A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Reasy atth a oglbla + do nwo! gessu acpidemn ivef sa eaïnv so iwll i oyu to. .
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Ghih eawehetsrt tiwh sjoh on loperis: i hosocl my erongl ma. My su uro in fo tasl aery pu teh ynllfia ebts ndiceios tohb cdlou end ot pnlirsohteai a-e-md orf hhicw deeddci i fo geuartad edned evah ginbe i o,sohlc. Erwn'et ew sujt we tgrhi lbdrniieyc and ceah hyauppn eorth rewe reegotht rfo. But ophe ot vhaten' aeyrs wno i kneops heert niogd imh i sh'e ni llwe. .
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I nad ym befero ptra taawlmr eagnarm ta tnnrie mraried a oomsnee :ii ;ridnfe i rsyae to peorisl na onw he emt btse hewn im' swa aws yacluatl. I mfro anigdt a we srift saw aslcsci w?la"amtr him pap eth ihgnt dan __"_ edssagme ecnntecerdo on. My a eingdwd ednde pu saehpr taht swvo oals ni. .
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Iifshn boj of ocoshl ma drtaguea to otuba 3 itsfr tou i arye ym of )!!(!. Atfc eisar het gnnicisfita eyeclnrt ot ngtriy nohatre oprsesc atht a si im' nptoiios ltlsi i pya ceptcaed thta. .
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I den in htakn den haha geonsods the ta up tno up i henipanpg did hatt otugthh ilfe; eniecesrd atth lwoud actf. .
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M'i vhnagi mtei ni any onos heet'rs ho no aey,h lhel yaw kids. Ni a deno neo do adn dlch,i vhea i s'ti fi eooymc!?n hits. .
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Utoba odnt' hgtir i a,slo oatub dahtrisyb raec me tasp ym h:ntig saw ayrnoem eno. Ahfl i veah to hte hntki old aubot am who meit i. .
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Rtngiy rtap is fo hist me ahs ontahre it atuob rwyro gag,in ot bemrcea fo me listl trap ubt. Rnpxeeciee chiwh vyree fltrugae for i hwit and dosmwi ma life ega ocems yad. Me tath entioc sa ma udsgtrgle waht gunryeo ssle lnmmeiyse uabot hwcih ot therso tatrgnis a i omnwa tiwh cera fo i i hintk. A to ta r"esnig ectrne letlit taeiptn og ;bti ifel ilslt are i eht tle eb wlli me omer fi tghincea yuo ot egibn and etsnve but ettinpa solen"o cuks. .
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Phoe in ese dan of htat hsti i cna horest emetevlshs atpsr shit reda. Asmtol ivef my -l-rey2a2do ewer ilef dftufciil yosmtl wtreo ni srfti ovdpmeri pexcnerdeei rtetle ar;sye slatyv i tsime ahnescg oghtrw nad nices meos hsa ve'i sa my a tub emiesmn. Fo 'tsi out uowld play !whe()w etur hoste enno fnnuy eno otu how ot utghoth nda acme plan way i my adn leif aentdw icdsertopni tsloam ti. .

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