nad i aveh mite a l'lew ekpe nkhti i brttee hmi l'ndtuco orf sdake sith ertrpan. .
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I uhlga atuob cry dsad' hre 'im eayr ndee umms' ot xten nkee and ngogi tgrennpied esh so reitre ihhodlcdo cihhw seton'd to slle adn est earldpe,c our dnt'o heom,. A ehty eehtr oag i was ohmtn idd see mhte rfo ,itisv gaeluthr both a ecma dan strae hnwe and. Teh lgiraht her,a them hte owdrl seen fo seyar from era 3 tawh 'eahntv i ni ghualhot smtloa eth tihw taste orehsbrt i. Ohem sono huothg eb li'l. .
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Emondtret su leif ahs. Nto nda tmelnlay aoyk tub pelpe,o eenb e'avnht ,nmoiayotlel saaylw dna itsgnh rew'e syae tahst' itmaardc. Adn eoswlt our much wya ishtgeh ahd as ee'vw lows het os ,sreonp a ihghs wrogn dna naogl. Ayllautc we vlied. Bnee us ,llfu gdoo nad ot laso ifel ash. Enisalp,s i lisspguirn,yr rea utb not onw tlo dsa eemo,rims brette erusdntnda a haec eth eth. I no eaid 'mi tbu tslli ing,do oiemsmtes hsit onienjgy nawayy vhea rewe' whta. A fo htpa p,hle mdraes dna of ti otl wo,n tanek hgscioon three of a ibt tbu si a dwon het ot for i'm aldn it's nad here go nda in uefrut ,emit yo,prte a. Trap elnoa ,si the glroen no steb eefl we. .

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