A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Egso. .
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Lal ear reeh eno uoy stlil uyro hte rnrgrifee erwe on ot, ehvrheicw ,ram asrsc. Itlls i ubt ym oe,mfrras a bonrke been 'ive eaht odnw eppleo ltielt thuigcon. Tath rfom won ader hvae feliesgn feli my i ot i i itsh tath os lucky i btu i isesaagrbrmn kwen idayl spta itndd' hwen het ethn a,ler ta iontp cpeasse dan eahv of sml,ato eewr ym het sa kithn ma smmioeest. Ti tuc qitu 'hatenv gatuohhl i ie'v smi,gkno mnslmieye wdno. Nyol my in cueesba is het vngiil hhetiarle minortnenev ltncerryu iyteleslf am i of. Me 'etsdon semo texeci listl ,ydsa dna yrnmaeo keli lfei leef i. It teh dan tujs nda heop dsay si bda teert,b clal luayusl oen ehtm si i nxte. .
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I t'ndid mdove and omec akbc aawy. ,fukc wta'ns peenxcgit tth,a reew'nt asuec i thkin yuo bmeay. Seyar, gcionm eifl syeolsiur a ahtw eenb knwe sa,rey oyu mbaey eerh dan oyu fi 'iev uwdol 4 tlltei 4 elss teank vhea saw tseho. Ot etmh dan hursddne fo alnd of the yoret,p ,true in dmae ouy ti ndtnclioonaui gaoln nda hte dema wya, dofnu haesp eirsfdn eolv fo resamd. I ot all to nmay a refinsd firtfende neycrtle ymna rpoe,ue os yphap so su we entw no hwo mte i thwi eppeol ye,ars astp ni irtcseu,no teh pirt see os emda up rewe 4 and ni. Era os we lodve. Efll wngro aawy ouy teh oto was soernp lawk in ot voel vnaie hwit dna. Stdtear humc lal rgndniik we ugsdr nda fnid gnkoims oto eed,w het dgnio duloc. Atht now vie' all qtiu. Iwsh etismomes eyrall put it tbu us gdoo ,lenoss verne ttha ukfc i a i guothhr aws. Temi ydas i tge ot oems ckab i am gselrgut rweeh nad olng it now, a ktoo sillt to. Mceo tlsa eflt to add illw iv'e to het teh su klei mofr eocm hmcu eiflimte, asrcs no sarsc htat ctepca htta a. Tyhe ithw to heop etg laylre earsie evli i. .
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,si vnee ihwt wlhie redti yuo eht utp deiblru to lla you whit ogod ovle wsen uoyr t,aht lfel osoemen feil up ouy adn in efart. Nma no yuo orwld you hwo os kcugnif sarereut htat dilek to,h ilda eon eth mrfo in is eht seey nwo nroeah,t ,mhi mnmtoe or eth uoy odufn mhweoso neorsp oyu smot. Nertoha aniga, aolgn oyu nw'erte it thsi ,itme hdpneape uyo h'es srpemio itl,phoanrsie fo ogod ubt i neo mthe ehwn wnaitng a ceam a neo. Us tlnear sl,oens for i my. A tihs 'wlle deksa tmie rfo i haev kpee hmi rrapnte adn i tteerb hnkit dltun'oc. .
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Eenk ubato mhoe, ruo to yera td'no esh ycr ot dd'sa tenx adn esll 'mi ertrie nede hhciw osd'net dan dpgietrnen ste sum'm iodhdochl so rc,eadepl i rhe luahg inogg. I,sitv i nda ddi a mhotn tsera athglrue btoh wsa ees fro dna ehrte ehtm cmae a newh tehy oga. 3 olrwd awht ersya i rhea, ehmt ttaes seen with vtahn'e morf somlat het era oshrbter the of tlahgir i the ni guaohlht. Ouhhtg snoo eb meoh ll'i. .
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Eilf us dtoemernt hsa. ,yealomltoni btu vh'tnea mraitcad bnee dna astt'h ploep,e ont weer' tellyman tihgns aoky and aeys wylsaa. Wols dan eth mcuh oru olgan hihgs hsghtei nad vee'w sa ps,reno a ahd nogwr way so wlesot. We deivl tuaylalc. Eneb adn uf,ll sah oals su dgoo ot feil. I ehac nwo etrbte entandudrs ubt peina,sls ear hte lto nto a das teh n,isupisylrgr mrmi,eose. Siltl yaanwy igyjnoen e'rwe eeitmosms this tawh ubt i gid,on 'mi idea avhe no. ,ytpeor ot of ist' path a fo nad nw,o ti si reteh og ubt tkean erutuf wdon a of dlna nda bit hree cinohgso e,plh in 'mi mredas olt eht a nda rfo a ,etim. Tpra no het lefe olegrn sbet ew naole i,s. .

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