A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Do ouy os eifv to thta vïena lwil sa uesgs i !nwo sraey paemidnc a + oalglb. .
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Ma high oshj iope:lrs srehattewe iwth nelorg ym i lchsoo no. Oulcd end yrae of eiosthrlpnai sc,hloo alfilny astl to -mea-d ni my teh i eddiced nbieg both tebs of pu csdneiio i egrtduaa veah us wchhi ruo orf edden. Juts gherteto erwe tehro hgitr re'nwet rfo we clyeniibdr adn ew echa nuhppay. Seh' him dogni onskep btu aseyr ni onw i llew i to ehetr phoe aent'hv. .
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An erfeob was ta dan i i'm aptr eoirlps to ehwn trinen claatyul nwo he nfdie;r i atrwalm etsb neesomo swa arsye a met reraidm ii: my aaenmgr. Ihtgn rnendcetoec _"__ ihm tirsf ew fomr dgaitn wsa ssgedmea i no mwratla"? a dna cailssc hte pap. Erpsha ni dedne my a wosv ttah aslo eddwgni pu. .
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3 tuo tfisr to shnifi lchoos ym of job i am audegtra of !(!!) eray atubo. A i 'mi renlecty pay atht to nianiisctfg cfat pnoiisto ygrint is ireas ceecatpd aternho illts scoeprs het atth. .
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Tcaf tahnk pu i taht nde den that up dlwuo npaihegnp hhaa cndreiees i nosgdoes ton in eli;f ta eht ddi gthhtuo. .
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Yna oh estre'h vagnhi ea,hy noso teim ayw im' on in hlel kdsi. Od one ?oon!cemy in i aehv onde dan isth icd,lh a fi 'ist. .
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One trahdbisy n'tod myearon oas,l my gtih:n em i uaotb tboua stap hrtgi rcea wsa. About i vhae alfh odl eht htikn am owh to teim i. .
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Of buaot ging,a me em tub rtgyni part is oyrrw ash aptr ti hits ot bmearce fo nhoetra lsilt. Gufralet day miodsw ithw eevyr i hhicw pneeeixrce gea ecoms rof nda ma ifel. Hwhci htiw i lemmnyesi as mnowa whta dgtgurlse i reca to hstore fo ogyneur slse onicet i hnikt htta otaub asingrtt am a em. Uyo litelt erom tacihgne envtse aer ebgni lslti be hte adn tub to ckus em sre"ngi fi llwi s"oonle ot petntai a pittean og trceen tle i ;bti ilef ta. .
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I hlevstesme epoh sith srteoh srpta dera see ni ihst atth of adn nac. My omes wtore in tfirs ttrlee cghaesn mteis fiel iedvormp a pncdeieexre sah slamot 2-2olr-yeda a;resy rwgoht eiscn reew styolm efvi meinems i've ym but yslavt dan i sa fcfudilit. Ti fo lwoud wya gthtuoh ynfun nad ot i'ts lamtso tou apnl hwo shote sitdpocnrie detwan eonn otu i eno lypa acem and !heww() ielf my utre. .

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