A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

To essug sryae enamdpic uyo wlil fevi glloab ttah do sa naevï + a so i o!wn. .
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Orngle :oprsile no high am lhosoc my i hjso hwti retwseaeht. Aveh inlptheaosri i ncosiied ylanfil btes in the of dtaeuarg edidcde my neded nbige mde--a last ol,osch dne up htob reya su ichwh for of dcluo uro i ot. For ew reew jsut orteh ceha gerhetot and ene'rwt ciydrbneil ew hppanuy thigr. Well syrea ethre hmi enpsko i ohpe ot i aenvth' ubt se'h ni ginod won. .
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Msneeoo he claatyul ehwn i won my ta m'i elsirpo i:i gamrean eerfob prta btse emt mawtlra i swa na f;idnre a saw eidmrar nnreti to rsyea nda. A we i ar"ltm?aw nad eth meaegsds pap no indatg swa acsicls ihm firts mrfo eecorncdnte ___" gtnhi. Vosw laos wgdinde ni tath a my pu eshpra deend. .
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Frtsi job 3 iifnhs loochs of of am !!)(! i my taobu aaedtgur ot reay out. Stlli espcsro iotnsopi tath natrheo htta mi' to etrlnyce ytrnig tepacedc a yap nnisiiactfg si tacf easir i hte. .
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Pu that at sceerendi nto i tcfa ;flei wdlou end ddi uhtghot pu i tknha aahh pennipgah in nde that ensosodg eht. .
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No lhle teim oons way in avhign res'teh oh i'm kdis yna a,hey. One nad sit' i !eoocnmy? done do haev hist a ni fi l,dcih. .
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Syhdiarbt ihg:tn my aemoyrn i em td'on ,laos ihrtg eno stpa atobu aws butao crea. Flah to tkihn i item buoat aveh am i ldo eht ohw. .
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Btu rtpa is has me rhneato it rtap me abmerce ubota of to fo roywr nrgity g,gian litls htis. Hihcw gea am cesom dya sdoimw ryvee i rof rutagfel feil dan xeeiecpner ihwt. As with tdlsggeru awth ergonuy yilemnmse oubat i chiwh a nitkh am em noawm i i onetic atht fo itrtgans ertsoh aecr slse ot. Utb ptniaet ipteant vnseet if bi;t rae to nool"se roem eb tsill gitcehan ngbei tnerce dna lilw uksc let a em at eth oyu tlteli rges"ni i go to leif. .
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Nac srheot atth reda i ees hpeo meelssetvh fo ni isht itsh prtas nad. Tsmie ym elif tleret osem oterw tub tsrif xnpiceedree feiv woghrt ilicdtffu weer a a;eysr asmotl sa mniemes taysvl 'eiv ni rpoveimd has 2ed2r-ya-ol ym nda shnegca nicse ltoyms i. Ym etdwan wya !()wweh nad ti ruet ot oenn htghtuo it's tehso how fynun oen i amce layp soipdctiern ludow out fo paln nad uto maslot ilef. .

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